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Boyfriend 'deciding whether to dump me' because of my stripper past watch

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    (Original post by HDS)


    She would stop because she found a job paying either a similar or better wage or in a sector in which she wanted, alternatively she no longer needed the money provided by stripping and thus decided to do something else.
    As I said before, I didn't lie, just with-held information. Which he didn't probe me about.

    I stopped stripping because I felt it wasn't the industry for me anymore, as I had matured and found a job in an area I was looking for jobs in.

    It paid way less btw, but I viewed the stripper job as dirty by that time and felt it was time to go.

    Thanks to the other posters here for being supportive.
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    To be honest, I think that you've put that in the past and I personally don't think it was wrong to not tell him so soon into the relationship. To say that you're 'no longer good enough for him or his family' is simply out of order.
    From what you've said, it seems that you are aware that perhaps it wasn't the BEST career choice...! It's not like you're out and proud about it, which serves to suggest that you won't go back to it (I hope).

    In my opinion, he isn't good enough for you. Since when did it become the norm to tell a bf/gf of two months every mistake you've ever made?

    I think one day you'll find someone who loves/likes you for you and the whole stripper thing, whilst perhaps alarming at first, will just be seen as a mistake in the past and not a significant part of the person you are now.

    Good luck and good on you for leaving it all behind
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    **** him man, he's looking down on you because you had a job, can't understand why anyone would give a **** their gf was an ex stripper it shows you are liberal and can have a gd time imo.
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    Personally I would use that stripper past to my advantage :awesome:
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    The past is just that, and it should stay where it belongs. You did the right thing by telling him, and I think mentioning it too soon or before he had got to know you properly would have scared him somewhat. I really can't see why it would be a valid reason to break up with you though, assuming you are no longer a stripper and have got a new direction for yourself (which you seem to have done, as have a more 'normal' and 'acceptable' job now.. whatever normal may be), the past should have no bearing on your current relationship, especially since I assume it was all over before you became a couple.
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    (Original post by CookieArun)
    Personally I would use that stripper past to my advantage :awesome:
    Yeah I know how to lapdance
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    dumb him first.
    because what we did in the past belongs to the past, and besides you didn't have to confess it to him, and yet you did - you proved to be honest and trustworthy.
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    (Original post by HDS)
    Not necessarily, she may have found a better job.
    This is easily cleared up. OP, what were your reasons for quitting stripping?


    (Original post by HDS)
    That makes sense from experience and because I know more than enough people who are and have worked in the adult industry. Not everyone is the same, this is true, but OP is nothing special.
    Don't paint everybody with the same brush. It's just narrow minded.


    (Original post by HDS)
    Her indignation to his actions just proves this.
    I agree with you in that she should have been a bit more understanding towards his position. Whether it's right or wrong, it must have been difficult to hear and I can understand needing time to think about it. Just because in theory we should give second chances, he may have his own issues and not be able to handle the situation. But that's a different matter.


    (Original post by HDS)
    Because it was her decision. Why should a rapist have to pay for his crime for the rest of his life? Why should a murderer?

    Different? Yes.
    They serve as good illustrative points, you make a decision and you live with it. A more moderate example would be: Someone who gets a tattoo. Why should they have to live with it for their whole life if they stop liking it? Shouldn't we pay for it's removal?
    Rapists and murderers don't pay for their whole lives in our legal system. Life does not mean life (sentence wise). If you are referring to how society would potentially judge a person for the rest of their lives, this is because rape, murder, paedophilia etc are crimes with victims - someone else is directly affected and has either had their life ended, or will probably have severe emotional problems as a result. The OPs decision to be a stripper was victimless, the only impact it had was on herself.

    I don't follow the argument of your tattoo example. The burden isn't on society to repair the decision of someone who has decided to get a tattoo which they later regret. Similarly the OP isn't putting any kind of a burden on her boyfriend to reverse any permanent damage that has resulted from her stripping. She is simply asking him to be understanding of the fact that it happened. I can't really correlate these two examples because I don't really understand why you have used it. The two are hardly synonymous.


    (Original post by HDS)
    I came very close to doing professional porn but then decided against it (after test shoot that is). That was my decision, I wouldn't lie about it, if someone considered me not good enough for them based on that then that is their decision.
    She didn't lie, she simply kept it from him until she was comfortable enough to tell him. It's not like he found out from a third party and she only came clean after she was caught. Different relationships work in different ways and she clearly felt the need to wait until the time was right for her. It was her mistake and her past. I can't imagine that it was an easy thing to bring up and I actually have a lot of respect for her having done so. It's not necessary to expose everything about yourself straight away, and in some relationships a period of a couple of months doesn't mean very much at all - it depends how fast it moves.


    (Original post by HDS)
    Clearly? How clear is this proof of yours?
    I don't remember what this was referring to, sorry.


