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Messed things up by getting with friend watch

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    Me and a guy I've been friends with for years got together a couple of months ago. We only used to see each other every couple of weeks when we were friends because we live about 4 hours apart since I moved for uni. We were really close mates...not embarrassed to act like idiots in front of each other..told each other anything etc and now I just feel like we're having casual sex. I wouldnt mind this but we don't act like mates anymore at all!

    We're both **** with emotional communication skills and I almost feel like it's a competition as to who can act the most complacent. Things just feel awkward since we slept together. The sex is amazing - really passionate and have really good sexual chemistry but things like holding hands, cuddling etc feels weird. We also still only see each other every couple of weeks, and barely speak inbetween that so like I said just feels like I'm shagging some random person. I'm not against casual sex but I can have casual sex with anyone, I dont like feeling like this with one my good friends.

    I suppose I don't really want a relationship with him either but just for us to act normal and still have a laugh together would be ok. He started off really affectionate, really considerate, spent loads on me for xmas (not that I expect that) etc and that was fine, but now it just feels cold and distant between the two of us. He turns up late and leaves early and I dont know if its because I was acting distant because I didnt want a relationship and that in turns made him act like this!

    Completely pointless post really, but needed a rant if nothing else, feel so frustrated and confused! Does anyone have any advice from similar situations? To be honest I feel like suggesting we stop sleeping together and stick to just being mates but I'm not sure if that could work now? The problem is we're both quite shy with relationship stuff so it's really hard to talk about it (when it concerns each other anyway!) and it's also really hard to interpret his actions because of this.
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    Anyone? Could really do with some advice from people who have been in similar situation. Is it possible to ever go back to just being mates?
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    Tell him what you told us.
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    I am in EXACTLY your position, except he is my best male friend. Well.. was. It tears me up inside.
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    Have you spoken to him about it yet? I keep trying to but it's really weird because as I said we're both quite shy anyway..but in the past I've been with quite outgoing people so it's brought that side of me out. But with him it seems to enhance my shyness! So I'm completely rubbish at talking about how I feel with him..which is insane because he used to be the person I told everything to. Amazing how much just sleeping together can change things.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Have you spoken to him about it yet? I keep trying to but it's really weird because as I said we're both quite shy anyway..but in the past I've been with quite outgoing people so it's brought that side of me out. But with him it seems to enhance my shyness! So I'm completely rubbish at talking about how I feel with him..which is insane because he used to be the person I told everything to. Amazing how much just sleeping together can change things.
    Lol mine isn't shy at all and neither am I, but we don't really talk about it as such.. theres no boundaries, as we've never set them. However I did tell him how I felt like we weren't friends anymore and it was just sex, and he said fair enough and he changed and it was lovely. It lasted about 2 weeks, now it's back to normal.
    The reason I don't want to talk to him is because i'm scared to admit how much i like him because i'm scared he doesn't feel the same. It's almost like a competition to see who can play it the coolest. Also, for reasons I won't go into, we can never be together officially which doesn't help things, and he's started sleeping with someone else and is lying to me about it.
    I'm just soo scared of rejection and this whole messed up situation. You should really try talking to your friend though, either that or this will play on your mind for god knows how long!
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    Why don't you just talk to him about it? You're probably both making it worse because you fail to actually communicate these things you're thinking. I bet you're both thinking the wrong ideas about each other and both too stubborn or immature to find out what is going on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i'm scared to admit how much i like him because i'm scared he doesn't feel the same. It's almost like a competition to see who can play it the coolest.
    This sums up my feelings exactly! lol. I know I need to stop being pathetic and just talk to him. I wouldnt say I'm shy as such..prob the wrong word. But I am definitely emotionally guarded and have a bit too much pride! I think I can come across as being a bit indifferent myself, so for all I know he's probably thinking the same thing!

    He's told his other friends that I'm his girlfriend, implying that we're exclusive, but having a 'boyfriend' that I see twice a month and barely hear from in between seems a bit pointless!

    Good luck with your situation. I would be gutted if I found out he was sleeping with someone else..but like you said it's difficult when you havent set any boundaries. He may be thinking that you're both non-exclusive and that you're sleeping with other people as well.
 
 
 
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