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First Love Forever, or Greener Grass? watch

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    Me and my long-term boyfriend of almost three years have been getting quite serious for a while, and he recently he's dropping hints about marriage, which I'm thrilled about as we're both helplessly in love

    However, something is bothering me ever so slightly, While he's seven years my senior (I'm 21, he's 28) and has had previous relationships, he was and is my very first. Is it naive of me to settle with the one and only boyfriend I've ever had, not having "played the field" so to speak?

    He's by no means perfect, and I very much doubt anyone else out there is - I certainly am not, and how he puts up with me at times is seriously beyond me :p:
    I love the idea of being with my first love forever and always - but my only love too?
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    That depends.

    When I was with my first GF I was thinking like you, she is my first and only, how do I know there is not something better out there?

    Difference was I asked myself if I loved her, and would I be happy to be with only her for the rest of my life, and the answer was no. Took a while, but in the end I finished with her. We were together for about 3-4 years.

    Im now with my 2nd GF, and when I ask myself the same question, the answer is definately 'yes' to both.
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    I don't agree with marrying your first and only partner. How do you know how good they are if you have nobody to compare them to? Everything's all relative in this world, and right now you percieve your boyfriend to be good..relative to nothing.

    It's why promiscuity can be so useful, over time you start to gather a good a idea of what standards there should be. But it's a bit too late now isn't it, it's not like you can break up with him and go see a handfull of other guys and then if he turns out to be the best go back to him.

    I guess in a way the fact that you havn't had any other partners leaves you not missing out on anything because you're not aware of the things that should and should not be in your current relationship. Kind of like a person born blind doesn't find it so hard to live their life because they havn't had any sight to know what they're missing. I may be talking complete rubbish here....:dontknow:
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    I don't agree with marrying your first and only partner. How do you know how good they are if you have nobody to compare them to? Everything's all relative in this world, and right now you percieve your boyfriend to be good..relative to nothing.

    It's why promiscuity can be so useful, over time you start to gather a good a idea of what standards there should be. But it's a bit too late now isn't it, it's not like you can break up with him and go see a handfull of other guys and then if he turns out to be the best go back to him.

    I guess in a way the fact that you havn't had any other partners leaves you not missing out on anything because you're not aware of the things that should and should not be in your current relationship. Kind of like a person born blind doesn't find it so hard to live their life because they havn't had any sight to know what they're missing. I may be talking complete rubbish here....:dontknow:
    I think it depends on your personality as well though, I've had a fair few lovers and honestly break-ups really started to strain on me after a while....I sometimes think I'd be better off mentally with just having had one lovely relationship that lasted than several exciting ones which systematically went balls up. I suppose it does allow a good basis for comparison and I (mostly) don't regret my experiences, but I also think it's a fools game to chase after the unattainable 'perfect' partner when you already are in love.
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    I'm in my first relationship/first love/ first sexual partner (I'm a girl he's a guy).

    On the one hand - it's good to have experience, to live life. I always imagined having a series of boyfriends as being my life. I always imagined that as the normal life, the fun life - and that limiting yourself to one partner in a lifetime was boring.

    On the other - I really love him. I can't say now whether we have a permanent future.. but I would kinda like that. I think our relationship is stronger and better than a lot of other people's - unusually so. We click really well, we have a spark.
    What if he's the best I'll ever have? I feel as though I could be happy with him forever. Some people must happen by chance to stumble across amazing perfect relationships the very first time. I can't throw away something great for the sake of experimentation.

    Maybe it's unlucky to find your true love or whatever first time - because of this "issue", this lack of romantic adventure I guess. But then maybe these people are the luckiest. Imagine never being dumped, never going through a breakup or pining after some guy you can't have. Maybe that's perfect.

    I dunno.. I'm kinda hoping it works out that we are together cause I just love him so much. Maybe that would mean missing out - but maybe it's worth it.

    And also.. at least you know it's real (perhaps?) It seems an odd coincidence that people find the ideal partner around the time they ought to be settling down and having kids. Maybe they're the ones who are settling? Or maybe with experience you get better at selecting partners who are really good for you until this culminates into mr/mrs "perfect".

