difficulties with 'I love you' Watch

Anonymous #1
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So I've been with my boyfriend officially for just over 6 months, we've known and liked each other for over a year. Everything's great except we're having some problems with the 'three words'. We've never properly said 'I love you', he said it a couple of times when he was drunk and always brings up the issue if he's wasted. However when I've tried to talk about it when we're sober he says he's not ready or just makes it clear he doesn't want to say it- but then he'll bring it up again next time he's drunk and try and (nonsensically) talk about it. The other day he was drunk and said something like 'you know I hate the word love but my brother loves you'- well, if he hates the word love why does he keep saying it when he's drunk? He's always the one to bring it up, not me. I think he knows I'm really into him, and I've made it clear that if he says it to me when I'm sober I'll say it back.

I kinda feel like he's messing me around and it's really annoying. I know that words aren't what matter so much as actions, but if it's the case that he does believe in love but just doesn't love me then that's a real issue for me, and if he doesn't love me yet I don't think he ever will. On the other hand, it might just be that he hates the phrase I love you and doesn't want to say it to anyone ever (in which case why does he bring it up when he's drunk?) and if that's the case I'm fine with that, if not a little disappointed. It's difficult to talk to him about it since we're in a long distance relationship and I'd rather not do it on the phone. Can anyone translate his behaviour for me?

btw apart from this issue we have a great relationship and I know he wants to be with me
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JohnnytheFox
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#2
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Who cares?

Why are you making such a big issue out of something so unimportant?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JohnnytheFox)
Who cares?

Why are you making such a big issue out of something so unimportant?
If you don't care you don't have to reply. Obviously if my boyfriend isn't that into me I'm going to care.
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Faith01
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There are also people with difficulties saying 'Thank you'
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spacepirate-James
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It's just 3 words? Love or relationships isn't dictated by three syllables? Honestly, it doesn't matter.

Some people just can't say it cause it's so cliche and boring? Yet you know what "alcohol" does? Destroys all these inhibitions/fears.... And frankly, anything that comes out a drunk man's mouth should not be taken too seriously.
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BelieveInMagic
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well maybe he's not wanting to rush into it. A guy said i love you to me before we were even properly going out and it scared me of tbh!!
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Butterflyleg
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OP, I think you just exaggerate things.
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danni_bella
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you don't care you don't have to reply. Obviously if my boyfriend isn't that into me I'm going to care.
Yeah actually I agree with you. Johnnythefox doesn't seem to understand somehow...

The OP should care, it's her boyfriend. Um this is a hard one. Why not subtly say you love him on Valentines Day? Like write 'I Luv U' on a card or something, hehe. Good excuse if any! x
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morg
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(Original post by spacepirate-James)

Some people just can't say it cause it's so cliche and boring?
this is usually the main problem
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Woody.
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I think it's good that he hasn't said it. Clearly he feels the relationship means a lot and he'll say it when he's ready to say it. Good for him. You'll know when he does say it, he really does genuinely mean it.
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mel0n
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you don't care you don't have to reply. Obviously if my boyfriend isn't that into me I'm going to care.
LOL. He won't tell you he loves you therefore he's not into you? :facepalm:
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TheLobsterQuadrille
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Please give him time. I'm sure you'd prefer him to say it when he is ready, than say it now just to please you when he might not mean it.

I'm sure he does love you, he just has to realise it himself first. :yep:
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Ilora-Danon
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He's conflicted obviously. He clearly adores you, but isn't ready to say it. Some people struggle with those 3 words.

I can't stand all the blokes in here saying 'wtf it doesn't matter' because it shows how you know diddly-squat about women. It DOES matter to most women and it SHOULD matter to men.

Being able to express your feelings is SO important in a relationship. It is a big deal and should be treated with a high level of importance. You can't force him to say it, but you probably can take it from his drunken rants that he does love you, but it's too much of a pussy to say it when he's sober.
Give him time.
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RightSaidJames
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Ignore his drunken ramblings and just listen to his sober self - he's not ready to say it yet, end of story.

Although to be honest I think it's kind of weird to discuss at length whether or not you're going to say three words; you should just know when it's right.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mel0n)
LOL. He won't tell you he loves you therefore he's not into you? :facepalm:
If I thought it was as simple as that I wouldn't have made this thread.
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mel0n
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If I thought it was as simple as that I wouldn't have made this thread.
Well there's ways of expressing yourself without saying the three words, and just because he hasn't said them doesn't mean he's not into you. Maybe he just wants to wait for the right time to say it.. when sober, of course.

Spoiler:
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You initially quoted me without going anonymous didn't you? :ninja:
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Anonymous #2
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Am I the only one thinking that the OP isn't exaggerating? :confused:
I don't know what to say, it's not like you can make him say it as it has to come from him.
Maybe he thinks it's too early (even though I would have thought after a few months most couples would have decided if they were in love or not).
Good luck
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RightSaidJames)
Ignore his drunken ramblings and just listen to his sober self - he's not ready to say it yet, end of story.

Although to be honest I think it's kind of weird to discuss at length whether or not you're going to say three words; you should just know when it's right.
We haven't discussed it at length at all really, we've talked about it once in a sort of coded way when sober, the rest just when he was drunk. Though to be honest it's got to the point where I'd just rather talk about it, even if we're not ever gonna say it, just to know where I stand.
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RightSaidJames
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#19
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You could dodge the issue of love for the moment and simply talk about the relationship itself? Perhaps suggest a weekend away (with the cost shared between the both of you) or some kind of romantic gesture?

In my view, you just need more ways to show your love for each other. Once you've done that the words should come easily.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mel0n)
Well there's ways of expressing yourself without saying the three words, and just because he hasn't said them doesn't mean he's not into you. Maybe he just wants to wait for the right time to say it.. when sober, of course.

Spoiler:
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You initially quoted me without going anonymous didn't you? :ninja:
yes. shhhh
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