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Parents just told me I'm fat then HAD A GO AT ME for getting upset. watch

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    (Original post by Planto)
    Actually, it is the same. The only conceivable difference is the social stigma around being fat, which is irrelevant. Ultimately, being overweight means you are unhealthy, so if they're trying to get you to lose weight then they're just looking out for your health.
    Fair enough if she was actually fat. But she is not.
    And it is especially cruel of her parent's as she has had problems with eating disorders in the past. Its very horrible of them to act like that.

    (Original post by CocoPop)
    While they might sound horrible, they're your parents and what they say is only to help you. Ask yourself, are they trying to insult you? Probably not. Then why are they telling you that you should lose weight.

    My parents have told me that I've been getting lazy and have developed a bit of a paunch recently, and I totally agree. It's for my own benefit that they tell me I need to exercise. With school work and whatnot I've lost out on some activity and need get healthy again.

    Sure, being told you're fat isn't nice, but when it's coming from your parent's it isn't an insult. Suck it up and listen to what they're saying, as harshly and rudely as it's being said. You yourself said that you need to do exercise, so what they are saying seems fairly valid.
    But she is not overweight.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete please.

    I just went down to breakfast, and I put the first bite into my mouth, and my mum goes:

    'Did you eat two cupcakes before you wet to bed last night?' (she'd baked a batch and counted how many there were)

    I was like 'er yes...'

    Then she goes 'You've gotton fat, you really shouldnt eat like that.'
    Silence. My dad just looks at me nonplussed, then my lovely little sister stares incredulously at them and pipes up 'Thats not very nice!'

    Immediately my dad goes 'WHY? Why isn't it very nice, don't be like those stupid people who get offended, there's nothing wrong with saying it'

    My mum, knowing I'm getting upset, just carries on, going, you've gotton larger, you just eat and you're lazy etc etc. and then MAKING EXCUSES for herself while she says it, saying she's not to blame or anything, she's only being truthful.

    So anyway then my parents launch into a 'we're allowed to insult you bcause we're your parents' mantra, and my dad doesnt see any problem either, and says, 'its the same as us telling you to work hard at school, or stop biting your nails.'

    I havent said anything yet, I'm just staring at them and then I'm like, 'NO it's not the bloody same at all, and on top of that, my size is none of your business'

    Then my dad gets really angry and says 'I'LL tell you whether it's the same or not, don't you tell me otherwise'

    So the tears erupt and I storm upstairs Thig is, they know I'm really sensitive about this issue, and in truth, I've been making an effort to lose weight quietly for some time, it's something I've wanted to do for myself for ages. I just really hate anyone else getting involved, and the slightest comment really gets to me. I already have really crap self esteem. Plus, a couple of years back, I went through a phase of eating NOTHING, literally, and they know it, and lost a dangerous amount of weight. They know it's a bit of a problem with me, but that doesnt seem to matter. I really hate being exposed emotionally.

    Did I overreact? Do they have the right to say these things, and then defend themselves, with aggression?

    I can hear my mum now screaming about how I'm ungrateful, selfish and stroppy and a 'cow' who has no right to be upset. It just doesn't phase her, and she always makes herself into the victim after she says something hurtful, because, o gosh, I got upset and stormed out, the nerve of me!

    ***Btw I'm 5'7'', and 65kg, used to be 60, 55 at lowest a few years back. That gives me a bmi of 22.

    Thoughts? Comfort? Derision at me?
    If you are overweight, you are overweight and it's a fact of the world that anyone can say regardless of whether you like it or not.
    They are not insulting you by saying you have become fat. It sounds like you have become fat, and maybe yotu are lazy. These are words with a negative context, but unlike say, calling someone a prick, they aren't opinions.
    And you are carrying about at least a stone too much for your height. If you didn't like what your parents said, eat less and do exercise.
    The truth can hurt but if it's the truth you have to deal with it instead of wailing about being told it.
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    (Original post by Shadowplay)
    They just sound like nasty parents. I have relatives like that, my grannies ALWAYS comment on my weight. If I've gained a few pounds they're like "What did you do that you're so fat?!" and if I lose a few they're like "You're sooo skinny, too skinny, here, eat some biscuits." My mum's started acting like that as well.