    I dunno. My "advice" is poor :p: It's more like scattered thoughts.
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    In my personal opinion, you clearly feel love towards him and surely that's the important thing. You love this guy, why should you need to 'try out others' if this is the one that makes you happy?
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    (Original post by Playboy King)
    I don't agree with marrying your first and only partner. How do you know how good they are if you have nobody to compare them to? Everything's all relative in this world, and right now you percieve your boyfriend to be good..relative to nothing.

    It's why promiscuity can be so useful, over time you start to gather a good a idea of what standards there should be. But it's a bit too late now isn't it, it's not like you can break up with him and go see a handfull of other guys and then if he turns out to be the best go back to him.

    I guess in a way the fact that you havn't had any other partners leaves you not missing out on anything because you're not aware of the things that should and should not be in your current relationship. Kind of like a person born blind doesn't find it so hard to live their life because they havn't had any sight to know what they're missing. I may be talking complete rubbish here....:dontknow:
    I don't agree with you - I dont think you always need to have something to compare something else to in order to judge how good it is - I think you can still tell when you've struck gold, whether or not you have loads of useless copper lying around to compare it to..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my first relationship/first love/ first sexual partner (I'm a girl he's a guy).

    On the one hand - it's good to have experience, to live life. I always imagined having a series of boyfriends as being my life. I always imagined that as the normal life, the fun life - and that limiting yourself to one partner in a lifetime was boring.

    On the other - I really love him. I can't say now whether we have a permanent future.. but I would kinda like that. I think our relationship is stronger and better than a lot of other people's - unusually so. We click really well, we have a spark.
    What if he's the best I'll ever have? I feel as though I could be happy with him forever. Some people must happen by chance to stumble across amazing perfect relationships the very first time. I can't throw away something great for the sake of experimentation.

    Maybe it's unlucky to find your true love or whatever first time - because of this "issue", this lack of romantic adventure I guess. But then maybe these people are the luckiest. Imagine never being dumped, never going through a breakup or pining after some guy you can't have. Maybe that's perfect.

    I dunno.. I'm kinda hoping it works out that we are together cause I just love him so much. Maybe that would mean missing out - but maybe it's worth it.

    And also.. at least you know it's real (perhaps?) It seems an odd coincidence that people find the ideal partner around the time they ought to be settling down and having kids. Maybe they're the ones who are settling? Or maybe with experience you get better at selecting partners who are really good for you until this culminates into mr/mrs "perfect".

    I dunno. My "advice" is poor :p: It's more like scattered thoughts.
    It's more exciting to have had different lovers, I agree with that, but really it can tear you apart when things **** up if you're a more sensitive soul like myself. Romantic adventure isn't all it's cracked up to be, I think it possibly makes you a more relatable, compassionate person if you've been screwed over but if you meet someone off the bat you love then there is no baggage or trust issues to deal with and that is one huge plus.

    As for the bit in bold I think it's a bit of both to be honest.
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    (Original post by missbrowneyes)
    I don't agree with you - I dont think you always need to have something to compare something else to in order to judge how good it is - I think you can still tell when you've struck gold, whether or not you have loads of useless copper lying around to compare it to..
    Some people may view the copper to be more valuable than the gold though.

    Na, I'm just being pedantic here...each to their own I say! Different ways for different people :yep:
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    I've never understood the whole 'grass is greener' thing, because every time you see someone fall for it, it turns out to be quite the opposite. I've never experienced anyone finding the grass greener on the other side, as it were.

    I'm happy to live in the moment really and not get too philosophical about love/relationships/the one. If you're happy, then continue doing whatever it is that's making you happy. If it starts to make you discontent, then it's time to make changes. That's life, but there's seriously no point in trying to guess whether the grass is greener - it very very rarely is, in my experience.
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    Either way, you'd probably regret it to a certain extent. I'm in a similar situation now, not quite as serious granted... but I'm not particularly thinking about it (or try not to). There's no guarantee it would even last forever, may as well live for the moment. I'd probably get more stressed when marriage hints starts flying around... but we both agree we're nowhere near there yet

    If you love him and are happy, I would say don't break up with him. I don't think it's a good enough reason to warrant a break-up... and you'll always always wonder 'what if', and if the grass was greener with the boyfriend you're with now, because it ended for reasons beyond you two being yourselves.
 
 
 
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