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Had an abortion - boyfriend found out! watch

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    (Original post by Sophistress)
    Well, of course. I don't find that remotely shocking.
    Neither do i. People are selfish.
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    (Original post by Drogue)
    I'd dispute this. UK law, and most people's morality, says that a woman's body is her own business. If she doesn't want to lend it to a baby, that's her decision. While we'd all like it to be a joint decision, as I know I would, at the end of the day it has to be the woman's right to choose what to do with her body. Now, I would imagine most women have thought about what they'd do if they got pregnant. It may be that she's thought about it long enough to be pretty sure what she'd do, so that, as she said, it was an obvious choice to her.

    Faced with her mind made up that she didn't want a baby, especially with a man who very much wants a long-term relationship with her but that she does not want, she had a choice of telling him or not. In that case, it seems nicer to him, who wants a relationship and doesn't like abortions, not to tell him.

    You could call the decision to have an abortion selfish, but surely it's far more selfish to force a woman to lend her body to a foetus for 9 months before undergoing a long, painful and quite dangerous operation to end up with a baby she's not ready for with a man she doesn't want a relationship with. Given that she was having an abortion whatever, is it selfish not to tell the man? It would depend on the man. I know I'd like to know, but that's because I wouldn't mind too much. I'm pretty sure this guy would rather he never knew, given his reaction.

    I wouldn't continue a relationship with a girl who did this as it shows a lack of trust, but if the relationship had ended, I can understand not going into this with him. I'd be far, far more pissed of if she kept the baby and didn't tell me.


    But would you tie her to a bed post to stop her from leaving you? It seems he was a bit mental before the abortion, hence (partly) the not telling.

    Most sense i've read in this thread! :p:
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    Hi OP! Thanks for returning to the thread and giving us an update.

    It sounds like you really have your head screwed on. I have to say, I do agree with your friend re not contacting this guy again. You've dated him for a long time so it's natural that you would worry about him but I would be extremely cautious of him using that against you. He's already displayed some very worrying behaviour and you don't want to make yourself vulnerable to emotional manipulation from him.

    I really do wish you the best.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    ...Say what?
    If there's something you want me to clarify you should specify
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    she wasnt messing him about, she cant help it if he feels for her more than she does for him
    Then she should just end it, instead of being stuck in the on-off stage. Either she likes him enough to be with him, or she doesnt and they are over. Its not difficult.
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    (Original post by Tw1x)
    Then she should just end it, instead of being stuck in the on-off stage. Either she likes him enough to be with him, or she doesnt and they are over. Its not difficult.
    come back and say that when you have had or are in a serious relationship, its not all black and white
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Love the way you are ignoring the harm to the worthless bundle of cells sitting in her womb.
    Isn't that what it is? Until some time in it's not really a 'baby'.
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    (Original post by Sophistress)
    I'm not going to engage you in a discussion about the morality of abortion. There is no discussion to be had. Abortion is clearly within her moral comfort zone and that is all I need to know.

    A moral decent person would say... what exactly? Remember; she wasn't having his child, she was aborting it. She had already made her decision. If she felt she could tell her ex then I am sure she would have. It sounds like she made the right decision based on her circumstances.
    I am pro-life, I have no problems with abortion. What I have a problem with is her not telling her boyfriend/exboyfriend. I dont expect her to keep it, but atleast telling him she was pregnant, but made up her mind not to have it would be better than him finding out later. Abortions usually have some emotional effect on the woman, which could potentially have messed up their relationship had they continued staying together. He deserves to know, even if she made her decision.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    come back and say that when you have had or are in a serious relationship, its not all black and white
    And you know what about my life exactly? I have been there, and realized what a ***** I was. I didnt carry it on for 5 years.
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    (Original post by Tw1x)
    I am pro-life, I have no problems with abortion. What I have a problem with is her not telling her boyfriend/exboyfriend. I dont expect her to keep it, but atleast telling him she was pregnant, but made up her mind not to have it would be better than him finding out later. Abortions usually have some emotional effect on the woman, which could potentially have messed up their relationship had they continued staying together. He deserves to know, even if she made her decision.
    I don't think there's anything more to say on this. The OP made the decision that she felt was best for her. Nothing she's posted leads me to believe that he "deserved" to know about the pregnancy at the possible expense of her state of mind and her safety.
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    (Original post by Tw1x)
    I am pro-life, I have no problems with abortion. What I have a problem with is her not telling her boyfriend/exboyfriend. I dont expect her to keep it, but atleast telling him she was pregnant, but made up her mind not to have it would be better than him finding out later. Abortions usually have some emotional effect on the woman, which could potentially have messed up their relationship had they continued staying together. He deserves to know, even if she made her decision.
    If I thought my boyfriend would get violent and threatening if he knew, there's no way I'd tell him. And this guy is obviously violent and threatening at times.
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    (Original post by sorafdfs)
    Isn't that what it is? Until some time in it's not really a 'baby'.
    You seriously want to enter the danegrous waters of deciding when a baby becomes a baby?
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    If there's something you want me to clarify you should specify
    You essentially said that it was both of their faults, but it was all his fault.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    You essentially said that it was both of their faults, but it was all his fault.
    The pregnancy was both of their faults. This means that he can't blame her for him being upset about the abortion, and she can't blame him for any emotional pain and turmoil the abortion might have caused her.

    (however, he can be blamed for his behaviour afterwards)
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    The pregnancy was both of their faults. This means that he can't blame her for him being upset about the abortion, and she can't blame him for any emotional pain and turmoil the abortion might have caused her.

    (however, he can be blamed for his behaviour afterwards)
    Yes he can. Although they both caused the pregnancy, she caused the abortion.
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    talk to him?
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    (Original post by Sophistress)
    Hi OP! Thanks for returning to the thread and giving us an update.

    It sounds like you really have your head screwed on. I have to say, I do agree with your friend re not contacting this guy again. You've dated him for a long time so it's natural that you would worry about him but I would be extremely cautious of him using that against you. He's already displayed some very worrying behaviour and you don't want to make yourself vulnerable to emotional manipulation from him.

    I really do wish you the best.
    Hi.
    Thanks for the kind words.
    I’ve decided to give it a few days and if I don’t hear anything – I’m ordering a few of his friends on a search party to look for him.

    By the way, BSLFOREVER, I aborted it and I’m glad I did they way I did. The only thing I regret is him finding out.
    I still maintain my position in that I had every right not to tell him about the pregnancy or the intended abortion – he had no say in it at all as it was going to be ME who would carry the baby for 9 months, ME who would go through the painful labour and ME who, essentially, would take a gap in MY career to look after a baby that I don’t want.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi.
    Thanks for the kind words.
    I’ve decided to give it a few days and if I don’t hear anything – I’m ordering a few of his friends on a search party to look for him.

    By the way, BSLFOREVER, I aborted it and I’m glad I did they way I did. The only thing I regret is him finding out.
    I still maintain my position in that I had every right not to tell him about the pregnancy or the intended abortion – he had no say in it at all as it was going to be ME who would carry the baby for 9 months, ME who would go through the painful labour and ME who, essentially, would take a gap in MY career to look after a baby that I don’t want.
    Of course, thats fine. Why should anything ever inconvinience you at all? Life is all about you, and if a baby was to get in your way hell, rip the thing out. You should always come first. Always.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Of course, thats fine. Why should anything ever inconvinience you at all? Life is all about you, and if a baby was to get in your way hell, rip the thing out. You should always come first. Always.
    Glad we cleared that up
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Glad we cleared that up
    If you can live with that, if you can repeat what i wrote and smile then thats just fine. You are a right piece of work though, thats for sure.
 
 
 
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