    And then when I act insulted (which I am) it never helps or changes things. Some people just think that if they're a relative they're ALLOWED to comment a perfectly healthy weight, although a maybe a bit over/underweight. Some people just don't understand that they can be hurtful.

    If I were you I'd buy some of my own (healthish) food and eat it in my room and/or eat out, then they'd think you're anorexic and they'd get some of their own medicine.

    And why is she baking cupcakes if she doesn't want you to eat them? Two cupcakes aren't that much, it's not like you ate all of them!
    My parents are like that... before I was a lot bigger than I am now but I used to run and do martial arts and was a lot stronger I think than I am now. And I got told I was obese (which to be fair my BMI said I was but at the same told got told off for doing martial arts lol). Then I started losing weight (just by myself not making a thing out of it, or telling anyone I was trying to lose weight). And they noticed and 'losing weight' became a "bad" thing?! Now I get told I'm too skinny, I'm anorexic and don't eat. All three of which are rubbish.

    If there is a problem though, there is a way to talk about it in a constructive way.

    Parents gotta love 'em. Just do what you think it right for you, you are old enough and eventually your parents will realise that you were right.
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    you've made an effort and you ate 2 cup cakes just before you went to bed? not really an effort is it now. I actually think most women have issues with food especially chocolate....they seem to enjoy it too much..well basically food that are fattening.

    My mum tells me if I'm putting on fat...but I already know this and she knows I won't be offended...likewise I tell her if she's put on fat.
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    BMI is a load of ********....if you're trying to lose fat already you obviously think you're too fat...likewise your parents think you're fat...so you probably are fat.

    Instead of complaining about your parents..why not eat healthily and exercise more...then you won't have these issues.
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    My parents told me I was getting fat a few years ago. It hurts to hear that from someone who is supposed to love you but it turns out it was for my own good. I couldn't stop snacking and I wasn't doing anything active so I put on weight, I didn't realise it until I saw some photos that my mum had taken on a trip out with the family. I had let myself go and had actually begun to carry too much weight. Parents are usually right and they're probably only telling you in harsh ways to get you do to something about it. I'm not saying you are fat, just that your parents probably want what's best for you and want you to be healthy.

    If you're having trouble controlling snacking, I would suggest replacing junk snacks for cereal bars or fruit, I did and now I can easily go without eating in between meals.
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    (Original post by Pheonixx)
    Her parents are dicks; even if she had a BMI of 30 they shouldn't have spoken to her like that. I'd lose all respect from them for quite a while and would not involve them if I joined the gym ect.

    This is kind of what I've done. I've just been blanking them and being cold when they do speak to me. No way am I going to admit to them I've been and will be trying to lose weight, or get them involved in any way. Not until they show some kind of remorse at least.



    Yesterday all day, they mainly ignored me. My mum does that thing where she mumbles things but loud enough so you can hear her a floor up. I't was mostly about how sulky and self centred and how I have no respect for them (??!). I actually felt so depressed last night. Not only did they tell me I was fat, they had carried on being vicious and blameful all day, I have no friends here (just moved across the country) and I'm on a gap year. Obviously those are seperate issues I'm dealing with, but altogether like that it really got me down. The're the only people I have right now. Before he went to bed, my dad told me not to sleep in and help my mum wih house stuff, and 'treat her nicely'. I wanted to smash something.


    At least I only ate 800 calories yesterday.
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    (Original post by Mazty)
    If you are overweight, you are overweight and it's a fact of the world that anyone can say regardless of whether you like it or not.
    They are not insulting you by saying you have become fat. It sounds like you have become fat, and maybe yotu are lazy. These are words with a negative context, but unlike say, calling someone a prick, they aren't opinions.
    And you are carrying about at least a stone too much for your height. If you didn't like what your parents said, eat less and do exercise.
    The truth can hurt but if it's the truth you have to deal with it instead of wailing about being told it.

    How did you work that out?:confused: I can safely say when I was 55 kg I looked like a broomstick, and my mum herself told me to gain weight :rolleyes: That didn't hurt because there's nothing embarrasing about being too thin, but a huge negative connotation about having gained weight - it indicates greed, laziness, inability to control eating, all sorts of things.

