Grandparents won&#x27;t speak to me

Try going round see what they say it might break the ice, but don't get your hopes up too much because it might not help at all. But you only have one life so at least try.

Reply 2

OP

viviki

Try going round see what they say it might break the ice, but don't get your hopes up too much because it might not help at all. But you only have one life so at least try.

Yeah, it's getting to the point where anything's worth a try! However, I've got hardly any money atm, so the price of a train ticket is what's at stake. They could very easily just shut the door in my face! Maybe if I gave them some flowers or something they couldn't turn me away.

Reply 3

Could your mum give you something to take to them or something? Give you a way in. I wouldn't phone beforehand because it'll give them a chance to go out.

Reply 4

why don't you ring them? they might put the phone down but its worth a try, or why don't you get your mum/dad to talk to them...

Reply 5

priya

they won't expect you to be turning up, so it's unlikely they'll turn you away, they'll hopefully be too shocked for it

do they still keep in touch with your parents and siblings?

Reply 6

OP

They're not speaking to my mum, either. They've said they want "nothing more to do with her" or my dad. This is because, after Grandad's mum's funeral last November, my mum was friendly to Grandad's brother, with whom my grandparents aren't on good terms. It was obvious that the funeral was a time to put the past behind them, but Nanny and Grandad don't do this readily.

So my mum talking to them isn't an option - they ignore all her emails and attempts at reconciliation too!

I have thought of phoning them but I'd rather be face-to-face, I'm not very good on the phone :redface:

EDIT: And as for my siblings, they complain that they're at a distance from them because of not speaking to my mum, but she made it clear to them that they're not involved and that they can still communicate with my siblings. Having said this, they haven't been in touch with them at all!

Reply 7

leannemarie

11

I haven't spoken to my grandparents (more specifically my gran) for over 8 months because she is jealous of me living with my nan who I look after because has been/is very ill. I think my gran is really selfish and doesn't really understand the pressure on me and I have refused all her bday and Xmas gifts since. Kind of different because you want to speak to yours, but perhaps what I'm saying is that they should respect your life, and your decisions.

Reply 8

OP

leannemann

I haven't spoken to my grandparents (more specifically my gran) for over 8 months because she is jealous of me living with my nan who I look after because has been/is very ill. I think my gran is really selfish and doesn't really understand the pressure on me and I have refused all her bday and Xmas gifts since. Kind of different because you want to speak to yours, but perhaps what I'm saying is that they should respect your life, and your decisions.

That's exactly what my other grandad (the Catholic one) said. I was surprised about it, as I was expecting him to disapprove, but he just said that what my bf and I choose to do is our decision, nobody else's, and that that had to be seen, understood and accepted by everyone. My other grandparents obviously disagree! :rolleyes:

Reply 9

Eeyore

They're not speaking to my mum, either. They've said they want "nothing more to do with her" or my dad. This is because, after Grandad's mum's funeral last November, my mum was friendly to Grandad's brother, with whom my grandparents aren't on good terms. It was obvious that the funeral was a time to put the past behind them, but Nanny and Grandad don't do this readily.

So my mum talking to them isn't an option - they ignore all her emails and attempts at reconciliation too!

I have thought of phoning them but I'd rather be face-to-face, I'm not very good on the phone :redface:

EDIT: And as for my siblings, they complain that they're at a distance from them because of not speaking to my mum, but she made it clear to them that they're not involved and that they can still communicate with my siblings. Having said this, they haven't been in touch with them at all!

Definitely go face to face its worth a try. We had a big falling out in our family and none of us kids talk because the older generation don't it just makes me mad. I'd made an effort for ages but now I'm just mad. But you should definitely make an effort and then you've done your bit and its definitely down to them, thats all you can do really. Turn up and try to talk to them if they can't get over pettiness then thats their problem but at least youve tried.

Reply 10

i think you should make them see how much this is upsetting you, tell them that you don't want things to end on bad terms, explain that you love them and respect them but tell them how happy your boyfriend makes you and how much you love him and tell them that you worry that your family is falling appart and that your boyfriend will be all that you have left....or something...

Reply 11

OP

viviki

Definitely go face to face its worth a try. We had a big falling out in our family and none of us kids talk because the older generation don't it just makes me mad. I'd made an effort for ages but now I'm just mad. But you should definitely make an effort and then you've done your bit and its definitely down to them, thats all you can do really. Turn up and try to talk to them if they can't get over pettiness then thats their problem but at least theyve tried.

Yeah, I think I will do that. I mean it's getting ridiculous: they've rebuffed me; willfully misinterpreted me (even, bizarrely, reading sexuality into something or other I'm alleged to have said! - Victorian paranoia!); lied about me; "corrected", as they call it, my personal opinions; patronised me; insulted my intelligence, judgement and maturity, implying that I can't take the consequences of my own actions; implied that they will be disinheriting me; and finally, ignored 99% of my emails. They've also tried to set me again my mum and tried to set other family members against me/us! I think maybe they're going senile or something... :s:

Reply 12

You've got to try for your own piece of mind. YOu can't make them talk to you but you can put yourself in the situation where its easy. If they don't respond to you this time right it off as an impossibility but at least you know you've made the effort and treated them better than they've treated you.

Reply 13

OP

tate

i think you should make them see how much this is upsetting you, tell them that you don't want things to end on bad terms, explain that you love them and respect them but tell them how happy your boyfriend makes you and how much you love him and tell them that you worry that your family is falling appart and that your boyfriend will be all that you have left....or something...

I've just written them an email, entitled "Please at least read the last paragraph" so that they (hopefully) don't delete the message without reading it. They know I'm really happy with my bf, but this doesn't seem to come into the equation. This is the last paragraph of my email:

Please be assured that I feel nothing but goodwill towards you both, in spite of everything. I understand that you are from a different generation and that your upbringing was very different from what mine has been. This shouldn't, however, get in the way of a good grandparent-grandchild relationship. Although I have been hurt by your actions, you aren't getting any younger (to be blunt) and it would be a great shame if time was to run out and we were to part on bad terms. This is why, over the past few weeks, I have been so intent on communicating with you and trying to act normally. Please bear this in mind before ignoring me again.

Reply 14

would they be happy if you and your boyfriend were getting married? not meaning that you should just to please them lol but what is it exactly that they object too?

Reply 15

OP

tate

would they be happy if you and your boyfriend were getting married? not meaning that you should just to please them lol but what is it exactly that they object too?

My boyfriend and I are engaged and my grandparents know about this, but haven't said a word of congratulation or anything! Perhaps it is the age difference they object to (he's 16 years older). It's not as if he's been married before or anything, and he's super-dooper clever with a PhD from Oxford, so it's not as if he's a bad match for me.

Reply 16

i can't see what there problem is to be honest...
*hugs and stuff*

Reply 17

OP