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Broke up, still love each other, confused. Watch

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    Me and my girlfriend were at a party together and I was trying to be fairly close to her like dance but it sort of seemed like she was pushing me away. Ok, the deal is not many know we're together but I mean it was really dark and like no one would have even noticed or cared but yes, maybe I'm at fault for trying but I just really missed her cause I hadn't seen her in ages so just wanted to be close to her.

    I don't know what happened next but I left a bit to get some fresh air because I was a bit annoyed to be honest and she went into the toilet crying apparently. She came out and was just talking to her friend for a long time and then I tried talk to her (for quite a while she didn't want to) but eventually she said she doesn't know what she wants and that maybe we're better off as friends. It's just totally out of the blue. I mean, we still both love each other but she wants to just try being friends and then see what happens with that.

    I want to be with her but as a boyfriend not just as a friend - I mean, I love her! She was just really confused herself and just kept saying "I don't know" if I asked her anything. I'm just really sad now, obviously, and I don't know what the hell to do. I mean it's just totally random and it's not like we were fighting a lot or something before this. She said she loves me back so I don't know how we could even try be friends if we love each other. I just want her to be happy at the end of the day but maybe I'm selfish, I don't know, but I want her to be happy with ME...
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    just tell her how much you love her, etc... u really wanna be with her, blah blah blah.
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    Not many people knew you were together? Why was that?
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    (Original post by skipp)
    Not many people knew you were together? Why was that?
    Yeah... tbh, are you sure she was serious about you and not just a bit embarrassed to be seen with you?
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    (Original post by black_mac29)
    just tell her how much you love her, etc... u really wanna be with her, blah blah blah.
    Yeah, that's a great way to really drive her off...

    Sounds like she's a bit confused at the moment. The fact she doesnt want to be 'seen' as together with you would sound major alarm bells in my head. You need a straight answer out of her, dont let her play you around. Either she does want to be with you or she doesnt. Ask her straight.
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    it's good you want her to be happy, but if she wants to be happy without you, you need to let her go i'm afraid!
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Yeah, that's a great way to really drive her off...

    Sounds like she's a bit confused at the moment. The fact she doesnt want to be 'seen' as together with you would sound major alarm bells in my head. You need a straight answer out of her, dont let her play you around. Either she does want to be with you or she doesnt. Ask her straight.
    (Original post by skipp)
    Not many people knew you were together? Why was that?
    No well I should have explained that it's been an on and off relationship for just over a year now. I'm certain many will say we shouldn't even bother because we've broken up and gotten together like 3 times now but she's my first love and I think I've really fallen for her and just want to be with her. I guess I forgive too easily for the times we do argue and just focus on all the good times we have spent - even if that may be fewer.

    We didn't want people to know because we have some "friends" who just gossip and talk too much and we both felt that we didn't want that to happen. The important people (good friends) did know however so I don't think it was that she was embarrassed or anything.

    It's weird because we were together for maybe 8 months straight and then broke up. Then we got together for a tiny bit but realised maybe we shouldn't and just tried remain friends but failed. But then, like after I was trying really hard to get over her, she said she still loved me and, I dunno, it's the forgiving thing - I just let her into my life too easily because of the times that we do spend that make us happy. She says she's confused and I'm sure she is but I also do feel like she was the one who wanted to get together and now she's the one confused? I do feel slightly played but I'm sure that's not what she wants to do at all.

    Her problem is that she doesn't like to talk about things and is the sort of person that just wants to try be happy and not really deal with problems at hand. Great for her but makes it really difficult for me to know what she's thinking - she loves me a lot and wants to get back one day and now she's confused about what she wants?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No well I should have explained that it's been an on and off relationship for just over a year now. I'm certain many will say we shouldn't even bother because we've broken up and gotten together like 3 times now but she's my first love and I think I've really fallen for her and just want to be with her. I guess I forgive too easily for the times we do argue and just focus on all the good times we have spent - even if that may be fewer.

