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Getting fed up with uni watch

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    Basically, my mum died six weeks ago and I've found it difficult going back to university. I've spoken to my course leader and she's emailed all my tutors to tell them if I'm at uni that I probably won't be at my best, and if I'm not there then it's because I feel like I can't go in. She said everyone was fine with that and I needed to stop worrying about deadlines etc because I was getting panic attacks (doctors just prescribed me with anti depressents but don't really want to take them :\).

    Anyway, I've just logged in to uni email and my personal tutor has emailed me and a few other people saying hes concerned about our lack of attendence and if we don't go then we'll more than likely fail.

    This has stressed me out so much. He knows why I'm not there and now I'm panicking I'm going to fail. I just don't know what to do/say. Failing my first year would just make everything even worse but somedays I just cannot go in.

    What on earth do I email back?
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    Hi

    Can you not defer to next year or something? I guess even if the tutors have sympathy for you that they will still have to fail you if you don't put in the work?
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    agree, maybe defer?
    If not just email him and say something has happened at home, and you just need some time.
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    take the anti-depressants, your doctor wouldnt have prescribed them if he didnt think they would help.

    just ignore the email, it may well have been sent out automatically. if you really need to you can drop out, and just start uni again next year?
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    #1

    I can't defer because I took a year out last year (wouldn't get any finance for a year as you only get four yrs student finance) so that isn't an option.

    I am putting all my effort into going and before my mum died I was getting firsts in my essays.
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    yea, im not good with senstive ****, but you need to work, just because your mum died isn't a good reason to spend weeks off uni.

    I know people who went to college and uni the day after their family(parents and grandparent) died.

    The world goes on and yeah get over it.
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    (Original post by Libtolu)
    yea, im not good with senstive ****, but you need to work, just because your mum died isn't a good reason to spend weeks off uni.

    I know people who went to college and uni the day after their family(parents and grandparent) died.

    The world goes on and yeah get over it.
    That kind of inability to sympathise makes me worry about the possibility of you becoming a mass murderer.

    Don't listen to Libtolu OP, if you need time take time, your tutor would have just emailed everyone automatically so disregard that email.

    In the mean time take the medication if you can and ask for a leave of absence from uni. Make sure you are ready before you come back. Pushing it all deep down now could make things worse further on.

    And I'm sorry for your loss, though it can't mean much from a stranger.
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    (Original post by AlexaDark)
    That kind of inability to sympathise makes me worry about the possibility of you becoming a mass murderer.

    Don't listen to Libtolu OP, if you need time take time, your tutor would have just emailed everyone automatically so disregard that email.

    In the mean time take the medication if you can and ask for a leave of absence from uni. Make sure you are ready before you come back. Pushing it all deep down now could make things worse further on.

    And I'm sorry for your loss, though it can't mean much from a stranger.
    Thank you, it does mean a lot I would love to take leave from uni but I simply can't afford to do rubbish on my essays So it's a no win situation really - I can't stay off because I'll worry about my work = panic attacks, yet I hate going because I get the attacks lol. Ugh. The email has just made me think I'll fail.

    I do have extenuating circumstances which hopefully they'll take into consideration at the end of the year but :\ Blah. I've missed so much and I'm really worrying now, especially about my presentations and exams. Blaaah.
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    (Original post by Libtolu)
    yea, im not good with senstive ****, but you need to work, just because your mum died isn't a good reason to spend weeks off uni.

    I know people who went to college and uni the day after their family(parents and grandparent) died.

    The world goes on and yeah get over it.

    You are a ******* moron, seriously.

    OP, I totally empathise, something similar happened to me before my second year exams. What it may be worth considering is getting extensions on all assignments at least in the run up to the exam period. I mean, unless you're at LSE/Cambridge and some other institutions you won't be able to defer your exams till the late summer. I know this is all very far far ahead but there are ways of lightening the load so to speak.

    Feel free to PM me if you want some advice on getting around this.

    Please do try find a way to focus on your work, as difficult as it is, challenges like these in life can bring out the best in us. It doesn't have to bring out the worst.
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    (Original post by AlexaDark)
    That kind of inability to sympathise makes me worry about the possibility of you becoming a mass murderer.

