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Parents just told me I'm fat then HAD A GO AT ME for getting upset. watch

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    I think there is a facebook group you can join for this.
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    Parents really can cut right through you can't they? Not nice at all...
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    If you're going to be fat you could at least have the decency to be jolly.


    JOKES

    In truth OP you sound like you're a healthy weight, I think your mum is over reacting.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sums it up perfectly, thankyou.
    No problem. Don't let your parents bring you down.
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    Sorry about this, but I'm going to have to go against the general grain of this thread.

    You should be happy that you have parents that care. Compare this to similar situations - if they caught you smoking or doing other drugs, if you slacked off in school, would you be happy if they ignored it? I know you don't think so, but getting overweight is very similar to this in that you are damaging your body/life for short-term pleasure. Parents that care are a blessing, and you should be very happy to discuss this issue with them.

    Now, it may be that you aren't that overweight - I can't judge this and neither can anyone else who hasn't seen you. BMI is unreliable for so many reasons, you could be either perfectly healthy or quite overweight with a BMI of 22. However, if your parents, who presumably love you enough to gloss over minor imperfections, are noticing enough of a change to warrant making you upset, and if you are eating two cupcakes before going to bed despite admitting that you want to lose weight - then my general impression will be that you are in need of doing more exercise and cleaning up your diet.

    Do not take it out on your parents. Try to work it out with them, not against them.
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please.

    I just went down to breakfast, and I put the first bite into my mouth, and my mum goes:

    'Did you eat two cupcakes before you wet to bed last night?' (she'd baked a batch and counted how many there were)

    I was like 'er yes...'

    Then she goes 'You've gotton fat, you really shouldnt eat like that.'
    Silence. My dad just looks at me nonplussed, then my lovely little sister stares incredulously at them and pipes up 'Thats not very nice!'

    Immediately my dad goes 'WHY? Why isn't it very nice, don't be like those stupid people who get offended, there's nothing wrong with saying it'

    My mum, knowing I'm getting upset, just carries on, going, you've gotton larger, you just eat and you're lazy etc etc. and then MAKING EXCUSES for herself while she says it, saying she's not to blame or anything, she's only being truthful.

    So anyway then my parents launch into a 'we're allowed to insult you bcause we're your parents' mantra, and my dad doesnt see any problem either, and says, 'its the same as us telling you to work hard at school, or stop biting your nails.'

    I havent said anything yet, I'm just staring at them and then I'm like, 'NO it's not the bloody same at all, and on top of that, my size is none of your business'

    Then my dad gets really angry and says 'I'LL tell you whether it's the same or not, don't you tell me otherwise'

    So the tears erupt and I storm upstairs Thig is, they know I'm really sensitive about this issue, and in truth, I've been making an effort to lose weight quietly for some time, it's something I've wanted to do for myself for ages. I just really hate anyone else getting involved, and the slightest comment really gets to me. I already have really crap self esteem. Plus, a couple of years back, I went through a phase of eating NOTHING, literally, and they know it, and lost a dangerous amount of weight. They know it's a bit of a problem with me, but that doesnt seem to matter. I really hate being exposed emotionally.

    Did I overreact? Do they have the right to say these things, and then defend themselves, with aggression?

    I can hear my mum now screaming about how I'm ungrateful, selfish and stroppy and a 'cow' who has no right to be upset. It just doesn't phase her, and she always makes herself into the victim after she says something hurtful, because, o gosh, I got upset and stormed out, the nerve of me!

    ***Btw I'm 5'7'', and 65kg, used to be 60, 55 at lowest a few years back. That gives me a bmi of 22.

    Thoughts? Comfort? Derision at me?
    I can empathise with you completely as I went through the exact same thing. Although I was much bigger then you, I had a BMI of 25 or thereabouts. I was fat and I knew it but every day all I got off my mum was how I looked like a hippo and ought to lose that weight so people could 'like me'.

    I was a size 12 at my biggest but I looked really fat because I have a naturally small frame. It really didn’t help when family members some fatter than me began telling me how I'd let myself go.
    I ended up losing a lot of the weight. I barely ate anything but it made my mum happy at first. She thought it was healthy to eat 500 calories a day to lose weight.

    I ended up anorexic because of what she and others said to me. At my worst I was eating just 40 calories or so a day, eating less than half an apple a day and loads of water, burning off 250 calories a day. I didn't look great and my parents both worried about me constantly, they still do.

