Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Acting normal/friendly or something else? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My girlfriend and I are in a rocky situation at the moment which I don't want to discuss because it would be far too long but some things have appeared and I just wanted to know what people thought about it.

    We've been on and off for a while now and we decided it was better to properly be in this relationship before coming out and telling everyone (although some close friends did know) that we were together again. When we saw each other (just us two) it was really good and we had an amazing time. Problems arose when we met up with other friends to go out or anything (we're in same friendship circles). She would act cold towards me because they didn't know yet I don't know why exactly because she could still be fairly close and just still be seen as friends. I mean she's really close with a couple of guy friends that we both have and she's always hugging them and stuff and if she's doing that and she's not with them surely she could do the same with me and not let others think "are they together or something?"

    Like she'd see one of them and randomly just hug him but she didn't even initiate any contact with me or anything. I felt like when I did try be a bit close she'd sort of push me away and not want me around her. Also, we live maybe 10 minutes away but only see each other maybe once a week which really saddens me. I've asked to see her maybe an hour and not for it to be the whole day so it can be more often but she says if she sees me she can't get work done and stuff (I don't know...). The thing is, she sees a few friends so much more than me and I want to add that we were friends maybe 4 years before getting together so we're pretty damn close either way (been together 1 year on and off now). I dunno, I feel sometimes she cares more about her friends than me and I'm not making her choose but if she sees these friends every day at school and me only once a week but she'll still say she's busy to spend MORE time with some of those friends. I mean I feel like she just doesn't care at times.

    Yes, I do love her but I don't like how I feel. Would be great if I was a lot more laid back but I don't think I'm 100% at fault here to be honest. I have made compromises to see her and I feel like she doesn't make any.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My girlfriend and I are in a rocky situation at the moment which I don't want to discuss because it would be far too long but some things have appeared and I just wanted to know what people thought about it.

    We've been on and off for a while now and we decided it was better to properly be in this relationship before coming out and telling everyone (although some close friends did know) that we were together again. When we saw each other (just us two) it was really good and we had an amazing time. Problems arose when we met up with other friends to go out or anything (we're in same friendship circles). She would act cold towards me because they didn't know yet I don't know why exactly because she could still be fairly close and just still be seen as friends. I mean she's really close with a couple of guy friends that we both have and she's always hugging them and stuff and if she's doing that and she's not with them surely she could do the same with me and not let others think "are they together or something?"

    Like she'd see one of them and randomly just hug him but she didn't even initiate any contact with me or anything. I felt like when I did try be a bit close she'd sort of push me away and not want me around her. Also, we live maybe 10 minutes away but only see each other maybe once a week which really saddens me. I've asked to see her maybe an hour and not for it to be the whole day so it can be more often but she says if she sees me she can't get work done and stuff (I don't know...). The thing is, she sees a few friends so much more than me and I want to add that we were friends maybe 4 years before getting together so we're pretty damn close either way (been together 1 year on and off now). I dunno, I feel sometimes she cares more about her friends than me and I'm not making her choose but if she sees these friends every day at school and me only once a week but she'll still say she's busy to spend MORE time with some of those friends. I mean I feel like she just doesn't care at times.

    Yes, I do love her but I don't like how I feel. Would be great if I was a lot more laid back but I don't think I'm 100% at fault here to be honest. I have made compromises to see her and I feel like she doesn't make any.
    This is a complicated situation. I'm thinking she feels paranoid about her friends finding out that you are together, and she wants to keep it between yourselves. This would make her feel the need to act cold towards you because she feels that her friends know you might be together, so this is a defense mechanism.

    The most important thing is not to choke her with attention, what i mean by this is don't text her too often, if she doesnt reply, just wait until she does, or another day. DOn't demand to see her every hour under the sun, Give her time to think, let her decide when she wants to see you. I'm sure it will work out if you follow these tips.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Tom.)
    This is a complicated situation. I'm thinking she feels paranoid about her friends finding out that you are together, and she wants to keep it between yourselves. This would make her feel the need to act cold towards you because she feels that her friends know you might be together, so this is a defense mechanism.

    The most important thing is not to choke her with attention, what i mean by this is don't text her too often, if she doesnt reply, just wait until she does, or another day. DOn't demand to see her every hour under the sun, Give her time to think, let her decide when she wants to see you. I'm sure it will work out if you follow these tips.
    I do get a lot saying I am clingy and I probably am but when I do reveal more they think I must be lying. I usually text maybe once or twice a day and rarely call because I don't have a mobile contract so would be far too expensive. We do however talk on MSN sometimes if we're on at the same time.

    Ok, I do have a problem with wanting to see her a lot but like I said. Once a week and we live 10 minutes away? I mean it's pretty silly and what's worse is that she would sometimes rather meet up with friends she already sees every day instead of me who she may not have seen in a week or so. I know she doesn't want to let down friends but, come on, surely there has to be a compromise somewhere?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    bump.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 2, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.