    Don't listen to Libtolu OP, if you need time take time, your tutor would have just emailed everyone automatically so disregard that email.

    In the mean time take the medication if you can and ask for a leave of absence from uni. Make sure you are ready before you come back. Pushing it all deep down now could make things worse further on.

    And I'm sorry for your loss, though it can't mean much from a stranger.

    No i wont be a mass murderer, i don't see any point in killing. however i also think that by the time you're old enough to go to uni you should have come to terms with the fact that people die.

    I know my mum is going to die and yes i will be sad but i highly doubt i will take any time off what im doing because to me death is unimportant, i'm independant i don't need my mum to look after me anymore she has given me the ability to survive and i love her for it, but i don't see any point in spending weeks(not days but weeks) in mourning because it serves no useful purpose.

    No matter how long you spend thinking about the dead they never come back, so you may as well say your farewells and get on with your life. The op could very well be jeopardising his/her future by skipping uni.
    Would the parent want them to fail uni? probably not, so the best thing to do is carry on, remember them but don't dwell on their deaths.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically, my mum died six weeks ago and I've found it difficult going back to university. I've spoken to my course leader and she's emailed all my tutors to tell them if I'm at uni that I probably won't be at my best, and if I'm not there then it's because I feel like I can't go in. She said everyone was fine with that and I needed to stop worrying about deadlines etc because I was getting panic attacks (doctors just prescribed me with anti depressents but don't really want to take them :\).

    Anyway, I've just logged in to uni email and my personal tutor has emailed me and a few other people saying hes concerned about our lack of attendence and if we don't go then we'll more than likely fail.

    This has stressed me out so much. He knows why I'm not there and now I'm panicking I'm going to fail. I just don't know what to do/say. Failing my first year would just make everything even worse but somedays I just cannot go in.

    What on earth do I email back?
    Inform him I'd say, maybe he forgot or something. I'm sorry for your loss and good luck with your course
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    (Original post by Dr. Jan Itor)
    Yes it is you ******* moron.
    No it isn't douche read my other post and stop being a mug, reply with something worth while and don't post part of my post , post all of it or none of it.
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    don't defer
    what good will come of giving up
    try your best to keep goingwith the firsts
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    (Original post by Libtolu)
    No i wont be a mass murderer, i don't see any point in killing. however i also think that by the time you're old enough to go to uni you should have come to terms with the fact that people die.

    I know my mum is going to die and yes i will be sad but i highly doubt i will take any time off what im doing because to me death is unimportant, i'm independant i don't need my mum to look after me anymore she has given me the ability to survive and i love her for it, but i don't see any point in spending weeks(not days but weeks) in mourning because it serves no useful purpose.

    No matter how long you spend thinking about the dead they never come back, so you may as well say your farewells and get on with your life. The op could very well be jeopardising his/her future by skipping uni.
    Would the parent want them to fail uni? probably not, so the best thing to do is carry on, remember them but don't dwell on their deaths.
    But they had an emotional connection with their mother. I do not understand that you cannot understand this. The OP, I am sure, is aware of mortality and that people pass on. It is not a massive revelation. But there is always a period of mourning. It does not make them weak. It does not make you stronger or better by announcing that you will not blink if your parent dies. That being the point, your parent has not died. You will never know fully how you feel until they do, until then you can only guess at how you would feel and I don't think it is good to judge others on a guess.


    OP if you want to talk to your tutor or in fact a guidance tutor of sorts at your uni it may be a good idea. Just so you can fully explore the pathways open to you about marks being made up because of your circumstances. All you can do is try your best :-) and that should be enough for anyone.
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    remember that first year doesnt normally count towards your final grade, all you have to do is pass. if you were getting firsts before, just aim for the 40% pass mark (usually) and you can do better in 2nd and 3rd year once you're in a better state of mind.
    it's hard, but keep going.
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    Can't you fill out an excruciating circumstances form
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    I'm sorry to hear about yourr mum. Usually it is the personal tutor who you should inform about these kinds of personal issues, who will then deal with them and inform whoever needs to be. Email your personal tutor and ask that he/she informs everyone about your circumstances, tell them that you told the course leader but he obviously hasn't had time to let everyone know. Say that you would like to pursue your degree but you'll be quite vulnerable and under the circumstances you would appreciate if you didn't have to deal with all the issues like attendence etc. Stress that you really need support at the moment while you try and get back on track.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically, my mum died six weeks ago and I've found it difficult going back to university. I've spoken to my course leader and she's emailed all my tutors to tell them if I'm at uni that I probably won't be at my best, and if I'm not there then it's because I feel like I can't go in. She said everyone was fine with that and I needed to stop worrying about deadlines etc because I was getting panic attacks (doctors just prescribed me with anti depressents but don't really want to take them :\).

