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need advice on breakup watch

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    Anon or delete please

    Hello, yesterday i broke up with my girlfriend on 1 year 9 months today and one side of me is saying it was the right thing to do and the other isnt.

    Right:
    • I feel like ive been falling out of love with her
    • felt under a lot of pressure as we go to the same uni and with housing issues. She wanted to go with me in a flat but I don't think I would be happy with that. So I was finding it difficult to resolve this and make both of us happy.
    • I didn't want to lead her on and have her in a place with friends of mine as I knew she'd be unhappy with that. Also i don't want to lead her on if my feelings are changing.
    • Generally felt that I wouldn't be happy in the future and wanted to live a bit more before living in the same house.

    Bad:
    • Now shes gone I miss talking to her but i don't know if thats the attachment from being together for so long.
    • She was so upset and I feel so evil to make someone feel like that


    just need advice really on what to do, because ive told her once it dies down i still want us to be friends and not loose touch because i still really care for her, im just not sure if I love her, if that makes sense?
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    You're always going to feel bad about dumping someone unless you're a horrible person or they were really horrible to you. Even if they were at fault you'll still feel bad for breaking up because I mean, being with someone for nearly 2 years is a massive time and you learn to adjust with them in your life so when they aren't you're confused and lost.

    You haven't provided too much information on what exactly happened but it seems like you've made your mind up on not trying to get with her again. Did you talk to her properly about it though? I mean, it sort of sounds like you could have still stayed together but not lived together and just told her you want to live your life a bit more before moving in but that it doesn't mean you don't like her. A lot of people in a long-term relationship will feel like they maybe don't like that person and I guess only you really know what the truth is but you're 100% right in that if you were sure you didn't like her any more it would be very bad of you to try lead her on and think you do care.

    In the long-term if you two do remain friends I think she will be grateful that you did leave her instead of stringing her along. I think that's by far the worst thing you could have done.
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    Yeah I hope it was the right thing to do. It's really torn me up though knowing I've ruined someones world for however long
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    (Original post by Andy08)
    Yeah I hope it was the right thing to do. It's really torn me up though knowing I've ruined someones world for however long
    Eventually a 'one-way' relationship is going to hurt the other and upset them... but if you feel it was the right thing to do, then it is.

    Despite having been in a long-term relationship with her, you wouldn't have had to move in with her. You could have suggested living apart and with your own friends... to have some time apart from each other and have some space. You could have encouraged her to live with her own friends.

    However, you did do the right thing You said yourself you were falling out of love with her and didn't string her along. She'll realise that soon enough and with a bit of luck will still be on social terms with you.
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    (Original post by FunLady)
    Despite having been in a long-term relationship with her, you wouldn't have had to move in with her. You could have suggested living apart and with your own friends... to have some time apart from each other and have some space. You could have encouraged her to live with her own friends.
    I did suggest that and she was going to but it turns out those 'friends' aren't really friends so its not really an option. Now she says she's lonely and afraid of going back to uni On top of that I'm finding myself missing spending time with her. Maybe all the pressure got to me? starting to rethink things...
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    (Original post by Andy08)
    Now she says she's lonely and afraid of going back to uni On top of that I'm finding myself missing spending time with her. Maybe all the pressure got to me? starting to rethink things...
    You obviously miss her as a friend... perhaps all the pressure did get to you, but you can't help who you fall in and out of love with.

    Be there for her as a friend, she needs someone to talk to and spend some social time with if her friends aren't really 'friends'.
 
 
 
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