    (Original post by HDS)
    The OP is feeling annoyed because of 'how good of a girlfriend she has been' otherwise. That to me says that she hasn't seen any light and can't see why he would be upset. This is ignoring the lies.....Yes, I agree. She doesn't show any remorse, she lied about it, intentionally withheld the information and is upset that he's not totally cool with it and feels that the rest of her actions (skipping work etc) make up for it.
    Like I said above, she should be a bit more understanding towards his position. As I also said above, she hasn't lied.


    (Original post by HDS)
    While we should be given second chances, generally, thats not how life works, and when you make a decision you're forced to live with it. Especially in the adult industry.
    Of course life doesn't work like this if you are surrounded by narrow minded and judgemental people who refuse to take people for who they are now and not what they were in their past. I believe in rehabilitation rather than retribution, so personally I'm all for second chances.
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    I don't think its so much your past as the fact that you lied about it.
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    I wouldn't want to be with a stripper
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    I think YOU should dump him...if he has given an actual time line for when he will decide if he DUMPS you because you're not 'good enough'. Does he think he is so great? OK, so you did some stripping. We all do things we later regret, this is one of them for you. It doesn't make you 'not good' enough, as you are not that person anymore and you trusted him with this information, so he should realise it isn't something you still do etc and you have been honest with him.

    If you had been a prostitute or had cheated on him with someone else, then maybe I could get his point, but stripping alone? It was the past, you no longer do it and now have a more respectable profession. He should be happy he has a presumably fit girlfriend with such a fun past ;-)
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    (Original post by thisisyesterday)
    This is easily cleared up. OP, what were your reasons for quitting stripping?
    Hi hun,

    I was keen to leave the industry weeks before I was able to quit (due to financial reasons, rent and uni stuff mostly), because I saw a world which I decided I didn't want to be a part of anymore.

    All the bad stuff that comes with stripping, e.g. bikies, drug dealers, rapists (1 guy came in who had raped someone one of the dancers knew), people who used to be in jail, hypocritical Muslims etc. I didn't dance for the btw, and my boss was starting to get frustrated with me. I still had morals even tho I was in there!

    I could not wait to get out of the industry. The money I made from it, I paid for a trips to see people I haven't seen in a long time, gifts, and a car to to use at uni which I have now sold. Dirty money :/

    I was soo glad when I finally got a full-time admin job! It was a contract, but I didn't care, foot in the door to a normal life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    All the bad stuff that comes with stripping, e.g. bikies, drug dealers, rapists (1 guy came in who had raped someone one of the dancers knew), people who used to be in jail, hypocritical Muslims etc. I didn't dance for the btw, and my boss was starting to get frustrated with me. I still had morals even tho I was in there!
    Woah. Bit hypocritial don't you think? You wouldn't dance for people because they used to be in jail, but you expect someone to see your past as a mistake and something which you have learnt from? People who have served prison sentences have paid their debt to society and should be allowed to live full and free lives without being judged and punished further. They made mistakes and so did you. You want a second chance, yet you feel they don't deserve one?
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    He has a right to be angry, and if he needs time, let him have his space. However, on the otherside, if it because you are no longer good enough for him, he seems like a snob, and who is to say that this will make for a happy and equal relationship, because you can't change your past, so you never will be good enough for him. You need to seriously think this over and talk to him, because if he can't take this bit of info, do you really want to be trapping one another in this relationship.
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    (Original post by HDS)
    I absolutely love how everyone makes this out to be a first-date type of thing. She has been going out with her boyfriend for several months. She obviously felt comfortable enough to discuss her work doing 'lingerie waitressing' with him.:rolleyes:
    I don't know where you got this "several months" thing from. It says a couple in the OP. I don't think that's a long time to wait before bringing up something like this.
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    Give him some time, it must be a shock to him. Trust that he will make the best decision in light of this. Love can be broken by certain truths.
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    His response also sort of depends on his past...
    Is he a nice boy or is this some quite experienced guy being a muppet... there is a difference?
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    (Original post by thisisyesterday)
    Woah. Bit hypocritial don't you think? You wouldn't dance for people because they used to be in jail, but you expect someone to see your past as a mistake and something which you have learnt from? People who have served prison sentences have paid their debt to society and should be allowed to live full and free lives without being judged and punished further. They made mistakes and so did you. You want a second chance, yet you feel they don't deserve one?
    Ok fair enough, I'm sorry I sounded that way but I'm against violence against women (not for personal reasons, just because I think it's wrong) and that's why one of the guys went to jail.

    But I apologise for sounding like a hypocrit! I should have clarified.

    I'm back on speaking terms with the bf, and sent him some texts just then.
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    (Original post by Philosoraptor)
    His response also sort of depends on his past...
    Is he a nice boy or is this some quite experienced guy being a muppet... there is a difference?
    He's got a past too, and I found out from his friends on nights out when stories about 'past times' were being told. E.g. trips to Amsterdam, getting caught speeding and nearly running someone over etc.

    Make that what you will! But I never minded it was none of my business as it was his past...
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    Wow. What a twunt :indiff:
 
 
 
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