    Anyway, I've just logged in to uni email and my personal tutor has emailed me and a few other people saying hes concerned about our lack of attendence and if we don't go then we'll more than likely fail.

    This has stressed me out so much. He knows why I'm not there and now I'm panicking I'm going to fail. I just don't know what to do/say. Failing my first year would just make everything even worse but somedays I just cannot go in.

    What on earth do I email back?
    Try not to worry about the work for the moment - I think it's likely that the email was sent out automatically or that your tutor had forgotten your circumstances when he sent it. I'm sure that he didn't do it to worry you further. Maybe speak to your course leader again and explain what has happened and then she may be able to have a word with him for you. Don't go back before you feel ready. Do you have a friend on the same course that could take notes and email them to you? or is there some way you can get powerpoints etc on the internet? That way you could at least keep up a little. Hope everything goes well for you :console:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically, my mum died six weeks ago and I've found it difficult going back to university. I've spoken to my course leader and she's emailed all my tutors to tell them if I'm at uni that I probably won't be at my best, and if I'm not there then it's because I feel like I can't go in. She said everyone was fine with that and I needed to stop worrying about deadlines etc because I was getting panic attacks (doctors just prescribed me with anti depressents but don't really want to take them :\).

    Anyway, I've just logged in to uni email and my personal tutor has emailed me and a few other people saying hes concerned about our lack of attendence and if we don't go then we'll more than likely fail.

    This has stressed me out so much. He knows why I'm not there and now I'm panicking I'm going to fail. I just don't know what to do/say. Failing my first year would just make everything even worse but somedays I just cannot go in.

    What on earth do I email back?
    First of all, I'm very sorry for what has happened to you. I can't say many people on here can empathise truly with what you are going through, however all I can say is that your strength to go back to university and try is really commendable.

    However you have to look at your options. If you feel you can try to work through the year, you can apply for independant or to the university's counsellor to give you extra support. Your tutors and lecturers are aware of your situation and will act accordingly to your needs, and the email from your tutor is general concern, she will know about your mother's death and will be simply reminding you to work harder.

    However, if you feel that you will not get the best grades you can get from yourself at this time, maybe you can apply to the university to defer your entry and come back in a year or so. You can take the year off to recover, be with your relatives and possibly gain some counselling as you said your doctor has prescribed your anti-depressants. I'm not saying a year out will magically heal you, but not having to focus on the stresses of university life and your work might help.

    My heart is with you in this hard time. Good luck with whatever you do. x
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    (Original post by AlexaDark)
    But they had an emotional connection with their mother. I do not understand that you cannot understand this. The OP, I am sure, is aware of mortality and that people pass on. It is not a massive revelation. But there is always a period of mourning. It does not make them weak. It does not make you stronger or better by announcing that you will not blink if your parent dies. That being the point, your parent has not died. You will never know fully how you feel until they do, until then you can only guess at how you would feel and I don't think it is good to judge others on a guess.


    OP if you want to talk to your tutor or in fact a guidance tutor of sorts at your uni it may be a good idea. Just so you can fully explore the pathways open to you about marks being made up because of your circumstances. All you can do is try your best :-) and that should be enough for anyone.

    I have lost a parent and i did share an emotional bond with them, it wasn't pleasant but i still went to school.

    My point wasn't that death is inevitable but that ruining his education isn't a good idea. Mourning death is required but you can't let it get in the way of your life, op needs to get on with his life, no matter how painful it is, thinking about it wont solve anything and i personally didn't take weeks to get over it, i still remember it but i'm don't get distraught at the thought.
 
 
 
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