I mean completely changed it, like lead to gold?
Ever done this?
1.What did you realize about life that made you do this?
2.What kept you going and driven to ignore the distractions around you?
Weak rep to the best answer, my first rep actually (if that adds value)
Blow me away !!!!!
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Ever changed your life?...What did you realize? watch
- Thread Starter
- 31-01-2010 00:48
- 01-02-2010 03:12
after being sexually assulted (and to top that off my "friends" abandoning me just before the scene when they could clearly see that i was drugged and unable to get home safely, and they cant accuse mem of being "pissed" because i had 2 vk oranges which i have drank a million times before and i know at that amount in still sober, not 7 vodca's and to top that off they didnt even seem that concerned about my safety so i thought f*** it i wont bother telling you what happened because i never want to talk to you again) , becomming homeless, being what is clinically alcoholic (though i dont think i was as i could spend a day indoors and not drink, its just that i used to go out 5 times a week and everytime i had to get trashed in order to feel comfortable socially), i had depresion (to the point of self harm, isolation, not wanting to live, etc, being mugged, living off a few quid per week (after rent and bills) and doing some of the ********* jobs, i.e. working for below min wage in an unlicenced cafe run by immigrants, living with my bf at the time in a dreadful relationship, fallen out with my group of friends so i started 2nd yr (after freshers week) with NO friends in my uni town, was constantly bullied at my old job by my boss and colleagues making the job unbearable (fast food), had over 200 quid stolen off "so called friends" at a time when i despirately needed it. This was not written in order and all happened in just over a year (fresher year!)
I ended up working alot of hrs during uni time (3-5 days a week (at 8-9 hrs each, sometimes 7 or 10), though 4 being most often), whilst figuring that joining societies would help with the friends part. After trying out everthing during the first few weeks and remembering what societies i didnt enjoy last year that i thought i would, despite my fear of heights, and my fear of going underwater and having never done any sort of outdoor sport (except maybe the odd school trip) im now a kayacker, i do caving, climbing and when i have time (which is very rarely) i do archery (though thats more of a social thing tbh). The people i hang out with now are completely different, my interests are different, pretty much everything is different. during last term i rarely slept, i was working full time hrs, 3 sports clubs and a full time degree whilst battling with depression and trying to get back on track with myself emotionally and socially. I barely slept!, would be something silly like 2/3 hrs untill i can't carry on, get a nights decent kip then back to my version of a nights sleep. You dont realise how many hrs there are actually in a day if you plan your time better and that hr before class that you think f*** it i'll do my essay later, that does make a difference (LOL, and im on TSR right now...). Though im glad i worked so much last term and saved abit so i could pack the job in and just do holiday work on campus (though i did get abit of xmas money that helped!)
i used to enjoy clubbing alot, now i find it boring if you do it too much and tbh i rarely have the time so i just go maybe once a month on socials. Im more of a house party/pub person
politically my views have changed abit as all of this has made me grow up abit and think things through, rather then simply "lifes not fair, lets make everything equal and i believe in world peace because war is bad"
im more insecure than before but that because apart from the cafe thing everything i listed above happened during march- automn 09, so i guess thats natural but im working on it, and just putting myself out there even if i really dont want to because once im there in enjoying myself and i'll just regret it othewise. Though i know how to deal with my insecurities better, so if im having a depressive episode to the point of being rude, irritable and refusing conversation in a party i know to leave before it jeapodises my friendships with them. I have more of a "man up and just do it" attitude rather than moaning about the smallest things. All the stupid things like guys or shopping really are not that major, theres ALOT more to life then clubbing. Im more productive, and i can help/relate to people better if they have any issues. Plus i know what i enjoy and i know myself alot better and i have alot more to look forward to, and im not so "lost" i hope.
sorry its long but life changing stories are not usually short!
(though i probably would have summarised that more if it wasnt 3am and if i wasnt so tired)
- 01-02-2010 03:18
though speaking of work, although i said im glad i worked that much, that was not my choice to work that much, my manager was a *****, i did need the money and tbh even though it was dreadful, i managed to save queit abit so that i can afford this term without working, whilst keeping an active lifestyle (that i rle enjoy, i know you can be active for alot less bt i do it for enjoyment not as some chore to get fit)
- 01-02-2010 03:30
I guess what kept me going was knowing i couldnt carry on living like that, knowing that only i can get sort myself & my life out & that no one else is going to do it for me, knowing my future is at stake, the desire to find something that im passionate about and regaining passion for my course, rather than the constant feeling of "numbness" and indifference to everything.
Apart from what ive already said ive learnt not to generalise people so much, not to be so judgemental, to be a better listener, friend, etc & generallya nicer person to be around. Learnt that the little things really dont matter that much, shoppings nice but its only material, what may be a big deal today will be forgotten next week, to remain positive & act confident even if your crying inside, and just learning about myself