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Divorce is the symptom, MARRIAGE is the problem watch

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    (Original post by Amirahaha)
    Other than tax breaks and exemptions, being married gives you the same rights as blood-related family members. In other words, visitation rights in hospital, inheritance rights (without the presence of a will), better ability in getting a mortgage, easier adoption process, things about organ donation (something about only able to get organs from immediate family or something). And something like if your partner is under police custody or in a horrible accident and they contact your next of kin. Without you being the legal spouse, you wont automatically be notified. Legally, you're not family. And if your partner has a kid from another partner (so the same way as you being stepdad, think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) and your partner dies, you won't get custody without a lengthy legal battle. There's probably more, but I'm not too sure. Need Google.
    Really? I would have thought that any family-precedence involved in organ donation would be a result of the body being less likely to reject an organ if it is from someone genetically related to them.

    I mean maybe you're right - but it seems a bit strange to me that marriage has an effect on whose organs one can inherit
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    (Original post by CommonPeople)
    I don't believe high divorce rates are a problem. It's a sign that people don't feel pressured into staying in relationships that aren't working. I don't think 'society' should dictate what individual couples should do. People change. It's a fact. When they get married they believe that their relationship will last. Many people ignored the simple truth that people can't see into the future.

    In the case of children I find that people are continuously being told these days about the importance of married parents on a child's welfare, which I agree with, if the couple are happy. However, I believe it is much more damaging for a person to be living in an environment where the parents are conflicting and abusive to eachother, than for them to be in a peaceful household minus one parent. It's a lesser of two evils, in my opinion.

    Aside from that, in my own experience, I don't think I'd be able to have any kind of relationship with my father if he hadn't left. He was an agry man, and I spent my early childhood tiptoeing around him and trying not to cause an argument between him and my mother. I was happy when it ended.

    Not all cases are like this, but I wanted to point out the adverse effects that staying together can have.
    Yeah, people are going about it the wrong way by keeping couples married. That's why I strongly disagree for divorce laws to be made stricter. And while people would still get married and just as easily as today divorce, I want to reduce the ability for people who get married just because "we can just divorce later if it doesn't work" or "oh we're so in love eventhough we're only 17 but really we're sure <3." It would not affect people who get married and have their marriage break down later on due to their own respective reasons. That's fine, and they have the option. But if society want marriage to be this sacred union for life, then they better treat it that way by only enabling people who are serious about it get married.

    That or just not pay attention to divorce rates.
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    (Original post by Amirahaha)
    Other than tax breaks and exemptions, being married gives you the same rights as blood-related family members. In other words, visitation rights in hospital, inheritance rights (without the presence of a will), better ability in getting a mortgage, easier adoption process, things about organ donation (something about only able to get organs from immediate family or something). And something like if your partner is under police custody or in a horrible accident and they contact your next of kin. Without you being the legal spouse, you wont automatically be notified. Legally, you're not family. And if your partner has a kid from another partner (so the same way as you being stepdad, think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) and your partner dies, you won't get custody without a lengthy legal battle. There's probably more, but I'm not too sure. Need Google.
    So in some ways I was right. It's an insurance policy. It helps you when something goes wrong. But that doesn't just include when the relationship itself goes wrong.
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    (Original post by tazarooni89)
    Really? I would have thought that any family-precedence involved in organ donation would be a result of the body being less likely to reject an organ if it is from someone genetically related to them.

    I mean maybe you're right - but it seems a bit strange to me that marriage has an effect on whose organs one can inherit
    Not actually organ donation, more like kidney swaps- living organ donations. That's why people have three-way organ transplants, only loved ones are able to donate their organs to the patient with organ failure- the reasoning is more on ethics and minimising coercion. Three-way (or more) transplants is a way around where the couples or relatives have incompatible blood/tissues but another donor/recipient couple matches up. You can read about a case here

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7338437.stm ('Six-way' kidney transplant first- BBCNews)
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    (Original post by Amirahaha)
    Yeah, people are going about it the wrong way by keeping couples married. That's why I strongly disagree for divorce laws to be made stricter. And while people would still get married and just as easily as today divorce, I want to reduce the ability for people who get married just because "we can just divorce later if it doesn't work" or "oh we're so in love eventhough we're only 17 but really we're sure <3." It would not affect people who get married and have their marriage break down later on due to their own respective reasons. That's fine, and they have the option. But if society want marriage to be this sacred union for life, then they better treat it that way by only enabling people who are serious about it get married.

