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would you be embarrased/offended if someone said this to you? watch

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    Im not sure how I should be feeling about this but Im a 25 (girl/female/woman) and my tennis coach asked when I was starting a course (occupational therapy) Ive applied for at uni and I said I still wasn't sure if I want to do it or not and he went on saying it was he best thing and that he's not trying to get rid of me but he's thinking of my education and develpment. I said 'development' he said 'social development your social life will be improved. He said a few days ago that it would be good for me and will bring me out of myself he says Ive no confidence I said I have and he said well you certainly don't display it. I am very shy and quiet and admit don't have a social life but I hate how people can pick up on this expecially a 55 year old man. He also said the obvious how its best to be qualified in something to get a mortgage, work anywhere and that I'l be a fool if I don't do it. I walk home half way home with him from practice cause we walk the same way and we chat Ive been going for 10 years but yea would you be insulted or embarrased if someone said this stuff to you or would you just think they cared about you..or what?
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    It is good when someone tells you the truth, even though it hurts. People who just say things to make you feel good and agree with you all the time are sycophantic ***** and they don't help you in the long run.
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    I think it shows that he cares about you. You shouldn't take it as an insult.
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    I would feel a little uncomfortable, sleep on it, and wake up realising they were right.
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    Well you are obviously on familiar terms with him, so it looks like he is thinking of your well being. 55 year old men hardly strike me as "*****y"
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    yeah i think so too, just think of it as him thinking of your future
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    I guess I would be a little embarrassed because he's suggesting you're lacking in social skills, I wouldn't be too bothered though. Please punctuate a little more
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    He's just helping you by telling the truth, would you rather he lied to you?
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    I hate it when people point out that you are shy. It's like, what do you expect me to say? Lol.
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    (Original post by Becky21)
    He's just helping you by telling the truth, would you rather he lied to you?
    No but it indicates that everyone knows that I have no social life and its just most people would be embarrased. But its sort of become my identity now that Im quiet and don't bother with people and I guess Im offended a bit because he's confirmed this..in a way. I secretly don't want to be like I am but I tell people who say Im a loner that Im not the social type and like being on my own thats what I said to him. Saying this makes me feel less of a loser because it makes people think I choose to be like this.
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    He cares for you and gives sincere advice. You should be thankful.
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    Well he is right, its not something to be embarrased about, and its not an insult. Be very objective about it, and you would probably agree.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate it when people point out that you are shy. It's like, what do you expect me to say? Lol.
    You can agree or disagree, we call this communication :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No but it indicates that everyone knows that I have no social life and its just most people would be embarrased. But its sort of become my identity now that Im quiet and don't bother with people and I guess Im offended a bit because he's confirmed this..in a way. I secretly don't want to be like I am but I tell people who say Im a loner that Im not the social type and like being on my own thats what I said to him. Saying this makes me feel less of a loser because it makes people think I choose to be like this.
    I doubt that he was saying he didn't think you have a social life. It's much more likely he was just referring to the fact that you're shy and that perhaps it would help you to be more confident. Social development isn't about how many mates you have, it's about how well you interact with people, especially in novel settings and confidence is good for this.

    When you say that he's been your tennis coach for 10 years, I suspect he's saying things more out of consideration for you than anything else.
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    I'd be really embarrassed but realise he was just trying to help me, and try and come across as more confident.
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    (Original post by x y z)
    I'd be really embarrassed but realise he was just trying to help me, and try and come across as more confident.
    why would you be embarrassed? I don't get whats embarrasing about being shy and not having great social skills. I can understand with guys cause guys are sort of in competition with each other over confidence but the op is a girl.
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    Tbh he sounds like he's just telling it like it is. Listen to his advice maybe? Often things that offend us/we protest against, are true.
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    If it's the truth, I'd recognise that and learn from it. If it wasn't the truth, then it's irrelevant to me and I'd dismiss it, maybe even laugh it off. As long as the person saying it was trying to help and not being offensive, then there's no need to be embarrassed or offended.
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    If it was the truth, then I wouldn't feel embarrassed.

    I'd rather hear it from one person close to me, so that I could do something about it, before big groups of people see it too. I think he's done you a favour :yes:
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    (Original post by isawsparks89)
    If it was the truth, then I wouldn't feel embarrassed.

    I'd rather hear it from one person close to me, so that I could do something about it, before big groups of people see it too. I think he's done you a favour :yes:
    I know but in a way it hasn't helped because it shows that Im not worrying over nothing and that I am actually a social re.... fill in the gap lol. I thought that people wouldn't notice my lack of social skills because they would be too busy worrying about themselves but clearly not. Now I have to worry about people noticing my inconfidence.
 
 
 
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