    It might be just a fact, but sometimes it is better not to go round telling people 'facts' about their appearance, because people get hurt, and it won't solve anything. I could tell my mother she's aged a lot the last couple of years, or my dad that he's going grey (both facts) but I wouldn't dream of it. Someone at work told my dad, who's trying to get a promotion, that he shouldn't bother because he's getting past it anyway now, and my dad was stumped for days. Really low about it. My mum was upset for him, and kept having a go at the guy (not to his face). It's a fact though, isn't it?

    I know there's nothing you can do about ageing, and something you can do about weight gain but a)I'm only fat by their standards (and mine), not most people's, so really they didn't need to say anything. b) The KNOW I'm sensitive about the issue. A randomer in the street doesn't so I would have forgiven him, but my parents know I've had issues with my weight, and I'm my own worst critic. C) whether reversible or not, it still hurt to hear it, and they maybe could have been gentler about it, or at least not carried on making me more miserable. They were'nt on my side, being supportive they were attacking from the other side, because apparently I was rude for telling them not to get involved.

    You carry on living your life telling people 'the facts' and you'll get a lot of people disliking you.
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    you must be a troll 800 calories is a pathetic amount to eat...you seriously need to get a grip. You do know there is such a thing as eating healthily and exercising....not just starving yourself and then comfort eating. Like I said before you've clearly got food issues.
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    (Original post by Hugh-Jackman)
    you must be a troll 800 calories is a pathetic amount to eat...you seriously need to get a grip. You do know there is such a thing as eating healthily and exercising....not just starving yourself and then comfort eating. Like I said before you've clearly got food issues.
    Actually no. I've lost weight before, and this time around too, I was sticking to 1300-1400 calories a day, which is what I plan to carry on with. YEARS ago, I starved myself, but I was younger and I have no desire to do it again. I was upset yesterday, so I had no appetite, if you've never had that before than lucky you. I've just moved area and I was looking for sports centres last night, and I have a plan to join some classes. So lay off, I'm not a troll.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Actually no. I've lost weight before, and this time around too, I was sticking to 1300-1400 calories a day, which is what I plan to carry on with. YEARS ago, I starved myself, but I was younger and I have no desire to do it again. I was upset yesterday, so I had no appetite, if you've never had that before than lucky you. I've just moved area and I was looking for sports centres last night, and I have a plan to join some classes. So lay off, I'm not a troll.
    I've never lost my appetite ever.....I'm pretty sure you will be over the moon to hear that!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Actually no. I've lost weight before, and this time around too, I was sticking to 1300-1400 calories a day, which is what I plan to carry on with. YEARS ago, I starved myself, but I was younger and I have no desire to do it again. I was upset yesterday, so I had no appetite, if you've never had that before than lucky you. I've just moved area and I was looking for sports centres last night, and I have a plan to join some classes. So lay off, I'm not a troll.

    To be honest, 1300-1400 cals sounds a little low - especially if you're going to start working out.

    Are you registered with a GP? I think some professional advice about your weight would not go amiss...you've had an eating disorder in the past so it's not unreasonable that if people are telling you that you're fat you'd seek some advice.

    BMI is not a great indicator by any means, but you're not even approaching overweight (by that measure) if the numbers you gave are accurate! Talk to your GP!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How did you work that out?:confused: I can safely say when I was 55 kg I looked like a broomstick, and my mum herself told me to gain weight :rolleyes: That didn't hurt because there's nothing embarrasing about being too thin, but a huge negative connotation about having gained weight - it indicates greed, laziness, inability to control eating, all sorts of things.

    It might be just a fact, but sometimes it is better not to go round telling people 'facts' about their appearance, because people get hurt, and it won't solve anything. I could tell my mother she's aged a lot the last couple of years, or my dad that he's going grey (both facts) but I wouldn't dream of it. Someone at work told my dad, who's trying to get a promotion, that he shouldn't bother because he's getting past it anyway now, and my dad was stumped for days. Really low about it. My mum was upset for him, and kept having a go at the guy (not to his face). It's a fact though, isn't it?

