Been with my gf a few months and she often brings up her ex randomly, not in a nice way, normally to ***** about what a **** he was. It's not that frequent but frequent enough for me to notice.
She did tell me about speaking to him a while ago and how he seemed to have finally grown up a bit, and apologized for treating her badly. She seems to have a few minor issues, things like not liking loveydoveyness and seemed happy he had apologized as it was almost like a release of a few inner demons.
Anyways, she hadn't really spoken about him for a while but because her friend is staying from home he has come up a few times, again how much of a **** he is mostly and I can understand it as it's the first time her friend has met me...
Last night though he sent her a text saying how much he misses her and how amazing she was...she showed me and said she hoped it was a sick joke. Asked me if I thought it was, I said I don't know, I don't know him and he was more than likely drunk. Tbh I felt a little awkward but tried to be objective. She said she'd speak to her friend about it but seemed a bit bothered by it, I think because it brought up past thoughts, it was the first time she'd told me that the reason she hated all the loveydovey stuff was because of him and that she used to like it...
Anyway it's left me wondering how I should react to it? I'm pretty laidback so I'm tempted to just leave it, but should I offer to speak to him (probably not), should I probe her to try overcome things or am I better off leaving it and letting her bring things up of she wants to?
Thanks in advance.
gf talking about her ex. watch
- Thread Starter
- 31-01-2010 17:16
- 31-01-2010 17:37
Err, don't offer to speak to him. That's just be weird and awkward and I doubt it's what she wants.
I find it strange she's telling you things about him, and even showing you the text... But then my boyfriend used to tell me stuff and clearly didn't think it was a big deal. If you feel uncomfortable with it, just tell her and ask her kindly to not keep bringing him up.
Depends what you feel comfortable with tbh. Some people are fine with their partners talking about their ex and it might be better to let it out into the open (it probably doesn't mean anything most of the time anyway); whereas some others (like me) feel extremely uncomfortable listening to stories about their exes or talking about my own.
- 31-01-2010 17:45
Don't offer to speak to him for her.
Just make sure she knows you're there for her... I bring up my ex with my boyfriend too... fact is he was a part of my life, and he does come to mind sometimes.
That she will talk to you about him with you shows that she trusts you to confide in, and that she doesn't have many if any lingering feelings for him. If she did she'd be too uncomfortable to talk to you about him.
- 31-01-2010 17:52
it sounds like he was being genuine, but your girlfreind was honest enough to bring it up than keep it to herself which is a sign she cares about you over him. speak to him without saying anything to her if you really want to, but if he mentions it to her it will only bring up a heap of problems.
- Thread Starter
- 31-01-2010 18:49
I think I'll just leave it
I'm fine with her talking about him to me, it can be a little uncomfortable at times but not really...just wondered if it was ok to be laid back about the whole thing as sometimes I'm so laid back about things I'm horizontal lol.
- 31-01-2010 18:50
He is her EX.
Thus he should be left where he belongs: in the past.
- 31-01-2010 18:51
I don't find it strange she showed you the text- in my opinion keeping it secret would have been much worse. I can sympathise with your girlfriend's position- I was in a relationship with a guy for a long time (over 3 years) and it ended pretty badly, I had a few issues that I've slowly been working through now with my current boyfriend, as well as having quite low self esteem etc. I do think about my ex sometimes, and I do mention him occasionally to my boyfriend, although I do find it slightly strange your girlfriend brings him up just to say what a **** he was... in my opinion quite unnecessary, she should not be focused on the past, good or bad, but rather on your current relationship. It is possible to appreciate you without having to compare you to him in some way, even if it is favourably.
As for the text, in your position I would speak to her, tell her how you feel about it etc, ask her how she feels. I know not everyone would give this advice, but I'm a very open, honest person and prefer to talk about things, even where I do feel like I'm being insecure or jealous. It is difficult to be focused on the past and give your all to a current relationship, you could try to explain that you want to be there for her etc, but you need to know she is committed to you and understands that you are not her ex.