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Had an abortion - boyfriend found out! watch

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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Its not the same.

    Any other procedure involves the woman and the woman alone. An abortion involves her and the man, as part of what is removed is the man's genetic material. No-one has a legal right to this information, but the man has a moral right to it.


    no, it involves her and her only unless she CHOOSES to get the man involved
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    (Original post by Sophistress)
    I don't think she's missing the point. I am only ever responsible for my own actions and never anyone else's. Of course he's to blame. He needs to learn some self-control.
    Of course. In a state of extreem turmoil and stress he should have self control. However that state of stress was induced by her. He was put in that position by her. He should have reacted better, but the need for self control would not have existed without her. He takes most of the blame, but she is not blameless.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    no, it involves her and her only unless she CHOOSES to get the man involved
    If she was removing part of her own body, i would agree.

    This is not the case.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    If she was removing part of her own body, i would agree.

    This is not the case.

    it is the case, those cells belong to the woman they are in the womans body

    the man has NO say in it, simple as that, its the womans choice, her decision
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Its not the same.

    Any other procedure involves the woman and the woman alone. An abortion involves her and the man, as part of what is removed is the man's genetic material. No-one has a legal right to this information, but the man has a moral right to it.
    The person who sweeps up your hair at the barber shop is removing something that contains your genetic material. Do you feel you are involved in this process, too?

    I'm curious - how would he have benefitted from knowing that she had an abortion? His life has not been changed in any way as a result of her pregnancy and abortion. His life remained exactly the same before, during, and after her pregnancy. It's pretty ridiculous to say that he has a right to know about something that doesn't affect him at all. If she was going to have the child, then he'd have a right to know about that, as that could change his life completely. Going from not having a child to STILL not having a child is not something that someone has a right to be informed of. They know they don't have a child.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    it is the case, those cells belong to the woman they are in the womans body

    the man has NO say in it, simple as that, its the womans choice, her decision
    Rubbish. So if i put my hand in your mouth, it would suddenly become your hand?
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Rubbish. So if i put my hand in your mouth, it would suddenly become your hand?

    no because its attatched to you

    and if the day if a woman does not want to have a baby the man can not make her have it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP, you're the one with the problem, not your boyfriend. It's absolutely disgusting that you had an abortion without even telling him, and then left him; what part of you thinks that's acceptable? My aunt was pregnant and then had a miscarriage which no-one else but me in my whole family knows about, and I know everyone is going to be upset/angry with her for not telling them if it ever comes out, and that was just a natural thing. You went out of your way to 'dispose of' what you saw as an inconvenience but was in reality his child just as much as yours, and you wonder why he's angry...
    Not just that, but she NEVER planned to tell hm either that he could have been a dad. I'd probably have reacted in the same way. I dont want children, but I wouldnt go get an abortion and carry on with my life the same as before, without telling my boyfriend. That's wrong.


    Where does his "right" to know come from? Why is that a given? If his ideas don't match her own thoughts as they relate to abortion then what good would have telling him done? She'd clearly already made her decision. Telling him would only have added extra problems for her. And based on what she's told us about him, telling him may well have jeopardised her safety.
    God forbid her having anymore problems. It okay though, its not like her boyfriend went and killed her child without her even knowing of its existance.


    That's not her fault. And it's not relevant to whether he has a RIGHT to know.
    Maybe not a legal right, but any half decent person would say something.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    The person who sweeps up your hair at the barber shop is removing something that contains your genetic material. Do you feel you are involved in this process, too?

    I'm curious - how would he have benefitted from knowing that she had an abortion? His life has not been changed in any way as a result of her pregnancy and abortion. His life remained exactly the same before, during, and after her pregnancy. It's pretty ridiculous to say that he has a right to know about something that doesn't affect him at all. If she was going to have the child, then he'd have a right to know about that, as that could change his life completely. Going from not having a child to STILL not having a child is not something that someone has a right to be informed of. They know they don't have a child.
    Of course i wouldn't feel involved, and with good reason. My hair is not alive. It has no potential for growth. There is no ethical dilemma surrounding the disposal of my hair. No-one believes that i should not have had my hair removed and the hair is entirely my own.

    He would not have benefitted. This doesnt make it right. If you were adopted, being told would not benefit you in any way, but you would still want to know right?
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    (Original post by Tw1x)

    Maybe not a legal right, but any half decent person would say something.
    any any half decent bloke wouldnt tie up his gf to stop her from leaving, a decent man would let her go and be happy
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    no because its attatched to you

    and if the day if a woman does not want to have a baby the man can not make her have it
    I fail to see the difference in the arguments. How about if you were to eat my hand (hypothetically of course...). Would it then become your hand? I still think not.