    I know there's nothing you can do about ageing, and something you can do about weight gain but a)I'm only fat by their standards (and mine), not most people's, so really they didn't need to say anything. b) The KNOW I'm sensitive about the issue. A randomer in the street doesn't so I would have forgiven him, but my parents know I've had issues with my weight, and I'm my own worst critic. C) whether reversible or not, it still hurt to hear it, and they maybe could have been gentler about it, or at least not carried on making me more miserable. They were'nt on my side, being supportive they were attacking from the other side, because apparently I was rude for telling them not to get involved.

    You carry on living your life telling people 'the facts' and you'll get a lot of people disliking you.
    I'm a guy who is 6ft + and I know that at 5"7 you are going to have a fair to large amount of chub at a weight of 10 stone.
    Granted there are negative connotations to gaining weight such as gluttony etc BUT if you want to change, then that stigma doesn't have to stick with you, which certainly is a good thing.
    Unfortunately it does sound like they were pretty brutal in what they said & if someone is gaining weight it's a topic that should be treated with concern rather than aggression. Though again it's a comment on society that people can't say truths without someone saying reword it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the important part is how to deal with knowing it rather than getting pissy at being told it as most people know these truths.
    Most people ignore obesity because they themselves are obese. More importantly though if you think you are overweight, then you should do something about it, because that's going to get you down as there is nothing good about being overweight.
    And I do tell people these facts. It's only really people in the UK that are in denial about these things. Almost everyone who is obese knows it, but are too insecure to deal with it. If there is something you don't like about yourself, either accept it, or change it. Granted your folks should have been less aggressive, but you should have gone "Yeah I know, it really sucks, I want to do something about it" which sounds in your case to be true, rather than the angsty response of "Don't get involved, it's my body".
    Either way if you do want to loose weight, good luck, you'll feel much better physically and emotionally.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can hear my mum now screaming about how I'm ungrateful, selfish and stroppy and a 'cow' who has no right to be upset. It just doesn't phase her, and she always makes herself into the victim after she says something hurtful, because, o gosh, I got upset and stormed out, the nerve of me!
    Awww story of my life. Some mums are just crap and enjoy upsetting their daughters.
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    (Original post by ijustlovetolearn)
    Awww story of my life. Some mums are just crap and enjoy upsetting their daughters.
    Do I sense sarcasm...?
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    (Original post by Mazty)
    I'm a guy who is 6ft + and I know that at 5"7 you are going to have a fair to large amount of chub at a weight of 10 stone.
    Granted there are negative connotations to gaining weight such as gluttony etc BUT if you want to change, then that stigma doesn't have to stick with you, which certainly is a good thing.
    Unfortunately it does sound like they were pretty brutal in what they said & if someone is gaining weight it's a topic that should be treated with concern rather than aggression. Though again it's a comment on society that people can't say truths without someone saying reword it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the important part is how to deal with knowing it rather than getting pissy at being told it as most people know these truths.
    Most people ignore obesity because they themselves are obese. More importantly though if you think you are overweight, then you should do something about it, because that's going to get you down as there is nothing good about being overweight.
    And I do tell people these facts. It's only really people in the UK that are in denial about these things. Almost everyone who is obese knows it, but are too insecure to deal with it. If there is something you don't like about yourself, either accept it, or change it. Granted your folks should have been less aggressive, but you should have gone "Yeah I know, it really sucks, I want to do something about it" which sounds in your case to be true, rather than the angsty response of "Don't get involved, it's my body".
    Either way if you do want to loose weight, good luck, you'll feel much better physically and emotionally.
    You're such an arse, didn't she say that her BMI was 22? That's not even overweight!

    Ignore him, OP.
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    (Original post by MrHappy_J)
    You're such an arse, didn't she say that her BMI was 22? That's not even overweight!

