Bit of background- im a girl in a mixed group of friends. Myself and one of the boys in the group have had a bit of history, sleeping with each other and seeing each other on and off for about 18 months. But over the last 6 months my feelings have intensified to a ridiculous amount. He is the ONLY thing on my mind for much of the day, and I can't go for 3 minutes without thinking about him
The reason we don't go out is because we're in unis 4/5 hours apart and it wouldn't work, also we argue a hell of a lot, and we're both just trying to enjoy uni at the moment without being tied down in a relationship.
To make things worse he's seeing someone else (as well as me... ) and this makes me want him more. We normally speak on the phone every day, and a week ago he was a HUGE idiot about something so I got very annoyed with him and had a go. He didn't take it very well and even after me texting him with countless apologies he still hasn't made any contact.
Every day for me now is like a struggle I have the girl he is seeing as my friend on facebook and I check out their profiles about 3 times a day. If they got together I have absolutely no idea what i'd do, i'd feel like life wasn't worth living and that i'd never find anyone like him again. And as we're in such a tight knit group of friends I think my heart would break whenever I saw him when we all met up.
This all sounds very melodramatic but I need some kind of advise/guidance off someone... anyone! Telling him how strongly I feel isn't really an option because i'm so scared of rejection from him I'm scared of what i'd do if he turned me away. I'm constantly kicking myself because this time last year it was the other way around and he was the one obsessing over me, I want to rewind a year
Do they actually matter?