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    (Original post by DiamondsAreForever)
    Thanks Umm.. I'm not entirely sure just how much his parents know. I know they know he does it, but just how much he does it, im not too sure. It could be an idea that I talk to his mum as she is lovely, but then she would want to talk to him about it, and he would know it was me. I suppose it's all for his good in the long run, whether it means we are together or not..
    Yes I thought the same thing - he may get really angry that you are sort of "going behind his back" and talking to his family but it's for his own good like you said. You seem like a nice person and you deserve to be with someone that cares about you - if that's your current boyfriend I don't know and I guess you can't either unless you do leave him and find someone else. I don't know what you will do and I hope it is the right decision with whatever you choose.

    The best thing you could do is actually properly try help him, through his mum or whatever, and even if you aren't together I think you should feel great about yourself in that you helped him get over his addiction or lessen it. It takes a very strong person to accept that maybe it won't work out but you will still try help for his own good - no one knows the meaning of "love" but surely that must be one aspect of it.
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    (Original post by kai4321)
    Have you tried actually talking to his family? I realise it's a billion times easier for me to give you advice like it's all easy and viable to do but it might be an option? Tell them what you've told him - that you really like him but you think the weed is affecting the relationship and that maybe they can be more supportive of you so that in turn they will be more supportive of him?
    I would be a bit worried about how the boyfriend will feel on finding out that the OP has been talking to his family about it behind his back, even if it's with the best of intentions. It seems he's already sensitive about the subject, so I can't see him reacting well to that. Apparently they already know, and besides, he has to take some personal responsibility in all this - they can talk to him about it (and probably already have), but they can't make him stop.
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    (Original post by DiamondsAreForever)
    I am trying to help him, I've offered to go to support groups with him , I've offered that he can come stay with me at Uni for longer if it means he will be away from it... but it's hard for me to support him when his family, brothers , friends all let him get on with it.
    How can they be so foolish?
    To be honest I really feel bad for you. The situation seems to be hopeless... I can't tell you what to do, of course, but if I were you I wouldn't leave him. You've been together two years and it's unfair to leave him now because he has no one else he can rely on. I know you've done a lot for him already, but maybe you shouldn't offer him things, just be more decisive.
    But all in all, if things will remain the same - it's sad to say - but you should leave him. I realise how destructive this situation is.
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    (Original post by Aelred)
    I would be a bit worried about how the boyfriend will feel on finding out that the OP has been talking to his family about it behind his back, even if it's with the best of intentions. It seems he's already sensitive about the subject, so I can't see him reacting well to that. Apparently they already know, and besides, he has to take some personal responsibility in all this - they can talk to him about it (and probably already have), but they can't make him stop.
    Yes, I agree with you. At the end of the day he is the only one who can stop himself. However, with that said, a lot of support is going to be better than none. I think if he's a half-decent guy he will understand that his family and girlfriend all want him to quit because of what it's turned him into and if he doesn't then he has chosen a path that's probably gonna lead to a crappy life.

    Talking to his parents may not be the best idea but she needs to make them understand how he is now and that he does need help. Not too much pressure needs to be applied else he will just lash out and get really angry but, even if he does, at some point he should realise they are all doing it out of love because they CARE about him. Many people don't have anyone to even give a **** about them and if he doesn't understand the importance of family and girlfriend then he isn't worth the time.
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    (Original post by Butterflyleg)
    How can they be so foolish?
    To be honest I really feel bad for you. The situation seems to be hopeless... I can't tell you what to do, of course, but if I were you I wouldn't leave him. You've been together two years and it's unfair to leave him now because he has no one else he can rely on. I know you've done a lot for him already, but maybe you shouldn't offer him things, just be more decisive.
    But all in all, if things will remain the same - it's sad to say - but you should leave him. I realise how destructive this situation is.
    Thankyou I think they sort of almost expect it to be a phase. I don't think they understand the culture around it, I mean him and all of his friends have expensive cars which they spend ages doing up, then go driving and smoke, and the worst thing is, is that one of his friends mum actually grows the stuff because she has ME (I think thats the right condition) and she claims it makes her have more energy, and so she lets her son and whoever else smoke it around the house. It's like surrounding him, I can't think of a way to get him away from it all :confused:
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    (Original post by DiamondsAreForever)
    Thankyou I think they sort of almost expect it to be a phase. I don't think they understand the culture around it, I mean him and all of his friends have expensive cars which they spend ages doing up, then go driving and smoke, and the worst thing is, is that one of his friends mum actually grows the stuff because she has ME (I think thats the right condition) and she claims it makes her have more energy, and so she lets her son and whoever else smoke it around the house. It's like surrounding him, I can't think of a way to get him away from it all :confused:
    I really feel for you. Must be really difficult to be in your situation and not many will be able to really know just how much because very few have been in such a situation.

    All we can say here is to talk to him but I'm certain you've done that many times. I think you probably can't directly do anything more than you've done - it's up to him now. It's like you've given him all the tools to do something but it's up to him to pick them up and do it (crap metaphor, I apologize). This will be the only way to prove if he is worth your time though.
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    (Original post by kai4321)
    I really feel for you. Must be really difficult to be in your situation and not many will be able to really know just how much because very few have been in such a situation.

    All we can say here is to talk to him but I'm certain you've done that many times. I think you probably can't directly do anything more than you've done - it's up to him now. It's like you've given him all the tools to do something but it's up to him to pick them up and do it (crap metaphor, I apologize). This will be the only way to prove if he is worth your time though.
    Yeah... I suppose time will tell, I'll have to try to tell his mum sometime before I go back to Uni (which is supposed to be today, sounds more like tomorrow now). It's just so frustrating, it might be easier for him if he had some sort of aim in life, but he works as a waiter, and plans on doing it forever. Maybe if he was to do an apprenticeship or something, but he says he doesn't want to go back to school/college or anything. I feel like I'm digging a very big hole at the moment! I'm finding it quite hard to sympathise with him, as last night I found out my grandad has stage three cancer, and he didn't even reply to my text when I told him about it.
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    (Original post by kai4321)
    I really feel for you. Must be really difficult to be in your situation and not many will be able to really know just how much because very few have been in such a situation.

    All we can say here is to talk to him but I'm certain you've done that many times. I think you probably can't directly do anything more than you've done - it's up to him now. It's like you've given him all the tools to do something but it's up to him to pick them up and do it (crap metaphor, I apologize). This will be the only way to prove if he is worth your time though.
    Exactly.

    If he likes weed more and there's nothing you can do, then it's his loss - you shouldn't waste your time. OP, you seem to be really a nice person, you deserve better and I'm sure eventually you will find someone better
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    (Original post by kai4321)
    Yes, I agree with you. At the end of the day he is the only one who can stop himself. However, with that said, a lot of support is going to be better than none. I think if he's a half-decent guy he will understand that his family and girlfriend all want him to quit because of what it's turned him into and if he doesn't then he has chosen a path that's probably gonna lead to a crappy life.

    Talking to his parents may not be the best idea but she needs to make them understand how he is now and that he does need help. Not too much pressure needs to be applied else he will just lash out and get really angry but, even if he does, at some point he should realise they are all doing it out of love because they CARE about him. Many people don't have anyone to even give a **** about them and if he doesn't understand the importance of family and girlfriend then he isn't worth the time.
    Yes, certainly in ethical terms I can see how this may be helpful in the long run, for the sake of his wellbeing. If the OP does this, I think she may need to be prepared for a bad reaction from her boyfriend; as you say, if he's worth the effort, he'll thank her for it in the long run. I fear he may not do that, but time will tell!
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    Really hope it works out for you guys. Good luck.
 
 
 
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