I'm in such a dilemma, I don't know what to do with myself. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I'm very attached to him, I love him and I know that we want the same things in the future. I often hint about getting engaged and he seems keen. I don't think he's planning anything yet but it's definitely on the table.
I've applied to Plymouth, Bournemouth and Cardiff universities to study midwifery. Plymouth would be ideal for us because he works there and we could move in together and start a life together. However, I'm not sure if I'm going to get into Plymouth and may have to go further away.
The best way to describe how I'm feeling is claustrophobic. I've lived in Cornwall all my life and I've never really left. I'm young and I'm going to start this amazing but very demanding career and all of a sudden I'm feeling like I need to run away and start again in a new area.
Our relationship is not perfect, I do love him and we get on well most of the time but he can be quite snappy and difficult. He makes me feel akward and guilty sometimes and I know this would make it really hard if we were living far apart.
Part of me wants to go and make new friends and move away and meet a new guy who will be better for me. But another part of me wants to stay close, live with him, get married, have a family. I've always been a homely person and very family orientated. This claustrophobic feeling is completely new to me and I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend brought up the engagement thing and I said that I wanted to wait a while until I know where I'm going to uni and he doesn't understand how I feel. I've always been the one who wants the family and the engagement but now I'm not sure and he doesn't know why.
I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm risking turning my life upside down and losing everything. But I could find someone new and make new friends. Argh why is this so hard?
Any help or advice that anyone could give me? x