    We didn't want people to know because we have some "friends" who just gossip and talk too much and we both felt that we didn't want that to happen. The important people (good friends) did know however so I don't think it was that she was embarrassed or anything.

    It's weird because we were together for maybe 8 months straight and then broke up. Then we got together for a tiny bit but realised maybe we shouldn't and just tried remain friends but failed. But then, like after I was trying really hard to get over her, she said she still loved me and, I dunno, it's the forgiving thing - I just let her into my life too easily because of the times that we do spend that make us happy. She says she's confused and I'm sure she is but I also do feel like she was the one who wanted to get together and now she's the one confused? I do feel slightly played but I'm sure that's not what she wants to do at all.

    Her problem is that she doesn't like to talk about things and is the sort of person that just wants to try be happy and not really deal with problems at hand. Great for her but makes it really difficult for me to know what she's thinking - she loves me a lot and wants to get back one day and now she's confused about what she wants?
    Best thing to do in this situation is to get some distance...if you pressure her to stay in a relationship you're just going to end up in the same cycle and your relationship is never going to function. She's got the right idea when she says it's best that you're friends for now. Yes you 'love' her...but if you cared about each other it'd become natural after a while to care about each other as friends...then when you've sorted yourselves out you'll either get together one day if it's all meant to work out or you'll both end up with other people and be happy about it if it wasn't :dontknow: relationships are more than just about 'love', if they're going to work they've got to be a partnership that works on a practical as well as an emotional level...and at the moment yours isn't working on a practical level so you're rowing all the time and suffering emotionally. Just try and adapt to being friends (and really be friends) and see how things pan out in the long run.
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    she sounds like an emotional train wreck, just leave her be for the time being. if you try and get closer you only end up putting more distance between you and her
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    do you really LOVE her though?! if you're constantly breaking up maybe its more of a habit or a need to be with someone!!

    and does she love you? a relationship has to be mutual, if she doesn't want to be with you any more, you can't force her because you'll just lose her completely and then she won't even want to be friends.

    give her some space to let her think and then see what happens
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    (Original post by stinky--pete)
    do you really LOVE her though?! if you're constantly breaking up maybe its more of a habit or a need to be with someone!!

    and does she love you? a relationship has to be mutual, if she doesn't want to be with you any more, you can't force her because you'll just lose her completely and then she won't even want to be friends.

    give her some space to let her think and then see what happens
    I have thought of it that way before but I really do think that I love her. There's no 100% way to determine if it's real love or not but I honestly do believe that I really love her.

    I don't know, I think and hope she does. I mean, she says she still does and I believe her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have thought of it that way before but I really do think that I love her. There's no 100% way to determine if it's real love or not but I honestly do believe that I really love her.

    I don't know, I think and hope she does. I mean, she says she still does and I believe her.
    then let her know how you feel and talk about it, even if its difficult. you sound like a decent guy and you deserve the truth!!

