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What do you think of my boyfriend? (VERY long post) watch

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    I’m not entirely sure why I’m asking this because I know the majority of answers I’m going to get. But here goes anyhow...

    My boyfriend and I got together in May 2007, when we were both in our last year at school. The first few months were great, we spent an amazing summer holiday together (it was the nice long summer between GCSE and A-Level) and he was really supportive when I had my operation on my foot and couldn’t walk for 6 weeks, he made sure I was never alone and kept me company. Everything was perfect for those first few months, until the start of next term.

    I’d gone to an all girls school, and he’d gone to an all boys. But for A-Levels I then went off to college, and he stayed on at his sixth form, which was no longer all boys, it was about 50-50 mix actually (there were only about 4 boys in my schools sixth form lol). This created a bit of distance between us because we live a few towns apart, and I’d gone to a college much closer to home than my school was. But I still made an effort to see him once a week after college, and then at the weekends. But gradually he made less and less effort to see me. One day I was in the park with him and some of his school friends on his lunch break, and it was then I realised that he’d developed a crush on one of the girls in his sixth form (difficult to explain how I found out, just a gut instinct based on what people were saying, and how he’d mentioned her in the past). I felt distraught, but I just kept telling myself “it’s okay, everyone gets little crushes, it doesn’t mean anything and it will go away because he loves you”. And of course I had no proof. So the weeks went on and it was becoming more and more obvious that he liked this girl (he wasn’t even discreet about it, he would mention it all the time, but I never bothered asking because I knew he’d lie). He even once cancelled plans with me just so he could walk her to the train station! He lied and said it was to revise, but I later found out that that’s what he’d been doing. I’m not really sure why I put up with it to be honest, proof that love is blind I guess (and just plain stupid). By this point I couldn’t take it anymore, and had to hunt down proof. I logged onto his MySpace, and there were obvious flirting messages between them, but still no solid proof (he’s a bit of a flirt with every girl :/ ) I then finally confided in one of my best friends, who asked him straight if he had feelings for this other girl. And he said “I think I do”. TO MY BEST FRIEND! Why on earth would he do that? And then told my friend not to say anything to me because it would hurt me. Well of course my friend immediately sent the whole conversation to me, and I finally confronted my boyfriend about it. He then said “We need to talk”, and broke up with me the next time we saw each other (this was end of January 2008) Obviously I was heartbroken, and knew it was because he was infatuated with this other girl.

    Spent the next 3 days with my best friends, they were really supportive and helped me through it and I actually felt okay and like I’d be able to get through it with their support. Then 3 days later I got a text from him asking how I was. I said I was okay, and he asked if he could see me. So I agreed. We met up and he basically grovelled for my forgiveness, saying that letting me go was the worst thing he’d ever done (you’re 17, how many bad things can you have done by that age?!) and that he loves me and wants me back. Stupidly, I agreed, because I was so in love with him and was just so happy that I could have in back. Things were going to be different this time. I didn’t even question why he had suddenly changed his mind, I’m now thinking that he tried to get with this other girl but she refused, so he wanted me back instead.

    Anyway, things were great again, just like when we started going out. But this time it only lasted 6 months (in which time we lost our virginities to eachother). Beginning of August, he went to a party (which I wasn’t invited to, it was held by one of his school friends) and acted differently all week afterwards. I knew something wasn’t up, so I grabbed his phone while he was sleeping and locked myself in the bathroom. I saw loads of texts from this one girl, a friend from school, so I opened one at random and it said “you were a really good kisser :P”. I felt rage boil up inside me, but gave him the benefit of the doubt (he’d actually known this girl a lot longer than me and briefly went out with her for a few weeks at one point, so she could have been talking about then). But no, I sat there crying reading every single message, turns out he’d kissed her at the party, AND also the girl he dumped me for previously! I went back and told him I’d read his phone and he needed to explain himself. He told me he’d kissed the first girl, but never mentioned the second. When I asked he said “...oh yeah, I did.” What the hell? How many other girls did he get with that night? I’d also read something about his hands being “up her top and down her trousers”, but oddly enough that never got discussed. Anyway, after hours of me screaming and him sobbing and telling me how much he loves me and that he was very, very drunk and it was a mistake, we stayed together. He’d managed to convince me again that he was worth my time and that he really loved me. The thing is, I immediately called my best friend (the same one mentioned earlier) but he was on holiday at the time and didn’t have his phone on him. If he’d answered, he’d have told me to dump him and I’d have listened. But he didn’t answer, and I just felt so alone and didn’t know what to do, I was weak.
    As soon as my best friend got back from holiday he came straight down to visit me to see if I was okay. I told him that we’d managed to work things out.

    After a few months of me feeling really crap and depressive, and random outbursts of anger at my boyfriend, things started to get back to normal, again. Although I’ve never been able to trust him since, and frequently check his phone, but I find nothing. Things seemed okay for about another year, then I stayed round his the night of my 19th birthday. He had to be up early for work the next day so I stayed in bed and woke up a few hours later. I found myself alone in his room for the first time EVER, and couldn’t stop myself. I rummaged all around, to make sure he wasn’t hiding anything from me. It didn’t take long till I found something. He’d left his MP3 player lying around, so I picked it up and had a look through. In secret, well hidden picture folders, I managed to find a shocking amount of pornographic pictures. While I don’t really like all of that, I let it go because a lot of guys like porn and it doesn’t mean anything. But then I found an even more hidden folder. I opened it up to find pictures of pretty much every female friend he had on facebook (and also the 2 girls he’d kissed). Just regular pictures, not even particularly revealing ones, anything that showed a bit of cleavage or in which the girl was in a sexy position (you know how girls like to pose with their friends). He’d even gone as far as to giving each girl her own personal folder, and even had blocked out all the men in any pictures with black boxes. It was disturbing to see, because we have a lot of mutual friends, and some of my best friends were in there and I had no idea he looked at them in that way, it disgusted me. I wasn’t really angry, just shocked (this clearly shows he has some sort of problem, that he’s a pervert) and I felt bad for my friends more than for myself, because they didn’t know that this seemingly innocent friend of theirs was perving over all their pictures. Anyway, I also found some completely naked pictures of ANOTHER one of his school friends, and got angry again. I sent him a text at work, simply stating that I’d found his MP3 player, and he came straight home from work. Another session of screaming and sobbing, when I was really just trying to work out what made him think that this was acceptable behaviour. He said he knew it was wrong, but didn’t realise how wrong, and then smashed up the MP3 player (in some sort of dramatic gesture of love, I’m sure). I was just so confused I didn’t know what to do or how to act.

