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People treat me so formally but I don't know why. watch

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    and this is very good advice! in particular the bolds...:yep:
    (Original post by Democracy)
    It's okay, lots of people are like that (I feel it too sometimes, around certain people).

    When you go out...what are you like? Do you find yourself to be more laid back in a party atmosphere?

    It could be that you've just got a lot on your mind...which is distracting you from being as outgoing as more relaxed people.

    Of course, you could always prove all those people wrong...it's never too late to change things, I find alcohol helps :p:

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk things out some more.
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    i am treated like this sometimes by people, go out and get drunk with them that will bring out your more fun side, or talking to people online over msn/facebook can help too, i usually make people laugh 10 times more often over msn than in person but at least they get to know i'm not the boring person they initially thought & that i can be interesting once i've come out my shell
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    I'm only posting so people don't think I'm the OP. FML. :emo:

    Sorry I can't be of any more help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can never seem to connect with people but I don't know why. Im 21, female and people I know tend to say that Im very quiet but seem nice. Everyone just speaks to me very formally Ive never had proper friends they just don't see me as friend material, even though I try joking with people they smile out of politeness but never joke back. Like for example no one has ever ran up behind me and gone 'boo' and say if someone is leaving college, work or something they will give everyone a hug but me everyone treats me so formally and serious.

    At school when I was 16 I remember my class were acting daft when the teacher let us play hide and seek in the sports hall (there were 11 of us). I found a really good hiding place and was the last to be found but everyone had forgot about me I was sat there like a fool. Then a few minutes later the teacher said 'theres someone else' and someone said 'who we've found everyone' the teacher said 'theres still katie' the I came out and people said 'oh sorry katie' everyone said sorry lol.

    Ok there have been a few fairly extreme extroverts (maybe 3 or 4) people in my life that haven't been like this with me (though they are still more connective with other people) but in general yea I can't connect with people.

    I don't understand because with new people I do make the effort to talk but by then they have already made intense friendships with others. I know the problem is my fault since 99.9% are like this with me but I don't know what Im doing wrong because there are plenty of quiet girls who seem to have friends/be popular. People don't hate me they just don't see me as friend material.

    I think I got a bit of a clue this afternoon though when I went visiting my sister she told me that my male cousin had been round with his gf and that they were discussing me. I said 'oh what were you saying' she said nothing they asked how you were and I told them you were going living at uni in wales, sharing a student flat with 4 others. She said that my cousin replied 'I can't imagine katie doing that shes always been a very private person'. My sister said she replied 'I know I only remember her playing with you as a kid she never seemed to bring any friends home or anything'

    Thing is I don't want to be private I like my own space and am not a talker but I know that everyone knows Im a loner but I don't know what to do about it. I was hoping to make friends at uni with flatmates but its not going to be easy because even when I make an effort to talk it doesn't work.

    Dos anyone know what Im doing wrong:confused:
    have you ever had a boy friend? and whats the closest you've been with like a "friend" or "mate", either way i think you have social anxiety, and should speak with a counsellor, its pretty much the only thing that could help you become social
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    (Original post by Democracy)
    It's okay, lots of people are like that (I feel like you do sometimes, around certain people).

    When you go out...what are you like? Do you find yourself to be more laid back in a party atmosphere?

    It could be that you've just got a lot on your mind...which is distracting you from being as outgoing as more relaxed people.

    Of course, you could always prove all those people wrong...it's never too late to change things, I find alcohol helps :p:

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk things out some more.
    Thanks, Ive never really been in a party atmosphere lol only to family parties but I just enjoy sitting and watching people really Im not the 'act daft' type I think I come across as serious but Im always smiling and laughing to try and counteract this, my mouth starts aching after a while from faking smiles ha!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, Ive never really been in a party atmosphere lol only to family parties but I just enjoy sitting and watching people really Im not the 'act daft' type I think I come across as serious but Im always smiling and laughing to try and counteract this, my mouth starts aching after a while from faking smiles ha!
    I'm gonna hazard a guess here....do you avoid looking people in the eye when speaking to them? :p:

    Basically, you just need to get yourself out there in the social arena. Next time someone, anyone, even just a friend of a friend invites you out, go along, get a few drinks down you and loosen up. You might surprise yourself (and them!) :p:
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    (Original post by Jukukiwaiyi)
    have you ever had a boy friend? and whats the closest you've been with like a "friend" or "mate", either way i think you have social anxiety, and should speak with a counsellor, its pretty much the only thing that could help you become social
    Ive never had a boyfriend no, I had a best friend in high school who was from india thats another thing I find I can connect a bit with people who are foreign maybe because they are as unsure as me they seem a lot more open minded whereas people my own race generally ignore me and are too busy socialising.
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    (Original post by Democracy)
    I'm gonna hazard a guess here....do you avoid looking people in the eye when speaking to them? :p:

