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New "relationship", I need help!! watch

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    (This will be quite long, sorry)

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of over 2 and a half years due to various reasons.
    I called quite a lot of my friends for a shoulder to cry on sort of thing, because I was shocked at his seeming lack of care. One of them was a boy mate who to be honest I've fancied since I met him 2 months ago. We gradually talked more and more on the phone/texts/ internet and I randomly asked if he liked me in any way other than as a friend, simply because it would have been inappropriate to ask when I was taken, and to my suprise he said yes. But he said he couldn't act on it because he's one of my ex's friends (but not close) and he's got a reputation for going for people's exes. So I thought okay, fair enough, I definitely don't want a new relationship either and at the time was considering trying to work things out with my ex.

    But I thought now that I'm single for just about the first real time in 5 years, it would be nice to 'play the field' a little bit, no emotional involvement, and if this guy likes me back then it would be great to have something casual with him. I'm only 18. I thought that if I made out with him or whatever, I'd "get him out of my system" and stop fancying him. Haha how wrong I was...
    Incidentally I mean full-on crush. Like if you ever got to meet your "ideal man". He ticks all of the boxes in every way!

    Day 1 of seeing him (after a week of talking) he came over to mine. I'd been ill and I'd jokingly said that when he next saw me he could give me a kiss and cuddle to cheer me up. We ended up talking, cuddling and making out for several hours, and I started to notice that I have emotional feelings for him, and he started talking as if it was going to go somewhere but we agreed to wait and see what happens. Day 2 we spent the evening pubbing and clubbing and had a heart to heart, and he said that he wanted to ask me out right now, but didn't want to spoil things, and he could be posted to Afghan at any point (RAF). Day 3 was today, and he was meant to be staying at work but afterwards he randomly came over to see me and we talked in the pub for a good few hours and he walked me back home (partly carrying me!). All this time we've been texting, phonecalling or msning. He seems amazing, perfect even. And that he'd make an amazing boyfriend. And he wants to go out with me! It's like I can't believe my luck. When I'm sitting next to him I feel like I'm dreaming.

    But I don't know whether to go for it or not. He's a blokes bloke, he's in the RAF so could be posted anywhere anytime, he's gorgeous and far too good for me and could get any girl that he wanted, he says he's got plans to do things like blokey weekends and staying over at his best (female) friend's flat.
    I'm not worried because I'm going to feel jealous or try and stop him being like that/doing those things, I'm worried because I know full well that I worship the ground he walks on and even if he cheated on me, I'd forgive him and even expect it. I'm so desperate not to get hurt. I didn't even plan on falling for him or realising these feelings. If you'd have asked me if I would go out with this person on Sunday, I'd have said no way, of course not, only see him casually. But now it seems almost inevitable that that's going to happen. Everything he says to me confirms that he's perfect! And he says he definitely wants me and no one else. He's even invited me to shopping, cinema and then his house at the weekend.

    I feel like someone like Johnny Depp has fallen in love with me. And what kind of girl would say no to that?! But then again I also feel like being with someone like that would be horrible, because you'd be SO paranoid. The problem is now I feel like it's gone so far that even if I call it all off, I'm going to be horribly unhappy and still want to be with him. I don't love him but I'm very infatuated and definitely falling in love. Is this going to end in tears?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...

    You are just at the point which I like to call "pretend phase" where you both pretend to be perfect. You do not show your true self, you are very careful in expressing each others opinions, making sure that they do not clash too hard. Boy is carrying and seems very sensitive at this phase. You, or both of you are enjoying the hell out of it, you feel wanted, boy makes you feel beautiful and feminine - its very rewarding.

    But, after half a year, or maybe a bit more, you will notice that he has old socks all over his room, has some quirky habits and is not perfect. It is going to end in tears only if you end it doing the pretend phase. I will not end in tears once this relationship turns into normal relationship where you are used to each other.
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    (Original post by Moa)
    You are just at the point which I like to call "pretend phase" where you both pretend to be perfect. You do not show your true self, you are very careful in expressing each others opinions, making sure that they do not clash too hard. Boy is carrying and seems very sensitive at this phase. You, or both of you are enjoying the hell out of it, you feel wanted, boy makes you feel beautiful and feminine - its very rewarding.

