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"I'm worried you like me more than I like you" watch

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    Hello all I started university back in October, and relatively early on met a guy in third year through a sports teams' night out. We were both really rather drunk, so although it was a good night, I didn't really expect it to go anywhere. I ended up bumping into him quite a bit afterwards, though, because our university's divided into colleges, and we're in the same one which is pretty small. In the weeks afterwards, we gradually spent more time together- at first unintentionally, like if we just bumped into each other in the college bar, but then we started to arrange it, and eventually started "seeing" each other, then formally viewing ourselves as together in early December-ish.

    Things have been really great since; we get on really well because we seem to have very similar senses of humour, and there aren't many arguments, because I don't think either of us are particularly inclined in that way. The only thing which started ringing minor alarm bells with me was that he, on a few occasions, described what we had as "perfect" and "almost too good to be true". My last serious relationship ended about this time last year, and all along the way we'd never argued, and my ex had made exactly the same comments. It ended completely out of the blue, with him saying it wasn't because he was unhappy, or thought there was anything even wrong with the relationship, he was just worried he'd hurt me somehow because things seemed too good- and maybe I was being too laid-back.

    Anyway, last night my boyfriend went out to dinner with one of his friends, and they were apparently talking about how things were going with us. My boyfriend made the same sorts of comments: things are great, no arguments, and it's "probably the best thing to have happened" to him. However, one thing he did say was that he was worried that because things seemed so good, he might eventually end up hurting me. I'm quite a laid back person for various reasons, but he's apparently worried I might be letting him walk all over me, and things might not be fine after all. And the final comment: "I'm worried you like me more than I like you, so I'll only end up hurting you if things go wrong"

    It was the last comment which got to me most. He could tell it had upset me a bit, and kept apologising and saying he'd ruined it by worrying about something which wasn't even there, but I still feel... generally awkward. Even little things like giving him a hug/kiss now, I wonder if he's thinking I'm being clingy, or just going along with it because he thinks it's what I want. Today he kept saying: "You know how much you mean to me", "I really mean it when I say you're the best thing to have happened to me" but even that makes me feel odd, because they're already quite strong statements, yet he thinks I feel considerably more than that for him? Not sure what to do!
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    Sorry, just realised how long this is! Most of it's in the title and last two paragraphs if you don't want to read it all
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    Sounds like he's saying those nice things to counter what he said before. I don't know what you can do really. He obviously still likes you. If he thought you were too clingy he wouldn't have said those nice things. I bet the awkwardness will blow over soon.
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    hmmm that is a situation and a half. The guy sounds sweet, anyway. he probably feels your not being yourself around him, dont you ever disagree? about anything? how do you decide where you want to go out to eat, for example? he's proabably wondering why you never have bad days, and i dont blame him as i'm wondering the same thing. If you have 'issues' regarding this maybe you should open up and tell him? other than that, all i can suggest is be more assertive.
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    meh i normally get the whole "i think you like me, more than i like you"
    generally i find its because i always seem so sure of the relationship, and don't worry or even think about it going wrong or ending. its just how i handle relationships. other people may take longer to open up to you and properly commit to it. its who they are, you just have to accept it.

    you just have to throttle back slightly
    giving him a kiss and hug whenever you see him is perfectly fine. texting calling him a billion times a day generally isn't. spending all your free time together is generally not a good idea either.
    its a really hard line to walk. but believe him when he tells you that your the best thing that ever happened to him. otherwise you'll just throw trust issues into the mix and make it worse.
    definately have a serious talk about this stuff. but its nothing to break up over, just a bump that needs to be worked out
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    Thanks you two I think you've picked up on a good point there, jackson. When it comes to little decisions like where to eat, that's exactly the kind of thing I find it hard to be assertive about. For a long time I has a best friend who decided everything, because she was quite fussy, and it was less that I wanted to please her, but more that her preference for X seemed to be so much stronger than mine, so it seemed illogical to insist on my way. So when it comes to my boyfriend, it's not exactly that I'm just trying to please him in saying he can choose, but more that I personally don't seem to have major preferences in that respect.

    When it comes to situations where I know I really want to do something, or he makes a suggestion which I don't agree with, I'm fine with speaking up, but a lot of the time it's more that I genuinely don't mind either way.
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    (Original post by didgeridoo12uk)
    meh i normally get the whole "i think you like me, more than i like you"
    generally i find its because i always seem so sure of the relationship, and don't worry or even think about it going wrong or ending. its just how i handle relationships. other people may take longer to open up to you and properly commit to it. its who they are, you just have to accept it.

    you just have to throttle back slightly
    giving him a kiss and hug whenever you see him is perfectly fine. texting calling him a billion times a day generally isn't. spending all your free time together is generally not a good idea either.
    its a really hard line to walk. but believe him when he tells you that your the best thing that ever happened to him. otherwise you'll just throw trust issues into the mix and make it worse.
    definately have a serious talk about this stuff. but its nothing to break up over, just a bump that needs to be worked out
    Exactly, and one thing he even said last night was: "It was such a mistake bringing this up, because the thing about us is we don't overanalyse things. If it feels fine, then there's no point worrying about what might happen". The throttling back makes sense, although I'm not an overly clingy person anyway; we see each other enough that I don't feel like I need to text or ring him all that often- only if something specific comes up. It's to the extent that last night he even also said: "I feel a bit like you might be holding back, like you might want to text/phone me more, but you don't want to come across as clingy"... ouch :p:
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    TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. Or everything is gonna be awkward forever and your relationship is doomed. talk to him before its too late. if you value ur relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Exactly, and one thing he even said last night was: "It was such a mistake bringing this up, because the thing about us is we don't overanalyse things. If it feels fine, then there's no point worrying about what might happen". The throttling back makes sense, although I'm not an overly clingy person anyway; we see each other enough that I don't feel like I need to text or ring him all that often- only if something specific comes up. It's to the extent that last night he even also said: "I feel a bit like you might be holding back, like you might want to text/phone me more, but you don't want to come across as clingy"... ouch :p:

    hmm i'd probably just ignore it then :/

    if it keeps playing on your mind though, seriously talk to him about it.
    some of my ex's have had little problems with us, and just not said anything for 2ish months. meaning when it finally did come up, instead of being something small and easy to sort out, it had become some huuuge issue in their mind :/

    so yeh if its still bothering you in a week, go have a serious chat with him and try work out exactly what he meant/thinks. relationships are all about communication
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    Sounds like you're making something out of nothing.
 
 
 
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