    Basically, you just need to get yourself out there in the social arena. Next time someone, anyone, even just a friend of a friend invites you out, go along, get a few drinks down you and loosen up. You might surprise yourself (and them!) :p:
    I usually have an headache after any type of social event I have had drinks with people now and again and usually end up either throwing pieces of paper in peoples drinks to get some reaction or purposly falling off my chair (to make it look an accident) which does make them laugh but its so sad!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't understand introverts. It takes effort to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things and talk to new people. So, in my mind a lot of introverts are just lazy because they stick to the safe option. Because of this I find it hard to respect them. I had a friend of 10 years who was an introvert. She always did the safe thing. It made her boring. Even after 10 years I felt reserved around as every thing she did or said felt calculated. Eventually, I stopped talking to her because she didn't have enough life experiences for me to talk to her about anything deep, or enough guts to try anything spontaneous.
    I'd have thought that an introvert would be deeper. What do you mean by deep?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't understand introverts. It takes effort to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things and talk to new people. So, in my mind a lot of introverts are just lazy because they stick to the safe option. Because of this I find it hard to respect them. I had a friend of 10 years who was an introvert. She always did the safe thing. It made her boring. Even after 10 years I felt reserved around as every thing she did or said felt calculated. Eventually, I stopped talking to her because she didn't have enough life experiences for me to talk to her about anything deep, or enough guts to try anything spontaneous.
    This is a good point, people are lazy and sometimes don't want to put themselves out to get close to people, they'd rather just have it put on a plate for them; this puts you at a big disadvantage. I find it awkward if I'm quiet, so have the opposite problem. Sometimes you just have to put yourself in uncomfortable positions and force yourself.. x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I usually have an headache after any type of social event I have had drinks with people now and again and usually end up either throwing pieces of paper in peoples drinks to get some reaction or purposly falling off my chair (to make it look an accident) which does make them laugh but its so sad!
    Okay, you need to stop doing both those things, especially the paper thing, it might stop them inviting you out again :p:

    Don't you find it easier to talk to them? About anything? Their course/other half/aspirations/politics, etc? The one time you can chat **** and get away with it is when you're under the influence. I suggest you press that advantage :yes:

    But don't chuck paper anymore, that's just very cringeworthy :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive never had a boyfriend no, I had a best friend in high school who was from india thats another thing I find I can connect a bit with people who are foreign maybe because they are as unsure as me they seem a lot more open minded whereas people my own race generally ignore me and are too busy socialising.
    meh same here, i find it much easier to socialise with difference races o_O
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    maybe your quietness comes across as over-sensitivity and they might not want to offend you?
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    Meh I have a mild similar situation.
    Trying to be confident fails alot, you just have to keep trying, maybe you just don't click with some people, i find that with myself, i don't know, i'm watching this thread anyway.
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    (Original post by MarmiteOnToast)
    maybe your quietness comes across as over-sensitivity and they might not want to offend you?
    Maybe I don't know. Another thing I forgot to mention is when Im with people I often get reffered to in the third person. For example when with family they will sometimes ask my mum if I want a drink or not when Im sat next to her!
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    Introverted people tend to be defensive without realising it. Like, when talking to someone new, you might be thinking 'I hope this conversation lasts' or 'Maybe I should say another joke' etc. But I can usually tell when people don't feel comfortable/are analysing the situation so sometimes I feel awkward because they feel awkward but don't think I realise it. You probably don't even mean to do it, but maybe that's why?
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    (Original post by CityOfMyHeart)
    Introverted people tend to be defensive without realising it. Like, when talking to someone new, you might be thinking 'I hope this conversation lasts' or 'Maybe I should say another joke' etc. But I can usually tell when people don't feel comfortable/are analysing the situation so sometimes I feel awkward because they feel awkward but don't think I realise it. You probably don't even mean to do it, but maybe that's why?


    ready for the big game tomoz? :cool:

    :arsenal:
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    (Original post by TSRavenclaw)
    ready for the big game tomoz? :cool:

    :arsenal:

    This isn't appropriate for this thread, but I kinda am.. I dunno, I'm not in the mood to be all hapz about football atm. Ask me tomorrow. :p:
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    (Original post by Jose1989)
    Also, what I sometimes find helps when I'm feeling shy is to kind of create a 'persona' (this isn't as sad as it sounds!) your persona should be just like you but more confident. Fake it until you make it...
    This is definately the way forward! I used to be really shy at secondary school. I had a few best friends, but was absolutely terrified when talking with anyone else. So at college, I decided enough was enough, and that I had to go out and pretend to be confident. Within a few weeks I had made so many friends, lots of whom became part of one big friendship group. I was just sooo much happier! I also found that it's much easier to talk to new people if you're with a good friend. You can use them as moral support .
    It's still hard for me to make new friends. I just started a new job, and it's taken me ages to make friends with people, just because I was so quiet at first, and then carried on acting this way because I thought people expected it of me. So recently I've started going out with some of them, just for drinks and such. Yes, it pushes me right out my comfort zone, and sometimes I just can't seem to think of the right things to say to make people laugh, but the more you do it, the easier it is.
    If you're born an introvert, you'll always be an introvert at heart. The only thing to do is to push yourself, get out there, and make some new friends!
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    Maybe it's the way you talk, what you say/don't say, what you wear, how you act...etc? It's pretty much your job to find out the reason and fix it!
 
 
 
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