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Re-activating former, crazy date to fight loneliness watch

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    I'm a guy (23) and have been single for about nine months now. In October last year I started to date a girl, three years older than me. She was quite cute in the beginning and beautiful. We got more intimate fast (spending the night on the third date), though I'd have liked to take more time. Then she became clingy and started telling me that she wouldn't want me to meet female friends without her anymore, to call her and say goodnight every evening we wouldn't spend together, spending (almost) all my spare time with her and so on. You get the idea, I suppose...

    This scared me quite much and I ended it before we got too close by telling her that I wasn't over my former girlfriend (which is true, to some extent). She wasn't very happy but we stopped having contact without me being stabbed in the back in the weeks afterwards.

    Between Christmas and NYE I wrote her a letter, stating that I was sorry how it turned out (she had quite bad experiences before which was probably the reason she became so clingy and she was truly happy with me in the 2 weeks we saw each other a couple of times), because, after all, she's a nice person and was very lonely. She didn't respond to it.

    Now I'm thinking of calling her. To be honest, I'm lonely as well. Not in social terms, but I miss being more intimate with someone (not even sex so much but cuddling, sleeping next to each other etc.). We had a very good time together. I'd make clear that I didn't want a relationship, but just spend some time together to avoid being alone.

    Is this reasonable? Am I an idiot? What might she think?
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    :lol: at 'reactivating', as if she was some kind of game. I think your attitude is wrong.
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    Re kindling your aquaintence, yes why not. As long as you make it clear that you don't want to go back to how things were before.
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    you're an idiot.

    you said yourself that she had bad past experiences which led her to be clingy, yet you want to go chasing after her again (after breaking things off, and possibly hurting her quite a bit) just because you're lonely? :rolleyes:

    sorry but that's out of line. if you genuinely feel bad about what happened between you two and you like her as a person then great, but let her get on with her life. if she is prone to being clingy, then rekindling anything (even if you both had a mutual agreement) would ultimately only end badly again. it's not a good idea for either of you; just don't go there.

    if you're lonely then get out and about more and meet new people. everyone who's single gets lonely and wants a cuddle at times, but i guess that's what pets etc. are for. :p:
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    (Original post by raisin.)
    you're an idiot.

    you said yourself that she had bad past experiences which led her to be clingy, yet you want to go chasing after her again (after breaking things off, and possibly hurting her quite a bit) just because you're lonely? :rolleyes:

    sorry but that's out of line. if you genuinely feel bad about what happened between you two and you like her as a person then great, but let her get on with her life. if she is prone to being clingy, then rekindling anything (even if you both had a mutual agreement) would ultimately only end badly again. it's not a good idea for either of you; just don't go there.

    if you're lonely then get out and about more and meet new people. everyone who's single gets lonely and wants a cuddle at times, but i guess that's what pets etc. are for. :p:
    I'd consider myself being clingy at times, too. And, still, I'd appreciate this offer. And I'm quite sure that she's feeling more lonely.

    The reason I'm considering it is that I don't want to spend weeks if not months on getting to know someone for a hug (somehow I usually end up with this kind of girls). I don't want a ONS; or sex at all. Maybe I had just bad luck, but so far I haven't found a girl that wanted to cuddle intensively without sex in the first weeks/months.
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    good on u son, y not? just dont break her heart and it should be game
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd consider myself being clingy at times, too. And, still, I'd appreciate this offer. And I'm quite sure that she's feeling more lonely.

    The reason I'm considering it is that I don't want to spend weeks if not months on getting to know someone for a hug (somehow I usually end up with this kind of girls). I don't want a ONS; or sex at all. Maybe I had just bad luck, but so far I haven't found a girl that wanted to cuddle intensively without sex in the first weeks/months.
    yes but no matter how clingy or lonely you consider yourself to be at times, that doesn't give you the right to take advantage of her loneliness - no matter how lonely she is. i fail to see how offering her a cuddle but no relationship/stability is going to make her feel any better? it might make you feel better, but that's just you having a selfish motive.

    i'm not trying to be a ***** - i understand that you feel lonely too and i also believe you that it's not about sex, but that's besides the point. there's a reason that girls don't want to cuddle intensively during the first weeks; cuddling signifies intimacy and closeness - two things that are part of a relationship. if you're really craving this then why not get out there, be yourself and find yourself a nice new girl who you click with and you can potentially forge a relationship with?

    if that's not what you want then, as i said, you just have to deal with it. find a close female friend maybe for a hug - but not her. she sounds vulnerable enough and there's past history there which is never good.
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    I don't think she'll go for it as she clearly wants alotta committment lol (taking up all ur time and that) and i dont see her going for it...sounds like being used tbh kinda 'can i have all the physical stuff from a relationship without actually having to be with u'

    edit: that cam accross alot more harsh than i meant it lol i know being lonely sucks and i get why ud want this
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    I get your point and it's the one that kept me from doing so yet.

    I guess I have to continue searching for a girl that doesn't want an ONS but would like to give you more than a hand during the first 10 dates... I hope they are out there.
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    If you care for her, then call her. If you don't, I don't think that missing intimacy is enough of a reason to restart dating someone so obviously emotionally attached to you/needy and clingy. If she was more laid back and could cope with the sort of relationship you need and want, then I'd say go for it - but she's obviously not, and you know it!
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    i think that you made a pretty ridiculous proposition tbh. you want to use her basically, until you find someone you acutally want to be with, and then they can take away your lonleyness.
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    (Original post by Ham22)
    i think that you made a pretty ridiculous proposition tbh. you want to use her basically, until you find someone you acutally want to be with, and then they can take away your lonleyness.
    If I wanted to use her, I'd tell her that I wanted to try it again because now I was over my ex.

    I still don't completely understand why a (possible) mutual agreement to be less lonely while waiting for the partner we both seek.

    Moreover, if I'd focused on sex, there probably wouldn't have been many complaints. Is it really worth less than some cuddling nowadays? Wow. Times have changed.
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    you're an idiot. you. are. going. to. use. her.

    to repeat. it is a RIDICULOUS idea.
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    (Original post by Ham22)
    you're an idiot. you. are. going. to. use. her.

    to repeat. it is a RIDICULOUS idea.
    What happened to you? :confused:

    Need someone to hug you? :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What happened to you? :confused:

    Need someone to hug you? :rolleyes:
    Can't you see? She needs meat.
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    Go for it.

    But if you have any small pets you probably want to send them to a friend or relative before calling her. Because they'd get boiled.
 
 
 
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