    Now, I eat a lot more than then, I'm thin, still underweight and they worry about what I eat all the time.
    Just let your parents know that by telling you you've gained weight they really aren't helping. Anyway, with a BMI of 22 you're perfectly fine and healthy.

    Have a word with them. Parents shouldn't say nasty things to their children even if they think they're helping. My mum regrets telling me to lose weight, even though I could have done with losing it. Anyone who gains weight can see that they have and don’t need anyone to tell them.

    You don't need to lose weight so just ignore them or let them know how much their comments bothered you.
    • #9
    #9

    You're fine how you are, and your parents should realize this. You should just get your revenge by adding small digs at them. Tell your mum she has loads of wrinkles or something and extrapolate your dads hair line or greyness. . Or discuss that their approach is awfully pathetic and mean. you weigh about ten stone, that's normal. http://www.annecollins.com/weight-lo...ight-women.htm link of like height weight dooby.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by lattywatty)
    I think you should just be ridiculously condescending to them if they mention it again.

    "I'm ever so sorry father, you're right, it's not my decision if it's the same or not. Gosh, I've been so silly."

    I find my parents hate that. Then when they mention how you're acting just become more and more patronising.

    "Honestly mother, father, I've seen the error of my ways. You are always right. I might well go out for a jolly jog tonight. Care to join me?"

    If you've worked in retail you'll have had plenty of experience.


    Lololol great idea. Although they'd have a go at me for speaking to them 'in that tone'. No win with my parents, they're no pushovers, and like to yell and rant a lot at the smallest thing. Might try it anyway reeaally subtly.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Azer)
    Sorry about this, but I'm going to have to go against the general grain of this thread.

    You should be happy that you have parents that care. Compare this to similar situations - if they caught you smoking or doing other drugs, if you slacked off in school, would you be happy if they ignored it? I know you don't think so, but getting overweight is very similar to this in that you are damaging your body/life for short-term pleasure. Parents that care are a blessing, and you should be very happy to discuss this issue with them.

    Now, it may be that you aren't that overweight - I can't judge this and neither can anyone else who hasn't seen you. BMI is unreliable for so many reasons, you could be either perfectly healthy or quite overweight with a BMI of 22. However, if your parents, who presumably love you enough to gloss over minor imperfections, are noticing enough of a change to warrant making you upset, and if you are eating two cupcakes before going to bed despite admitting that you want to lose weight - then my general impression will be that you are in need of doing more exercise and cleaning up your diet.

    Do not take it out on your parents. Try to work it out with them, not against them.

    Hmmn. I see what you're saying about it meaning they care. But, the thing is,
    a) they said it in an uncaring way,
    b) they've shown no regret or even mentioned anything since this morning, in fact after getting angry at me, they seem to be not speaking to me only giving me dissaproving glares like I've done something terrible.
    c) I truly can't remember any time they said anything encouraging or complimentary to me, anything at all, whether academic, talent, personality, or looks. But I can easily remember other times they've said hurtful things 'because they care'.
    All these things indicate the opposite, that they don't give a damn about my feelings. If this is their definition of caring I'd rather they didn't do it at all.

    Also, there are two other things. My parents have been pushing me in certain directions all my life, including a levels, uni course, etc. They tell me they know whats best for me, so I go along with it, but none of these things have made me particularly happy so far. This is just something else they want me to do, and they've gone about telling me in the same way you order a schoolkid to scrape chewing gum of the floor. I hate feeling controlled, and I'm 19, so it irkes me that they feel it's their 'duty' to tell me, like everything else in my life.
    Secondly, I just don't understand what positive impact saying such a thing can have. I just don't. I can see I've gained weight, it's not news to me. Obviously I don't like it, and plan to lose it, but them telling me won't change anything for the better. It's something only I can change, (if they had gone about it by offering help, which they didnt, there's still nothing really they can do) In the same way, if I had the drive, and they'd said nothing at all, I would have lost the weight all the same. I don't want to lose weight anymore than I did before they said it, or any less. If anything I want to not give them the satisfaction of seeing a weight loss, and just stay the same. The only purpose their comment serves is to cut me deep.

    I see where you're coming from though, had they been different parents :rolleyes:
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    Wow, they seem to be overreacting!

    Ten stone is a perfectly normal weight for a girl of your height.