    And as for the second part, this would be made so much easier if you could keep any sentences you write coherent.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    I fail to see the difference in the arguments. How about if you were to eat my hand (hypothetically of course...). Would it then become your hand? I still think not.

    And as for the second part, this would be made so much easier if you could keep any sentences you write coherent.

    wow dunno what happened with my second sentence :eek3: i guess thats what i get when i try to type as someones talking to me, anyway it was meant to read this

    and at the end of the day if a woman does not want to have a baby the man can not make her have it
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    (Original post by Tw1x)
    God forbid her having anymore problems. It okay though, its not like her boyfriend went and killed her child without her even knowing of its existance.

    Maybe not a legal right, but any half decent person would say something.

    I'm not going to engage you in a discussion about the morality of abortion. There is no discussion to be had. Abortion is clearly within her moral comfort zone and that is all I need to know.

    A moral decent person would say... what exactly? Remember; she wasn't having his child, she was aborting it. She had already made her decision. If she felt she could tell her ex then I am sure she would have. It sounds like she made the right decision based on her circumstances.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Of course i wouldn't feel involved, and with good reason. My hair is not alive. It has no potential for growth. There is no ethical dilemma surrounding the disposal of my hair. No-one believes that i should not have had my hair removed and the hair is entirely my own.

    He would not have benefitted. This doesnt make it right. If you were adopted, being told would not benefit you in any way, but you would still want to know right?
    There are plenty of benefits to knowing who your biological parents are, yet none to knowing that your sperm fertilised an egg that will never be a person.

    Of course in a normal situation you would expect a woman to tell her boyfriend that she was having in abortion, but not when doing so would place her at considerable risk. Is it really worth putting yourself in harm's way because of some idealistic notion that someone else should know everything that happens to their genetic material?

    There was no ideal option here; she had to make a tough choice and she chose the option that was least likely to cause someone harm.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    no, it involves her and her only unless she CHOOSES to get the man involved
    I'm fine with that opinion providing you agree men should not have to pay when they get no say over someone having there kid if they do not wish too.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    There are plenty of benefits to knowing who your biological parents are, yet none to knowing that your sperm fertilised an egg that will never be a person.

    Of course in a normal situation you would expect a woman to tell her boyfriend that she was having in abortion, but not when doing so would place her at considerable risk. Is it really worth putting yourself in harm's way because of some idealistic notion that someone else should know everything that happens to their genetic material?

    There was no ideal option here; she had to make a tough choice and she chose the option that was least likely to cause someone harm.
    No. She selfishly chose the option that was least likely to cause HER harm. Not someone. Her.

    There really are no benefits to knowing your biological parents outside of an accurate medical history, which is hardly essential anyway.
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    Gotta back up pink bullets, this genetic material business is dubious at best. Taken to its logical conclusion, none of you moral, upstanding gents ever knock one out because that would be a waste, nay murder, of your genetic material. All those potential babies slowly dying in a sticky piece of tissue!

    Out of interest, while it's clear neither party is totally blameless here, are there any men who support OP's actions more than the ex's, or women who support the opposite? We seem to be splitting along gender lines here, indicating we're not all as good at the whole empathy business as some of us are suggesting.
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    (Original post by Rucklo)
    I'm fine with that opinion providing you agree men should not have to pay when they get no say over someone having there kid if they do not wish too.
    No I don't agree. Who should pay for the child then, for the sake of fairness? The taxpayer? That's even less "fair" since the taxpayer is in no way responsible for the conception of the child.

    So where does "fairness" leave the child? Starving in the gutter?

    Unfortunately, biology isn't fair.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    No. She selfishly chose the option that was least likely to cause HER harm. Not someone. Her.
    ...Because she was the only person whose physical safety was at risk. :rolleyes:

    There was no risk of him being harmed by not knowing about her abortion.
    There was a risk of her being harmed.

    Got that?
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    (Original post by Sophistress)
    No I don't agree. Who should pay for the child then, for the sake of fairness? The taxpayer? That's even less "fair" since the taxpayer is in no way responsible for the conception of the child.

    So where does "fairness" leave the child? Starving in the gutter?

    Unfortunately, biology isn't fair.
    If she wants the kid, she should pay, by not aborting it she should accept she has the financial capability to not have it.

    If it's not a man's decision to have it and isn't part of him then what the **** is he paying for it for?
 
 
 
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