    Ignore him, OP.
    And you are a hypocrite. Why don't you say all Christians are idiots again? Pretty sure that makes you the arse, not me. She is unhappy with her weight, or are you unable to read that mr. troll?
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    (Original post by MrHappy_J)
    Do I sense sarcasm...?
    No? I don't think so.. my mum used to call me fat and ugly even though i'm not. I think she realised it wasn't helping and now tells me how pretty her friends say I am. Bizarre!
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    (Original post by Mazty)
    I'm a guy who is 6ft + and I know that at 5"7 you are going to have a fair to large amount of chub at a weight of 10 stone.
    Granted there are negative connotations to gaining weight such as gluttony etc BUT if you want to change, then that stigma doesn't have to stick with you, which certainly is a good thing.
    Unfortunately it does sound like they were pretty brutal in what they said & if someone is gaining weight it's a topic that should be treated with concern rather than aggression. Though again it's a comment on society that people can't say truths without someone saying reword it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the important part is how to deal with knowing it rather than getting pissy at being told it as most people know these truths.
    Most people ignore obesity because they themselves are obese. More importantly though if you think you are overweight, then you should do something about it, because that's going to get you down as there is nothing good about being overweight.
    And I do tell people these facts. It's only really people in the UK that are in denial about these things. Almost everyone who is obese knows it, but are too insecure to deal with it. If there is something you don't like about yourself, either accept it, or change it. Granted your folks should have been less aggressive, but you should have gone "Yeah I know, it really sucks, I want to do something about it" which sounds in your case to be true, rather than the angsty response of "Don't get involved, it's my body".
    Either way if you do want to loose weight, good luck, you'll feel much better physically and emotionally.

    Cripes I actually agree with you.

    :eek:

    Everything you've said is true, it's a fault of my own not theirs that I reacted so sensitively. The thing about the Uk is true, half my family are mediterranian, and although I see them every year or so and I now remember how family/friends openly tell each other they've gotten fatter there. Everytime they see each other after a long while, it's the first thing they feel it's their duty to comment on, like the weather or something. Or someone in the street, or a neighbour, no one thinks its offensive to state it 'oh she's a bit hefty' etc., because everyone does it and they're used to it. Even a small belly or a slightly large bum is commented on, and regarded as something that should be fixed, like a rash or something. It comes, people see it and say it, the person usually gets rid of it. If they like their food too much and aren't interested in losing weight, they'll stay fat, but they'll admit it openly and joke about it and I've never seen anyone get offended by it.

    I guess I'm not like them because I've grown up here. We are an insecure soceity :sad:

    Aaaand, although at the time I was reeling, I can't deny this has given me the kick up the bum to do something about it. I obviously wasn't making much of an effort to lose weight because I was eating two cupcakes (and a lot else), and i knew it. I've been good for two days (1600 cals today after yesterdays rubbish 800) hopefully it'll carry on because I'll remember the incident. Still can't deny I get a twinge of anger and embarrassment when I remember it. But although they haven't mentioned it or said sorry, they're being nice, and my mum randomly hugged and kissed me today so I think that was her way of showing remorse, or showing she feels bad.

    Anyway, thanks :o:
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    WAA, CRY MORE OP. OR MAYBE STOP BEING A SELF-DELUDING BABY AND GROW UP

    Your parents are right. Bottom line. 67kg is nowhere near a healthy weight for a girl at 5'6", regardless of "BMI" or whatever the limpwristed pussies of TSR try and tell you.

    As for all of you little girls posting things like "OMG!! AWWW!! YOUR PARENTS SOUND LIKE PSYCHOS!!", where in the hell are you people from? What over-sheltered little fairy princess castle do you hail from? You're like some disgusting emo Brady Bunch stereotypes. Grow some spines and get a sense of perspective. My God, you people are sickening.

    Here's how it is OP, whether you like it or not. There are two ways this works. Either your parents tell you to your face when you're dropping the ball and displaying weakness, and you better yourself from it - or you delude yourself that you have no problem and that they (the people who brought you into this goddamn world) "have no right *sob*" to tell you that you're out of shape - and then you wander out into society where every spineless pussy you meet will tell you to your face that your weight is perfect, and then gossip behind your back about how fat you are.

    AND HERE'S THE DIRTY LITTLE TRUTH OP. A GIRL WHO IS TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT DOES NOT EAT MOTHER ******* CUPCAKES BEFORE BED. NOT EVEN AS A CHEAT MEAL.

    Step away from your self-delusion that wishing you were thinner and running once every whenever-the-hell the urge takes you is you "trying to lose weight". It's not. Get on a proper structured diet / exercise program and stop crying on the internet that your daddy doesn't respect your god-given right to stuff your face.

    And step right away from all that "maybe I'll get anorexia!! That'll show them!!" crap. How about you stop being a drama queen instead, would that be agreeable to you?
 
 
 
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