    That or just not pay attention to divorce rates.
    In my own opinion, I would say that the majority of marriages aren't of this scenario, and though I agree that people should put deeper consideration into marriage, I don't think eliminating these types of couples would make a huge difference.
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    (Original post by Psyk)
    So in some ways I was right. It's an insurance policy. It helps you when something goes wrong. But that doesn't just include when the relationship itself goes wrong.
    Sort of, my point being is that marriage gives you legal rights (especially when it comes to money) that supplement the relationship. It gives you blood-related relative status/immediate family status. Additionally, it probably deals with the income you earn while together, since usually marriage is a prelude to starting a family. The assets you accumulate later are jointly owned/ paid (house, etc.) and any children is a joint responsibility and the law protects that, especially after divorce (it's effectiveness is debatable. So if you want to look at it that way, yes, marriage is a form of self preservation. And it's perfectly justified to do that since people aren't exactly the happy bunnies that they are all the time. If ever.
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    (Original post by CommonPeople)
    In my own opinion, I would say that the majority of marriages aren't of this scenario, and though I agree that people should put deeper consideration into marriage, I don't think eliminating these types of couples would make a huge difference.
    I'd like to say people who get married for frivolous or reasons that are not in line with the view that marriage should be a long term union if not life. I accept that there are two massive flaws in this opinion though; a) implementing the rules or even defining the rules much less who gets to say what and b) the impact on divorced couples (possibly being stigmatised more).
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    People get together, people break up but why does it matter what you call it? Making getting married more difficult simply for the sake of reducing divorce rates is stupid. Surely it would be more worthwhile looking into what puts a strain on marriages in the first place, stress, long working hours etc. That is all assuming that marriage is some sort of default position that we're all supposed to aspire to.
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    For some strange reason, it seems to be just the British way of life... Getting divorced after the age of 40 seems to be popular for some people. For example, my uncle and aunt where getting along fine... one day... they decided to get a divorce. It's not just family, I've seen it everywhere.

    (Some foreign governments are tighting up divorce laws. Making it really hard to get a divorce under stupid circumstances as “its just not the same as before.” I'm taken they see how bad its spun out of control.)

    Sorry to say, but the destruction of family bonds died 50 years ago. My little cousin calls his father by his first name.

    Raising a kid a ******* is the next big thing apparently. Makes me sick, but its true. I know its been said a million times already, but it truly is T.V's, movies, and general advertising of fake lifestyles that have turned to world into what it is today. Exposure of what was un-humanly and extra ordinary some time ago, is now just pure... ordinary.

    (What ever happen to love? Most marriages are ended due to financial problems. Which is a terrible reason to separate from your husband or wife... It truly is. A pussies way out.)
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    How should I say... Marriage amongst the youth is seen as big expensive unpayable weddings, with big white dresses. And if a man can't provide that, most women of today's age would see that as in insult to one another's love.

    What ever happened to getting married and staying happy? Not burning away your life savings on a stupid fancy weding just to show off that will add nothing but misery into a relationship for being broke and in debt for years to come? Think about it... Wouldn't it be smarter if you kept that money for your family... Perhaps teamed up and saved some more and opened a biz a few years down the line? Then kick back and relax after a few years of some struggle? **** yeah I would.

    My uncle got married at the age 34... He blew 30 ******* GRAND ON A WEDDING!!! 30 grand!!

    The girl I find to get married to, should get prepared to have a in-house marriage with just a couple of friends and family as witnesses. Just my view on things, sorry for bragging.
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    (Original post by Bluelight)
    Marriage is the symptom, monogamy is the problem. More people who are prone to cheating need to own up and be honest and just be single, or be in an open relationship, BOOM problem solved. Why Footballers don't do this is beyond me.
    In one of my lectures yesterday my professer was talking about relative testes size in mammals (stay with me here...) and monogamous mammals have smaller testicles relaitve to body size than polygamous mammals. Anyway, my point is that humans fall much much closer to the polygamous range than the mongamous, so maybe we're genetically designed to cheat?
    Or maybe not, maybe our males are just cooler lol
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    SOCIETY is the problem (broken), high divorce rates are the SYMPTOM. I blame feminism and liberalism for the current predicament.
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    Marriage I think has a weird claustophobic effect on some people. When 2 people are going out, it seems great to them, they are liking each others company and falling in love, then out of the feeling of love they may decide to get married and weirdly the relationship changes, they get more frustrated, the partner isn't as fun as they used to be etc.

    I think this happens because of that underlying legal pressure to be together. It is like writing an essay just for fun, then having to do the same essay for an important exam, the pressure can make a world of difference to your attitude and your frame of mind. Some relationships are not destined to lead to marriage because the two people prefer being independent and not feel this legal obligation to be together.

    It is a buzzkill to some relationships that's foundation is purely emotional and not practical, if they only marry out of the feeling of love, it is destined to break down because they haven't taken into consideration the practical implications of marriage which is the fault of the people married not the institution itself. Marriage is purely a legal thing, it is your choice (hopefully) to get married and you need to understand that with this supposedly long term commitment you'll have to deal with problems, change, sacrifice within the relationship.
    Some people do not realise this and as soon as they hit an obstacle they let it rip their relationship apart because they thought it would be perfect because to them what they felt for that person was perfect. But there is no such thing as the perfect world where people are together and nothing bad ever happens, to really have a happy life you gotta work past the issues that will come, daily, weekly and annually, and you gotta stand ground and say "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE" because it's basically survivial of the fittest, those who are strong enough to deal with the issues that come their way will have more things to be proud of in their life.

