Obsessive

Becca_18star

I am 18 and lead a pretty free and easy lifestlye. Including drinking, smoking, casual sex (even with gay best m8) and occasional smoking pot. However recently I have become struck with an obsessive compulsive thing that seems to cover all aspects of my life. Plus I have become consumed with guilt. I feel the presence of a God or spirituality that haunts me even in my sleep, why do I feel like this. Who is this God. I need to repent but I am addicted to a lifestyle thats killing me and my worry and guilt is making my obsessions worse. I feel like I love my life but deserve death. Its like I'm partying my way to sure suicide. Please help. :confused:

I feel like that, i worry about every little thing i do and what God will see it as, whether its right or wrong etc.

Reply 2

OP

Is it hurting you?

Reply 3

Becca_18star

Is it hurting you?

It affects what i do, a lot. I have a conscience for everything, i feel so guilty after killing an ant, seriously, everything i do i fear will carry consquences.

Reply 4

Barny

Doubt your mate is actually gay if hes having sex with you..or is he a she?

Reply 5

OP

Its a he, but that was just an example. Me 2 Markus. But if I can meataphorically relate a simple act likeing picking a dress colour to something negative it will bring out obsessions such as counting or touching. It is scary.

Reply 6

Barny

I take it you believe in god then? Thats the root of your problems.

Reply 7

Becca_18star

Its a he, but that was just an example. Me 2 Markus. But if I can meataphorically relate a simple act likeing picking a dress colour to something negative it will bring out obsessions such as counting or touching. It is scary.

When i have something red on me i fear something bad is going to happen to me :mad:

Reply 8

technik

13

amend how you live your life.

Reply 9

imasillynarb

I take it you believe in god then? Thats the root of your problems.

....

Lots of religious people dont feel like i do. That isnt a cause.

Reply 10

OP

Its only in the last month I've come to believe in God smartass (Iamsillynarb) I've been obsessive for about a year ish.

Reply 11

OP

Markus are u seeking help?

Reply 12

Barny

Becca_18star

Its only in the last month I've come to believe in God smartass (Iamsillynarb) I've been obsessive for about a year ish.

I wasn't being a smartass, as you put it, you kept banging on about feeling guilty and that God was gonna punish you or whatever, so I was suggesting thats the reason you're feeling bad about doing the stuff you do?

Reply 13

OP

I don't think God's gonna smite me down or anything. It's a bit like having sex with someone in front of your parents. Its the guilt. Like when your mum says she isn't mad just disappointed and its like "awww dude" you want to die!!

Reply 14

Gem

14

Becca_18star sweetie, I think if these obsessions are seriously affecting your life then you really need to seek help. Counselling would help you find out why you feel like this and help make it better. I think you should seriously consider it. People won't think any less of you, you won't be seen as weak for asking for help, you'll be seen as strong for admitting you need it. :hugs:

Reply 15

OP

Been to counsellor she looked scared and tried to offload me to a teacher "for help in exams". I'm now more worried about my soul. I odn't wanna go to hell or whatever. Like the guy who just dumped me, hes such a slag he must be in limbo or whatever. I am paying for the sex and the abuse of my body through my obsessions.

Reply 16

Apricot Fairy

16

Yeah I think you need to get help. Depends whether you want to stop drinking/smoking/drugs/casual sex etc, or whether you just want to stop feeling guilty about doing it.

Reply 17

Lirael Abhorsen

1

it sounds like a resolution to your problems could be through moderating your lifestyle, as it is obviously causing you emotional and spiritual pain. maybe you need to talk to a vicar or similar spiritual figure, a friend of mine found this a way of moving on through severe emotional hardship. saying that as it seems the people you had sex with knew it was casual so that doesn't sound like you should feel guilty over hurting them at least. as to who the god is ..its hard to know, but a lot of people feel a calling to a particular religion at some stage in their lives.. it might be time to start investigating this. you definitely do not deserve death either. if the thoughts are really obsessive councilling may be a course of action. good luck :smile:

Reply 18

Becca_18star

Markus are u seeking help?

Im not sure to be honest with you, maybe seeing a psychologist?

Reply 19

musicbloke