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Difficulty with "getting over/moving on" watch

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    There is a reason "getting over / moving on" is in apostrophes, I'll get to that in a minute. First, a little background; I have suffered from clinical depression for as long as I can remember (I'm now 20), however I didn't seek any treatment above counselling for it until October last year, when it spiralled hugely and led to several incidents that I'm really not proud of.

    This was triggered by the end of a drawn-out "relationship" (for want of a better word) with a guy on my course. We'd started seeing each other in April, and though at first we both wanted to keep it casual, he quickly began pushing for something more. At the beginning of the summer holidays I'd decided I could trust him enough to let myself get emotionally attached (though I think I might have cared for him already), but no sooner had I said "Yes" to the question "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" he's backing off and pulling out. We keep seeing each other until September, partly out of the fact that I'd probably have done anything to keep the relationship going, and partly the fact that he just wanted to get sex out of it

    Anyway, we went back to uni, and almost immediately he begins seeing someone else. I end up having to leave university because I became too dangerous to myself and I couldn't take being in the same lectures as him.

    Now, obviously, it's February, it's been at least 4 months since it finally ended, and yet I still cannot stand the thought of him with his girlfriend, or indeed just him! I've blocked both of them on my facebook so I don't have to see them, but they still pop up in my friends photos. And it physically makes me feel sick and start crying. I really can't take it, and it's stupid! I've never done this with anyone else before, I don't understand why I'm doing it with him. I know I've been a bit more vulnerable recently, but I'm undergoing a hell of a lot of therapy, which should be helping surely? And I also find myself really wanting to move on and start seeing someone else (the trick is to find someone dumb enough, haven't quite found one yet :rolleyes: ), but at the same time I know my happiness should NOT depend on my relationship status -_- Bit of a catch 22 really - it's like I need a distraction from him. I think I have moved on, in that I'm looking for other people, but I don't feel like I've moved on, especially when you have nightmares about them and a few words on a screen can make you feel horrific again.

    It's hugely frustrating and upsetting to say the least

    Anyway if you've managed to read this far, congratulations :P (have a medal!) I don't really know what I'm looking for, I think I just needed to rant a little bit!
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    :hugs: i am in/have been in a similar position to you. i, like you, have struggled with depression etc. for a longggg time but only recently sort proper help for it. the reason for this was that the end of my long-term relationship (okay, so slightly different..) triggered the worst period i've had in years and i knew i had to do something about it for my own sanity.

    ANYWAY.

    what i will say is that given your own issues, it's natural that you're dealing with this less effectively than you otherwise perhaps would have. in all honesty he sounds like a **** and someone you'll ultimately be glad to be shot of, but i understand that it doesn't feel that way at the moment. was he the first person you'd let in for a while? you obviously felt you could trust him at the time and became very attached, only to have that trust taken away and abused. perhaps it's not really him, but the comfort/safety involved in 'having someone' that you can't get over? depression is a hard thing to go through anyway, but experiencing losing someone during it is awful and can have dreadful consequences - even if the person involved wasn't that great anyway.

    i don't really know what to say because i feel like i'm rambling but i do completely understand how you feel. it's horrible - you want to move on, but at the same time you have no trust/faith in anyone else and everything just hurts. the best advice i can give you is don't blame yourself or sit around contemplating where it all went wrong - it is how it is, and you can't change it. no guy like that is worth the pain/heartache, but i understand how it is because when you're low it's very easy for your relationship to start to become part of your sense of self or whatever. it will get better eventually, i promise you, but for now the only way out is through.

    you've done the right thing by blocking them both on facebook. obviously when you're in similar friendship circles you're always going to see/hear things that you don't want to, but you just have to distance yourself from it and not pay attention. it's hard but it's the only way - i could drive myself insane doing the same but i've chosen not to! i really hope you feel better soon. it's so cliche and i'm only starting to believe it but time really does heal everything. don't focus on finding anyone else just yet - focus on you and everything else will eventually fall into place.
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    Thanks raisin. It is hard to put it succintly isn't it. I think "ARGH!!!" *facepalm* *headbang* would be an appropriate sentiment here.

    It's nice to have someone who sort of knows where I'm coming from. Though at the moment it's last and I can't think of much to say just urgh really! I'll try to think of something more interesting/profound to say in the morning, when I'm more awake :P but thankyou
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    (Original post by Lil Piranha)
    Thanks raisin. It is hard to put it succintly isn't it. I think "ARGH!!!" *facepalm* *headbang* would be an appropriate sentiment here.

    It's nice to have someone who sort of knows where I'm coming from. Though at the moment it's last and I can't think of much to say just urgh really! I'll try to think of something more interesting/profound to say in the morning, when I'm more awake :P but thankyou
    haha oh i'm so with you on the *head bang* thing at the moment; it's exactly what i feel like doing! i hope you're feeling a little better today, and thank you very much for the rep.
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    No problem I've had a good day actually thanks, I made myself get up early and go for a long walk with my dogs, which was nice even though it was bloody cold! Then I got a few little jobs done which made me feel a bit more constructive, then a lot of the day I've been sitting in front of the TV knitting. I'm making a sweater-dress - I like to be doing something when I'm sitting and thinking, even if what I'm brooding on isn't exactly a happy topic, at least I'm getting something creative and nice out of it
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    You have my sympathies with this situation.

    Feel content with yourself first. As for dating, you dont have to date to move on, but if you feel ready go ahead. Keep it up with the therapy and towards getting better. Your health comes first in this issue.

    I cant imagine how hard it must be for you, but eventually, you will see that this guy isn't worthy of you. Keep strong
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    (Original post by Rugar)
    You have my sympathies with this situation.

    Feel content with yourself first. As for dating, you dont have to date to move on, but if you feel ready go ahead. Keep it up with the therapy and towards getting better. Your health comes first in this issue.

    I cant imagine how hard it must be for you, but eventually, you will see that this guy isn't worthy of you. Keep strong
    Thanks Rugar I know it's silly but it does mean a lot.

    (Remind me to rep you tomorrow, I already repped today)
 
 
 
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