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Should I move in with my girlfriend? I have a miserable family life. watch

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    I'm 18 and in 6th form, I'm going to be heading off to university this year (I've already got 3 offers for chemistry and one decision pending) which is one of the reasons why I'm reluctant about moving out.

    At the moment I live with my mu and step-dad who got introduced into my life just over 3 years ago. Ever since that life hasn't been that great, from the first week he shouted at me a belittled me, threatened me and eventually began physically harming me. I'm not a out of line teenager, I don't do anything that brings the trouble it just seems that little things such as having my room being a bit of a mess (but it's not even a real mess, just a few things out and its far cleaner than most teenage boys rooms) and forgetting to do simple things ect.

    Of course my mum didn't know to start with about the physical harm and thought that all his swearing, spitting and threatening me over little stupid things was him caring. A year and half ago she caught him strangling me and about to get real nasty and after that the physical harm stopped since she threatened divource and all of that yet the rest continues and it's embarassing but I'm so scared of him because I feel powerless, I've always just took everything I got because it was easier than causing a fuss and causing my mum trouble.

    The last year has been better since he away during the weekdays yet my mum has adopted all his beliefs and views and I really just despise being here with her and him now.

    My girlfriend who is the only person who knows about it all has offered multiple times for me to move in with her and I have a job on a bar available to support me and so I don't impose on her family to much.

    I finally thinking about moving out but I'm scared about bringing her family trouble (my step dad is a nasty character, me leaving would cause a fracture in him and my mum, plus he hates my girlfriend as he sees her as a threat to him since its someone on the outside knowing about what he has done) and really don't want to impose on them.

    I've only got a few more months till I'm off to university as long as I get the grades and I'm just not sure what to do. If i stick it out I could possibly get some help on my loan but if I left I doubt my mum would give me any help or support.

    Sorry for the long winded post, I tried to cut everything down as much as possible.

    Thanks in advance to all posters.
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    Seems like a no brainer to me..
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    Man that is baaaad...
    Does ur step-dad know where she lives?

    I'd say hold out some more before moving out.
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    He knows the area but only my mum knows exactly where seeing as I never introduced them both for obvious reasons but I'm worried about him getting it out of my Mum, he has some serious anger issues and I really don;t want him getting involved with my girlfriend or her family. I the problem with holding out is I always do it and in the end just never move out.
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    The only risk would be that this could be too quick for your relationship with your girlfriend?
    I think you're immensely brave but it may be worth hanging on until uni, then you can be free without needing to rely on the generosity of your girlfriend. If its right to be with her at that time, you can be, if not, you don't have to be. I just wouldn't want it to ruin the relationship that seems most important to you at this time.
    I hope this doesn't sound stupid. I think you're step dad is a git for the record and you're doing brilliantly to cope. Just, don't rush into moving in with her unless you're totally sure about the relationship and its ability to cope with the change. Hope this helped...
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    Yeah I understand what you mean thanks, it's been a year since we first started going out and she is also my best friend as I am hers (as sad as it sounds haha) so I think relationship-wise we would be ready plus I lived with her for a while while my mum and step-dad were on holiday and I stay over at her house as much as possible and I'm close to her immediate family though I would still feel guilty as I'm not her parent's child, I would pay them of course for letting me stay no matter how much they refuse though.
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    Seems a good alternative then Go with it, you clearly are serious and think you're ready.
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    It's worth talking to her parents about the practicalities of moving in before doing so - ground rules, finances, what happens if you 2 have a barney, are they ok with you sharing a room etc.

    It's one thing saying you can move in, the reality is quite different.
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    Yeah, thats a really good idea, there find with the bed stuff haha but sorting out the finance and the ground rules is best to be sorted out before moving or anything, plus I need to discuss about what should happen incase my step-dad or mum tries anything. They already know most of the situation but its best to really go through it all with them. Thanks for all the comments.
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    either move out and be happier or stand up to him by jumping him with a metal bar/baseball bat or something when your mom is out to make him regret ever harming you, failing that accidently leave something on the stairs when he walks up he just simply has an accident
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    Many of my friends offered to snip his car's brakes haha but I don't want to go down that road as it would probably make things worse. I've decided to move out, going to sort the final details with my girlfriend's parents sorted out then tell school and change my address on ucas ect. So happy to actually have finally decided to move out after so long. Thanks for every comment, it really helped getting constructive thoughts on it.
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    Ok, firstly talk to your girlfriend's family, see what they honestly think and make sure it's honest that's the first step. Then you need to have a word with your mum and make sure you're very clear that you don't want your stepdad to know about this. Obviously discuss with your sixth form about who is allowed your information, just in case, it doesnt seem likely he'd find out that way but just to be sure. Cover all bases essentially.

    I see some of this stuff has already been mentioned but I only went over the other posts after writing out the above
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    (Original post by Enix_enigma)
    Many of my friends offered to snip his car's brakes haha but I don't want to go down that road as it would probably make things worse. I've decided to move out, going to sort the final details with my girlfriend's parents sorted out then tell school and change my address on ucas ect. So happy to actually have finally decided to move out after so long. Thanks for every comment, it really helped getting constructive thoughts on it.
    Ok, moving out will sort the immediate problem. This guy really needs help with anger management for your mum's sake as well as his own. Could you suggest to your mum that you move out on a temporary basis till he gets himself sorted? It's one thing for your girlfriend to suggest you move there permanently but it's not really her decision to make, and it does put pressure on your relationship to work. It would be best if you didn't burn all your bridges, and it would be good to get your 'old' mum back when she can think straight. She's suffering too. So a) you need to protect yourself so you can work properly and get those grades but b) try and get home life sorted. Is there any chance of getting your mum to listen to you?
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    I think you need to move out for these few months, if only to make sure that you've got somewhere to finish your A levels without having to worry whether he's going to go psycho on you.

    Make sure with her parents that they're ok with it too. You might want to talk to your school/college too, so that they can give you some extra support.

    As for your mum, I think she needs to be aware of what you're really feeling. If she isn't concerned enoughto stop you trying to leave, then I think it's a lost cause and you need to go until you sort yourself out.
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    Thanks for all the advice. I can say I think my mum is a lost cause, its gone too far into the relationship and while she threatened divorce with him originally with all the crap I believe now he that he takes priority over me. I told her everything yet in the end is amounted just to him threatening me since she told him. In the end he gave her some money to pay off some debt some debt she had from an old morgage proving how supportive he was to her ect. I think my mum is better off with him and a lot more finacially stable so she won't ever leave him for me.
    The advice with my girlfriends parents is great since thats the real thing I'm worried about since i know 100% that our relationship is strong enough but in the end it's not her decision that I move in but her parents. I know that moving out would benefit my A levels since I find it so hard to at home, I spend most of my studying in libraries. Only final problem is explaining it all to my Mum about moving out since I don't know how she would take it. I think if I did she wouldn't tell my Stepdad straight away and would do her best to keep him from interfering. The best thing I think I can do is just plan as much as possible and have it all sorted out beforehand.
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    Good luck. I hope you can find some space and peace.Pm me if you want to talk things through.
 
 
 
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