    good luck!!
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    (Original post by skipp)
    Best thing to do in this situation is to get some distance...if you pressure her to stay in a relationship you're just going to end up in the same cycle and your relationship is never going to function. She's got the right idea when she says it's best that you're friends for now. Yes you 'love' her...but if you cared about each other it'd become natural after a while to care about each other as friends...then when you've sorted yourselves out you'll either get together one day if it's all meant to work out or you'll both end up with other people and be happy about it if it wasn't :dontknow: relationships are more than just about 'love', if they're going to work they've got to be a partnership that works on a practical as well as an emotional level...and at the moment yours isn't working on a practical level so you're rowing all the time and suffering emotionally. Just try and adapt to being friends (and really be friends) and see how things pan out in the long run.
    I think you're spot on and thank you for the advice. I know you can't really say but when you say keep distance for a while what sort of time-frame do you have in mind? I know it's not working on a practical level and that's the problem - we love each other, I'm sure of that, but it can't solely work on an emotional level. I'm not 100% sure on how we go about trying to solve the practical issues though - she finds it very difficult to actually talk about her feelings (if not impossible) which then makes it impossible for me to know what she wants or to just talk about our problems and solve them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think you're spot on and thank you for the advice. I know you can't really say but when you say keep distance for a while what sort of time-frame do you have in mind? I know it's not working on a practical level and that's the problem - we love each other, I'm sure of that, but it can't solely work on an emotional level. I'm not 100% sure on how we go about trying to solve the practical issues though - she finds it very difficult to actually talk about her feelings (if not impossible) which then makes it impossible for me to know what she wants or to just talk about our problems and solve them.
    Until it works/you grow apart, 5 hours, 5days, 5 weeks, 5months, 5 years, overthinking this really isn't going to help, and having expectations isn't either...you're going to just have to take it as it comes...if you care about her be her friend...and until you feel comfortable with that you're just going to have to keep yourself in check :giggle: it won't be easy if you want to be with her...but eventually things'll work out for the both of you whether you ever get back together in the future or not :yep: if she's not very good about talking about things it might be easier for her this way...some people become more open as they grow up and have new experiences, which won't do either of you any harm...so experience being apart for now and best of luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my girlfriend were at a party together and I was trying to be fairly close to her like dance but it sort of seemed like she was pushing me away. Ok, the deal is not many know we're together but I mean it was really dark and like no one would have even noticed or cared but yes, maybe I'm at fault for trying but I just really missed her cause I hadn't seen her in ages so just wanted to be close to her.

    I don't know what happened next but I left a bit to get some fresh air because I was a bit annoyed to be honest and she went into the toilet crying apparently. She came out and was just talking to her friend for a long time and then I tried talk to her (for quite a while she didn't want to) but eventually she said she doesn't know what she wants and that maybe we're better off as friends. It's just totally out of the blue. I mean, we still both love each other but she wants to just try being friends and then see what happens with that.

    I want to be with her but as a boyfriend not just as a friend - I mean, I love her! She was just really confused herself and just kept saying "I don't know" if I asked her anything. I'm just really sad now, obviously, and I don't know what the hell to do. I mean it's just totally random and it's not like we were fighting a lot or something before this. She said she loves me back so I don't know how we could even try be friends if we love each other. I just want her to be happy at the end of the day but maybe I'm selfish, I don't know, but I want her to be happy with ME...

    Just tell her how you feel, and don't talk in spaces. Tell her everything you like about her, compliment her and make her feel special. Offer to take her out for a meal to talk about it. And let her know that you're there for her whatever problems she may have, you'll always be a shoulder to cry on. And if she is still confused, just let her know you will always be there if she should change her mind.
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    (Original post by skipp)
    Until it works/you grow apart, 5 hours, 5days, 5 weeks, 5months, 5 years, overthinking this really isn't going to help, and having expectations isn't either...you're going to just have to take it as it comes...if you care about her be her friend...and until you feel comfortable with that you're just going to have to keep yourself in check :giggle: it won't be easy if you want to be with her...but eventually things'll work out for the both of you whether you ever get back together in the future or not :yep: if she's not very good about talking about things it might be easier for her this way...some people become more open as they grow up and have new experiences, which won't do either of you any harm...so experience being apart for now and best of luck
    Yes, I guess you're right. I don't know, I've placed so much importance on her which probably hasn't been great because I've pretty much lost her enough times to feel like my life is crap. I'll try do what you say but I feel like I'm gonna jump the gun like I've always done and end up a few months down the line in the exact same problem. I know that but my emotions just take hold of me and I make put her up on a pedestal and try really hard to get back with her.

    I want to think I deserve better than that but at times I feel like it's 100% my fault that I'm in this situation because I can't do what you've said to do. My heart takes over and I don't think properly.
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    Just try talk to her about how you feel and try come up with some sort of resolution? I realise it's hard but she can't keep running away from the problems.
 
 
 
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