"The sea was monstrous, angrily roaring up the shore in a seemingly confused and bewildered manner. The beach, in contrast, was as calm as the sky above it, and was coloured a bright yellow hue by the sunlight beaming down onto each and every grain of sand. The weather was quiet, and the fluffy clouds were widely dispersed in the clear blue sky, allowing maximal sunlight to filter down onto the land. Seagulls dominated the lower sky, squawking at the strangers below them, ducking and diving with excitement whenever a new piece of food presented itself on the still, dry sand. On one side of the beach, a cliff extended high up in the sky and reached out into the watery depths of the sea. The top of the cliff was covered in lustrous grass but it quickly gave way to a steep drop, where the rough and uneven cliff edge met with sharp rock in one jagged mess. To any passers-by, the beach looked as pure as driven snow, although they could not see what lurked behind its misleading serenity".
This is just the introduction. I'm not finished yet but I was wondering what this would currently be graded in your opinion.
Thanks in advance, quick feedback please?!
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- Thread Starter
- 01-02-2010 01:12
- Thread Starter
- 01-02-2010 22:53
Bump? I really need feedback on this!
- 02-02-2010 08:13
the first phrase, i doubt that the sea would be both angry and bewlidered. dosen't quite make sense. one or the other is fine though.
also some kind of metaphor would get you more marks too.
i would make much more of the contrast between the two sides of the clif, the beach and the rocks.
perhaps the rocks could have some kind of danger metaphor?
i would also expand more, but that is just my writing style.
i would expect you to get an A for this but it could easily be pushed up to an A *. of course, i would have to read the rest.
good luck anyway.