    If this was too long, my basic point was that marriage isn't for everyone. My parents have been together for over 20 years and not married but I have this feeling that if they were married, they'd be divorced already.
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    Getting married, in my opinion, is too easy to do. Many couples dont realise the work that must be put in to a marriage to make it work. I"ve been married for almost 14 years, and I have to say that all of them have been very happy years, but thats because myself and my husband work at it together. We have both compromised, communicated and stood together when things have happened around us.Our wedding was a tiny little one in a registry office, we hardly spent anything at all, but it was what we both wanted.
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    (Original post by Mrvn)
    How should I say... Marriage amongst the youth is seen as big expensive unpayable weddings, with big white dresses. And if a man can't provide that, most women of today's age would see that as in insult to one another's love.

    What ever happened to getting married and staying happy? Not burning away your life savings on a stupid fancy weding just to show off that will add nothing but misery into a relationship for being broke and in debt for years to come? Think about it... Wouldn't it be smarter if you kept that money for your family... Perhaps teamed up and saved some more and opened a biz a few years down the line? Then kick back and relax after a few years of some struggle? Fcuk yeah I would.

    My uncle got married at the age 34... He blew 30 FCUKING GRAND ON A WEDDING!!! 30 grand!!

    The girl I find to get married to, should get prepared to have a in-house marriage with just a couple of friends and family as witnesses. Just my view on things, sorry for bragging.

    Have to agree and also... what happened to the brides father putting his hand in his pocket ,rather than the poor groom.....who is doing him a favour in taking a woman off his hands.

    I mean look at Sarah Palin and Todd, got married at a registry office with witness's from the local old peoples home.

    If you are in love thats all that should matter.The problem is too many women these days feel they should be princess's.Have unreasonable expectations regarding their future husband and if they don't get an extremely expensive wedding they can't be a princess. It's strange how equality hasn't stretched into relationships in certain directions.... Why can't the female (if her father paying the lot is old hat) pay 50 percent of the cost?

    In actual fact ,there as been inaccuracy here. According to studies just out, the divorce rate is going down amongst middle aged people but rising amongst younger people. No doubt partly because of unreasonable expectations in the female.
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    You're a different person at the age of twenty and the age of fifty. People change, it's completely natural. You can, at the age of twenty, be desperately in love with somebody and planning to spend the rest of your life with them - and at the age of fifty be a different person with different aims and goals, and your partner also be a different person.
    That doesn't undermine your intentions or your love for that person when you were younger - but you're a different person now - in the same way that your friends that you thought you'd be friends for life with when you were younger can drift away and apart.

    Marriage for life is a brilliant ideal in the 1600s, when life expectancy meant marriage lasted twenty-five years if you're lucky - but it can now mean up to and over 60 years.

    I fundamentally don't think that marriage should be for life. If it lasts for life, that's wonderful and you're very, very lucky, but people shouldn't be criticised for not making that relationship work.
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    Getting married, in my opinion, is too easy to do. Many couples dont realise the work that must be put in to a marriage to make it work. I"ve been married for almost 14 years, and I have to say that all of them have been very happy years, but thats because myself and my husband work at it together. We have both compromised, communicated and stood together when things have happened around us.Our wedding was a tiny little one in a registry office, we hardly spent anything at all, but it was what we both wanted.
    But it's not really the marriage that's difficult is it. It's the relationship. The fact that you are legally married isn't really all that relevant, what's difficult is being in a long term monogamous relationship, perhaps with kids. So if we made it difficult for people to get married, it's not solving anything, it's just hiding the problem. If they couldn't get married there's nothing to stop them living together and settling down and having kids. And when the relationship goes sour it means there won't be any official record of it.
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    (Original post by Psyk)
    But it's not really the marriage that's difficult is it. It's the relationship. The fact that you are legally married isn't really all that relevant, what's difficult is being in a long term monogamous relationship, perhaps with kids. So if we made it difficult for people to get married, it's not solving anything, it's just hiding the problem. If they couldn't get married there's nothing to stop them living together and settling down and having kids. And when the relationship goes sour it means there won't be any official record of it.
    Good point. But I guess the difficult thing, in any relationship whether people are married or not, is how to keep the it alive and make sure things dont become sour.
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    Make it tougher to get married and tougher to get divorced imo.

    One of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high is that getting a divorce is as easy as buying a lottery ticket. Unsurprisingly then, the lightest little bump in the road, and many couples do not feel compelled to work at resolving their differences.
 
 
 
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