    I hate when parents get so angry when you contradict them, even when you're telling the truth.
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    ******* annoying middle-class control-freakery, eh? :rolleyes: Doesn't sound like a particularly functional household (not that mine is, of course) -- just look forward to moving out, that's all you can do.

    :hugs:
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    It hurts, but it's just like they want the best for you, blah, blah, blah.

    Every time I come home from uni I know within an hour whether I gained or lost weight that term, cos my Mum comments on it. And if I gained weight, there are no cookies or cakes on the next week's supermarket shop

    Next time you catch your mum eating a cupcake, it's revenge time
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    (Original post by Azer)
    Sorry about this, but I'm going to have to go against the general grain of this thread.

    You should be happy that you have parents that care. Compare this to similar situations - if they caught you smoking or doing other drugs, if you slacked off in school, would you be happy if they ignored it? I know you don't think so, but getting overweight is very similar to this in that you are damaging your body/life for short-term pleasure. Parents that care are a blessing, and you should be very happy to discuss this issue with them.

    Now, it may be that you aren't that overweight - I can't judge this and neither can anyone else who hasn't seen you. BMI is unreliable for so many reasons, you could be either perfectly healthy or quite overweight with a BMI of 22. However, if your parents, who presumably love you enough to gloss over minor imperfections, are noticing enough of a change to warrant making you upset, and if you are eating two cupcakes before going to bed despite admitting that you want to lose weight - then my general impression will be that you are in need of doing more exercise and cleaning up your diet.

    Do not take it out on your parents. Try to work it out with them, not against them.
    So parents are, ex officio, omniscient and infinitely benevolent?

    One cannot deduce from the specific to the general here (e.g. my parents care about my welfare, are able to judge accurately my problems and often have solutions thereto, so offer advice accordingly -- therefore parents generally do such), which is what you seem to be doing. Yes, authority can give structure (as I'm sure you're well aware, being a soldier), but never to question such authority can only be a recipe for disaster in such an imperfect world as ours.
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    lose some weight then
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    My parents told me I put on wait after moving back from uni for a gap year which really upset me.
    But since being home i've managed to lose it again and go back to my normal weight which I was before uni and saying oo that's better and stuff back to you normal self. :rolleyes:
    Parents are weird at times.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    LOL. I know that, but it's still stupid nonetheless - especially when they get annoyed and say I'm wasting it. Doesn't make someone a fat pleb. Also, "wheel power"?



    Ah OK, well at least you're getting something out of it I guess.
    Chill your beans I wasn't being truthful when I said you were a fat pleb. Just stop eating diee
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    Well they had a point but they didn't go about it in the best way

    You weigh nearly the same as me though, and I'm a boy (I'm assuming you're female) and 3 inches taller than you
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    LOL wtf did I just read?! :facepalm2:

    I have one thing for you:

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    (Original post by Paul Bartram)
    Try excercising - get your parents involved in what you do. Get them to join the gym with you or something.
    Her parents are dicks; even if she had a BMI of 30 they shouldn't have spoken to her like that. I'd lose all respect from them for quite a while and would not involve them if I joined the gym ect.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thing is, I reallty elieve that they'd rather I was thin, and had some kind of eating disorder (very restricted calorie intake type, not the vomity type), than I be fat.

    I eat really really healthily at meal times, and not too much, and I eat fruit. HOWEVER I'm not deluded about the fact that I eat too many snacks, and unhealthy snacks. So although recently I've been eating too much junky snacks, I still get nutrition from the healthy habits I've had all my life. So basically I'm healthier than when I ate nothing at all and became anaemic due to iron deficiency.

    But they're so wrapped up in looks and superficiality, and other people's perceptions to them. My mum said, 'I want to be able to be PROUD of you when people see you, proud that you're my daughter. You're good looking, but you're ruining it by getting fat'

    I just hate the idea that I'll somehow be worth more, or she'll APPROVE of me more if I'm slimmer, like I'm a showpiece or something, not a human with feelings and er, talents to show off instead.

    And yes, she's the type of person who scoffs openly at the hippo mums waddling through morrisons.
    Well, you are both in the right. Your parents, although having every right to criticise you more than anyone, delivered their opinions in a childish, divisive and ultimately destructive manner. Tell them next time they want to encourage you or point something out, do it in an adult-like manner - a home isn't a school playground. They're your parents and ultimately they should be your support shoulder, and destroying your self-esteem doesn't help the situation or your relationship with them.
 
 
 
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