    But, after half a year, or maybe a bit more, you will notice that he has old socks all over his room, has some quirky habits and is not perfect. It is going to end in tears only if you end it doing the pretend phase. I will not end in tears once this relationship turns into normal relationship where you are used to each other.
    Hm. Pretend phase as you call it was completely gone in my last relationship. We didn't make ANY effort with each other at all and there was no sexual connection, we felt like an old married couple...
    He's perfect in a way that he couldn't pretend about, unless he's lying. Things like ideal looks, doesn't smoke and never would, perfect body, works out, sensible, mature, drives, has a job!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hm. Pretend phase as you call it was completely gone in my last relationship. We didn't make ANY effort with each other at all and there was no sexual connection, we felt like an old married couple...
    He's perfect in a way that he couldn't pretend about, unless he's lying. Things like ideal looks, doesn't smoke and never would, perfect body, works out, sensible, mature, drives, has a job!
    But there was a pretend phase in your previous relationship. Every relationship ultimately turns into an old married couple. I understand it is hard to imagine that it will in YOUR case - but the way you feel about him is exactly the same as the way masses of girls feel about their crushes. You have to realize that it is not unique. It may be hard or impossible in your current very-much-in-love state.

    Its like when you hear a song and think it is perfect and it gives you shivers but after some time it just turns... normal.
    But then, hearing this song for first 300 times is an absolute pleasure! And even after it is still a good song.

    Give it time, you will see
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    (Original post by Moa)
    But there was a pretend phase in your previous relationship. Every relationship ultimately turns into an old married couple. I understand it is hard to imagine that it will in YOUR case - but the way you feel about him is exactly the same as the way masses of girls feel about their crushes. You have to realize that it is not unique. It may be hard or impossible in your current very-much-in-love state.

    Its like when you hear a song and think it is perfect and it gives you shivers but after some time it just turns... normal.
    But then, hearing this song for first 300 times is an absolute pleasure! And even after it is still a good song.

    Give it time, you will see
    Argh! But I've enjoyed fancying the utter pants off him :p:
    I really really really don't want all the crap that comes with relationships. I'm just so cynical, obviously since my break up. Any ideas how to avoid the bad bits? You know how some couples, people talk about them and say "they've been together blah blah years and they're still madly in love and acting like teenagers"? I want that!
    Also what about the blokey/RAF/lots of girls as friends stuff.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Argh! But I've enjoyed fancying the utter pants off him :p:
    I really really really don't want all the crap that comes with relationships. I'm just so cynical, obviously since my break up. Any ideas how to avoid the bad bits? You know how some couples, people talk about them and say "they've been together blah blah years and they're still madly in love and acting like teenagers"? I want that!
    Also what about the blokey/RAF/lots of girls as friends stuff.
    I want that too! And seriously, the ONLY way for it to happen is by having a good sex life. Do not put it into context with my pervy sig, it is actually true.

    Have you ever heard of a long term relationship where they complain "Sex is fantastic, but everything else is bad" - you do not. If sex is fantastic, everything else is fantastic too! You both feel loved, wanted, you feel like a woman and he feels like a man. Passion is what keeps the relationship fun, just like this "they still act like teenagers!" example. But this is a question of sexual compatibility.
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    (Original post by Moa)
    I want that too! And seriously, the ONLY way for it to happen is by having a good sex life. Do not put it into context with my pervy sig, it is actually true.

    Have you ever heard of a long term relationship where they complain "Sex is fantastic, but everything else is bad" - you do not. If sex is fantastic, everything else is fantastic too! You both feel loved, wanted, you feel like a woman and he feels like a man. Passion is what keeps the relationship fun, just like this "they still act like teenagers!" example. But this is a question of sexual compatibility.
    I actually think you're right. I had no sex life with my ex, sex was like a chore. yet I felt bad when I thought things weren't working because I thought oh it shouldn't matter about the sex if you love him!
    It really is so much about the sex though...that's why humans are programmed to want to enter into relationships lol. And once you lose the chemistry, it's all downhill.
    Quite depressing!
    I haven't slept with this person yet because he wants to wait. Apparently he waited 2 months with his ex...so we'll see.
 
 
 
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