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How to break things off with my boyfriend watch

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    Hey,

    So I'd really appreciate people's advice on my current situation!

    Things have been up-and-down for quite a while now with my boyfriend. There've been incidents in the past where he's asked other people for sex (but nothing ever happened), shown too much of an interest in others, no interest in me and still doesn't seem to be over his ex-boyfriend after two and a half years of being broken up!

    We're both in our second year at university, and we met pretty much right at the start of university and have lived together (pretty much) for the whole time. We live in the same house now.

    When he came back after Christmas I tried breaking things off, on the grounds that we just don't seem to be working out. I don't want any arguments, but that's what I got. I guess I'd be a little upset if I didn't get any 'resistance' and he was happy to just let things go, but the problem is I get so worked up and upset about it all I make myself horribly ill over it all.

    Anyway, after that we 'made amends' and have carried on being Okay (part of me just did this so it'd all 'just go away'), but recently I've found out about my boyfriend having plans to "catch-up" ("catch-up" means meeting up for sex) with one of his "friends" and this is sort of the final straw. I really feel the need to break things off.

    Now I have the support of some great friends, which is always a help - but my boyfriend is also going through some bad times medically and is going to the doctors and hospital a lot to get things checked. Perhaps somewhat selfishly, I have all of my university work and *work* work to think about... so really I'm trying to orchestrate this for minimum impact. For the both of us!

    I really don't want to fall out, or argue - I'd just love for us to be able to end it on decent terms. This isn't going to happen, though. I also can't afford to get unnecessarily worked up over this...

    So this is where I could use some advice/suggestions as to how to approach this. I really can't bare to do the whole Valentines thing with him, obviously - so we need to break it off before then. I could spend a week getting all of my work in order, try and get myself ahead so if I end up "writing off" a week it might not be so bad.

    Hopefully this doesn't sound really cold! I'm trying to anticipate how I'm going to react to this, which I suspect will be very badly... so i can't afford for it to be any worse than it needs to be.

    To avoid arguments I might not even mention the latest discovery of him planning to go and "fool around" with his friend, I just don't need the hassle. Ideally it'd be a case of just saying it, and then running *somewhere* (sucks that we're in the same house) so I don't even hear what he has to say. I wish it weren't like that, but it's almost the way it has to be...

    Anybody? Thanks for reading =]
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    Just tell him it's not working...tbh from what uve said, it doesnt sound like he's overly bothered anyways (sorry if thats harsh) and it's good that ur thinking about urself with ur work load and that because i don't think he's worth that much consideration. If you stay calm, and explain the problem briefly so it's not painful and drawn out, and then make it clear he's over, it hopefully shouldn't be a big scene. good luck lol u deff deserve better.
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    Just do it.

    /thread.
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    Just be honest and tell him you don't want to be with him for the reasons you have :dontknow:
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    He's been seeking sex elsewhere and you feel you have an obligation to be nice to him? Why? Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like a selfish s**t.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When he came back after Christmas I tried breaking things off, on the grounds that we just don't seem to be working out. I don't want any arguments, but that's what I got. I guess I'd be a little upset if I didn't get any 'resistance' and he was happy to just let things go, but the problem is I get so worked up and upset about it all I make myself horribly ill over it all.
    Why did he argue when you tried to break up? Even if he is having health problems, you shouldn't feel that those mean you have to be gentle on him. If it's for your own sake, fair enough. You say you've ended up feeling "horribly ill" over the whole situation. His deceitful behaviour has done that to you, and now you're afraid of his reaction when you do what is clearly the right thing for you. Don't be scared of him, be strong for yourself.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Perhaps somewhat selfishly, I have all of my university work and *work* work to think about.
    This is not selfish. Stand up for yourself instead of feeling you owe something to someone who has treated you very badly.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi all and thanks for your replies! I have to say I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said. I'm just working out *how* to do it, he's not going to let it go easily or without an argument... even if it is just to see me get worked up over it I feel. I was thinking of asking to stay at a friends for a few days, so that I won't be in the same house has him straight afterwards... I could just get out what I need to say, and leave? But I can't help but feel that isn't quite fair, and it's definitely not how I want it to go in an ideal world... but I don't see it happening any other way.

    Thanks again!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could just get out what I need to say, and leave? But I can't help but feel that isn't quite fair, and it's definitely not how I want it to go in an ideal world... but I don't see it happening any other way.
    Not quite fair? You're too nice, that's your trouble... I was in a not dissimilar situation myself last year and learnt the hard way that too much niceness is NOT a good thing sometimes, in fact it can even get you into hot water (and nearly did in my case). It concerns me slightly that he seems reluctant to end things with you when he's ignored you and pursued other people virtually under your nose. If he really wants to go after other guys, why doesn't he just break up with you and be free? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

    PS Let us know what happens.
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    There is no easy way to do it. I think your best bet is to NOT allow him to engage you in a discussion about it. You've already given your reasons; just tell him FIRMLY that you don't want to be with him anymore. If he tries to protest, tell him it's useless and you've made up your mind. Then leave ASAP.
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    His ex boyfriend? He's gay? Just a thought, but maybe that's why things aren't working out.
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    Yeah it seems you are in a hard position. Basically you guys must talk calmly about it and solve the problem objectively. If it is not working then i suggest you both talk about going through the separation.. Although you guys aren't married you live together and whomever leaves the house might need some time to get to the new place and stabilized. You should tell whatever you need and want from him and the same applies to him. Then you just have to move on and do the stuff you want to. In no time you both will be ok and hopefully friends if things weren't taken with harsh discussions.

    Good luck
    =)
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    (Original post by Wild_Precious_Life)
    His ex boyfriend? He's gay? Just a thought, but maybe that's why things aren't working out.
    Unless the op is also male & gay...
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    Ah you sound exactly like me (and we split up on friday.)

    I dont know....for me, I'd be thinking about it for ages and I just didnt have the guts to say anything.But I found out some things and when I saw him I just said 'I cant do this anymore' and it turned out he felt the same.It was hard and its horrible when youve been with someone for a long time, but the next day although I was sad, I also felt so relieved.Relieved that I was on the recieving end of his drama.

    So all I can suggest is sitting him down and telling him it isnt working etc and just take the shouting/crying whatever he does.But dont cave in because that will make you feel worse.I see you live together which makes things a bit more difficult,but all I can suggest is being honest and sticking to your guns.x
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    (Original post by Wild_Precious_Life)
    His ex boyfriend? He's gay? Just a thought, but maybe that's why things aren't working out.
    I lol'd.
 
 
 
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