    This was 2 months ago, and we are still together. We haven’t had sex since all of this, in fact we’ve barely kissed. I just can’t even imagine being intimate with him anymore, not after all that I know. Of course I’m still madly in love with him, but he’s a completely different person to me know. It’s like I don’t know him at all. But we still have so much fun together; he’s my best friend and I feel safe with him. I guess after being with someone for that long, you can’t even really comprehend the thought of them not being a stable part of your life anymore.


    Well that’s my story. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, or why it was necessary to put in as much detail as I have, but it feels good to finally get it off my chest. I’ve painted him in a really bad light here, but bearing in mind we have been together for over 2 and a half years, the majority of the time he is the perfect boyfriend. He is kind, caring and loving, great company and lots of fun, and I can just be myself around him. Even though deep down I know he’s not good for me, I just can’t end it. I’m going to uni in September, so I keep saying to myself that I’ll end it then because I won’t have a choice, and that was it’ll be a lot easier to explain to people than all of this.

    Okay so what do you think? Is he a horrible person, or just someone who is good deep down but with a lot of issues? Am I completely pathetic for staying with him as long as I have? Please be brutally honest, it’d be nice to hear from people who don’t know either of us.

    And corr blimey, I’ll be surprised if anyone reads all of that. Just skim through it I've now emboldened the important bits to make life easier for you haha.
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    From what I can make out from the bold bits, you shouldn't have taken him back.. Fair enough if he had issues and stuck with you through it all and tried to sort himself out.. But he's pretty much used you.. Finishes with you when he wants someone else.. Comes back to you when he's bored.. He may have been the perfect guy before, but you've said it yourself.. He's changed and you don't know him anymore.. Not the kinda person you should be intimate with tbh.. Let him go, you deserve better.. Maybe things can still work out as friends..
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    Post some bullet points/summary
    Not reading all that
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    I actually read all of that. seriously you need to get rid and let go. hes just going to keep on doing it because he knows he can get away with it. I know thats the answer you were expecting but in this case its the only sensible option. You've given him more than enough chances
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    oh my God... that has to be the longest post TSR has ever seen.

    TL;DR
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    It doesn't matter what I think of your boyfriend, it only matters what you think of him.
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    Dump him, OP. You know that that's what you have to do, but for some reason you're afraid to do it. Put yourself first for once and stop being such a pushover!
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    I read it all! (A)

    Don't take him back!! Sounds like one of the worst boyfriends ever and such a forgiving person deserves better xx
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    I don't think he's a really bad person but what he did with all those pictures was just wrong, he seriously has some issues. And i know it's different when your in the situation yourself but i think you should end it.
    You'll be upset for a while but soon you'll be going to uni and who knows you might meet somone there perhaps it's better to start fresh. After all he's done, i really don't think that the photos on the mp3 will be the last thing he does, im sure your going to get hurt again, is it worth it?
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    (Original post by black_mac29)
    oh my God... that has to be the longest post TSR has ever seen.

    TL;DR
    And this is the most pointless one :lolwut:

    OP this is my personal philosophy, if you break up with someone once it's not gonna work again and that's that especially if you need to ask strangers on the internet lol
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    (Original post by Sarah_P)
    I read it all! (A)

    Don't take him back!! Sounds like one of the worst boyfriends ever and such a forgiving person deserves better xx
    Me too hahaha :p:
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    What the hell, isn't it completely obvious you should get rid of him?
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    Read the bits in bold. You're 17, break up and move on.
    • #2
    #2

    Do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life who:

    a) Cheats
    b) Lies
    c) You can't trust
    d) You can't be intimate with


    If you don't want that for your life.. you will split with him eventually. May as well do it asap so you can get on with your life. Either single, or with someone else who is deserving of your time and love.

    Plenty more fish in the sea. You don't need him.
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    If you have to ask...also in such a long manner then you probably should break up lol
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    Without reading any of your post, i'm gonna go with my gut instinct and say you shouldn't be with him.
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    Oh my lord, have you heard of self respect?

    Get rid.
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    Guy sounds like a **** , I agree with everyone else's replies and I'm going to say get rid of him being cheated on isn't a nice feeling I should know
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    WOAH that took about 30 mins of my life to read!

    I think, he's just a boy who needs to grow up.
    He's not worth you're time because if he really loved you, he wouldn't have done it more than once.
    I understand it's difficult to get over him, especially after you were together for so long, and that you lost your virginity to him, but seriously, you obviously don't trust him if you had to keep going through his room, mp3 player, phone etc. You probably will never trust him, and that's the most important part of a relationship..trust.
    If you really feel like staying with him until uni for the sake of it, then do it, but, i wouldn't advise it..you might aswell get over him now so by the time you go to uni you can start fresh.

    Really, he's not worth your time at all. He sounds like he's going to become one of them men that are married with children, and still checking out young girls while they're driving past them. You can do better
    Good luck
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    sounds like a bit of smarmy douchebag to me!
 
 
 
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