Something from the past affecting me now?

Anon or delete please. I'm just after some opinions on my situation/advice on what to do really...

My main problem is when it comes to boys. I have massive problems with trusting them and believing them when they tell me they like me. I hadn't ever really had much to do with relationships and things until about a year ago when I got involved with someone who I ended up really liking. We were seeing each other for a while but I still couldn't trust that he actually liked me... We slept together a few times but afterwards I always felt like I had to leave and like I'd done something wrong :frown:

It happened a few times and then things with the guy just kind of faded into nothing. A couple of months ago there was another guy I was seeing for a while. A similar thing happened and as soon as we started to get too close e.g. hugging in bed or anything more, I felt like I was doing something wrong again and left pretty quickly.

There's one thing that I can kind of link it to, but I don't know if it has anything to do with it or whether it's just me being weird! About 2 years ago, I was really, really drunk... like didn't know what I was doing and I ended up having sex with some random guy who approached me at a party. I didn't want to and he did stop when I told him to. It never really affected me, but I'm the kind of person who blocks things out rather than dealing with them. Could it be that subconsciously this thing is starting to affect me? Only one person knows about this and it's not something I like to think/talk about. I know self esteem/confidence can affect this too, but could this be part of it too?

I never talk about any problems I have and on the surface I come across as being happy/confident, but underneath it really isn't like that. How can I get over these stupid trust issues and stop feeling so guilty for getting close to people? I don't want it to keep ruining things.

Anyone?

You were pretty much raped hun. It may not have affected you then but subconciously it could be affecting you now. You could be pushing people away because you think that they will hurt you or take advantage of you like the other guy did. Why do you think that you feel guilty for getting close to people?
This is a really difficult one to answer because I don't know how you feel about the rape. Have you come to terms with it or do you just try to forget about it and pretend that it didn't happen? The way that you're feeling could be linked to your past or it could be a matter of self esteem issues. I'm sorry this is such a crap answer! x

Reply 3

mickeyfit

bittersweetxsymphony

She said he stopped when she told him to - thats not rape - she was drunk and had sex and then realised she didn't want to anymore, told the guy and he stopped - how is that in any way rape

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

bittersweetxsymphony

I've never thought of it as rape at all, I was kissing him and stuff so I just see it as I must have led him on. He stopped pretty much as soon as I asked him (from what I remember, I was really, really drunk) so I just thought of it as me being stupid for getting so drunk.

I have no idea why I feel guilty. I hate it because it's already ruined a potential relationship because of it and I don't want it to happen again.

Any more advice??

Sorry I misread and thought you said he didn't stop when you asked him to. In that case I don't think that would affect you. Everyone gets drunk and does something silly at some point in their lives. Do you actually want to be in a relationship? Or secretly do you just want to be alone? xx