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I fail miserably at friendship watch

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    So I've been at uni since 2008. I have a boyfriend here, who I've been with for a year. I'm close friends with my flatmate, but we're both kinda solitary so it's hardly a typical female friendship, plus she's just announced that she's gonna go live with some other friends next year I was good friends with another flatmate but he's dropped out now. I'm friends with my boyfriend's friends, and one of my flatmate's friends, then everyone else... they're just people I might say hi to if I see them in the street, if I can be bothered. The thing is, even if I do see acquaintances, I often avoid or ignore them if possible - it's stupid, why do I WANT to stay in my own little lonely world?

    I sit on my own in lectures and sometimes I go a whole day without speaking to ANYONE, even though I do get out and about. The only people I speak to on a regular basis are my boyfriend and two of my flatmates, I speak to family/friends at home over the phone.

    I've sort of become accustomed to being on my own, but it doesn't stop me feeling lonely all the time I know I should get a job or do something alongside uni and the gym... but I know I won't make friends from it because I never ******* do.

    I'm not ugly or beautiful, boring or crazy, stupid or mega-intelligent. I'm pretty normal-ish, with a slightly weird personality... When I started uni, I was pretty friendly and outgoing, I got on really well with most people I met, but then everyone seemed to be making close friends and I felt more and more alone - now I'm going back to my old shy, withdrawn ways and I absolutely hate it.

    I've resorted to just being a ***** because it makes me feel in control of having no friends, in a way. I just wish I had a circle of people to go out with, I get bored with my boyfriend's friends and my flatmates hardly ever go out.

    I can't wait to graduate next year just to get away from this city and start afresh, it feels like the longer you stagnate somewhere, the less chance you have of making new friends and meeting new people. But I'm scared I'll end up like this forever, in my own little bubble. It sometimes affects my relationship too, because I feel so 'available', because I basically rely on him to take me out - I feel like an old woman, and because I'm jealous that he has friends and I don't.

    Has anyone had a **** experience at uni, friendship-wise, but then things got better when they left? I need hope.
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    Oh and, I find it really hard to get on with/relate to girls. I get on better with boys, but I think they think I'm just flirting with them and I really don't think they like me as a person...
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    I'm happy at University but i've always been the same way. I'm great at meeting new people and talking to them usually, but normally I'll only hang around with / speak to them during lectures and in-between, and not usually go out to clubs / pubs / whatever with them.

    And yes it sucks.. sorry I have nothing helpful to say, but you're not the only one I don't know how to get from that seeing and speaking to them every day thing, to being somebody who goes out or hangs out with them regularly.
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    Well...

    The obvious first step is not to get into the habit of frost-freezing people out. Get into the habit of becoming casper. *shrugs*
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    Hi, i'm in my first year and i'm in a similar situation as you, i sit on my own in lectures and hardly speak to anyone apart from friends and family fromy home, i get on with my flatmates but they have their own friends and keep themselves to themselves when they are in the flat. i only have 2 friends here that i keep in contact with regularly, one of them lives with her parents and another is moving in with friends of her own and has got a house, everybody i talk to has got someone to live with in september and have already got a house, but i'm worried because i haven't got either! i've met lots of different people, but theyre like acquaintances. i've tried making an effort with people but they already have their own friends.

    i think you will be fine once you get out of uni, you will meet new people at your job. or maybe if you get a job at uni you can meet some new people? i always feel like im the only one but i've read your post and i'm glad i'm not!
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    :hugs: i actually really relate to this - or at least, you sound very similar to how i was in sixth form. i was in almost the exact same situation as you, and it was horrible. i used to have lots of friends but as my relationship with my boyfriend progressed, i relied on him a lot more for everything and became quite isolated from everyone else. i was going through a lot at the time, so understandably it was easy for me to just stick with him and not make much of an effort with anything else.

    i wish i could give you the magic answer but i can't. what i will say though is be careful - i thought i'd be fine how i was and that 'everything would work out eventually' but unfortunately what happened was that me and my boyfriend broke up just as we came to uni, and my whole word basically came crashing down. obviously i wasn't in the mood to be overly social during the first few weeks and i do think that's had an impact on my time here so far - i'm not as settled as i otherwise would be. now i'm in the position of wanting to say to people 'look! i'm normal and i'm not anti-social - i was just really heartbroken at the time' but it's not always as simple as that.

    i think you just have to start making more of an effort if you really want to make more friends. it sounds silly and will feel silly at first, but just take every opportunity you can to talk to people/do things. don't wait until you leave - i was going to 'wait until university' and look where that got me. :rolleyes: start now - can you hang out with your boyfriend's friends at all? try and spend a bit more time with your flatmates? i empathise with the bit about girls and guys 'cause i'm the same - but not every girl's a ***** and not every guy will think you want to sleep with them. good luck and i hope it gets better soon.
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    nz
 
 
 
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