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Too clingy or she doesn't care? watch

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    Well the title may be exaggerating with "she doesn't care" but it's something that I've noticed for a bit now and become a bit of a problem. My girlfriend of 7 months is always saying she's busy and sometimes it's understandable but other times I feel like she puts me at the bottom of the pile - I'll try explain:

    She suggested we should meet up (which I should say is quite rare) so we tried to match up when we're free and she's busy for so long but she said Saturday she can see me which is cool. A few days later though I'm talking about it and she says she may actually not be free (even though she told me we'd meet up Saturday). She says she has "Sat - busy" written on her hand but she doesn't even know why. Now that makes it even worse because surely it can't be that important if she can't even remember it but I just feel like she doesn't prioritise me AT ALL! It's like we made plans and she's then saying she is busy if new plans come along - I mean what the hell?

    Is this me wanting to see her too much or her not caring that much if she does? What makes it worse is that we live really close but maybe see each other max once a week or something - it's far too little surely?
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    She doesn't sound like shes making an effort at all. Have you talked to her about it and told her how you feel?
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    I did this with my ex. I honestly was busy, but the more clingy he became, the busier I decided to become. I just didn't want to have to listen to another phone call about how he missed me etc after only seeing me the day before. Yes, I'm a cold hearted *****, I just don't like clingyness and need my space. And as I actually was busy, I didn't have the time to listen to these hour long phone calls.

    OP, she probably is busy, some people just are really busy people. I had so much work to do and so little time, that like it not, I couldn't see him. In the end though, it turned out we were too different to be able to have a relationship, so that might have played a part in it.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I did this with my ex. I honestly was busy, but the more clingy he became, the busier I decided to become. I just didn't want to have to listen to another phone call about how he missed me etc after only seeing me the day before. Yes, I'm a cold hearted *****, I just don't like clingyness and need my space. And as I actually was busy, I didn't have the time to listen to these hour long phone calls.

    OP, she probably is busy, some people just are really busy people. I had so much work to do and so little time, that like it not, I couldn't see him. In the end though, it turned out we were too different to be able to have a relationship, so that might have played a part in it.
    Yes but this isn't one day apart - it's like a week apart and we live very close which makes it worse. I do understand if she's busy with work and I never annoy her with that but if she says she'll see me Saturday then a friend says "Hey, wanna meet up Saturday?" and she then says she's busy to me I'll find that sad.

    She's said before she's busy on a certain day with work and we haven't seen each other in a while and then she'll end up forgetting the work and going out with a friend. I mean, a friend you see every day at school over a boyfriend you haven't seen in a week? I'm sorry but I would choose her if I had the same option - just makes more sense.
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    maybe try ignoring her for a few days? sounds harsh but maybe she'll realise how selfish shes being.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes but this isn't one day apart - it's like a week apart and we live very close which makes it worse. I do understand if she's busy with work and I never annoy her with that but if she says she'll see me Saturday then a friend says "Hey, wanna meet up Saturday?" and she then says she's busy to me I'll find that sad.

    She's said before she's busy on a certain day with work and we haven't seen each other in a while and then she'll end up forgetting the work and going out with a friend. I mean, a friend you see every day at school over a boyfriend you haven't seen in a week? I'm sorry but I would choose her if I had the same option - just makes more sense.
    Oh no, the phone calls started the next day, not that we saw each other every other day! He wanted to see me everyday and said he missed me only hours after seeing him :dry: He was a nice enough guy, but we just weren't the right types of people for each other...

    Well, if she's seeing friends, maybe ask her nicely why? Or arrange a nice special date or something? I can understand wanting time away from buy/girlfriends every now and again, but if she's continually seeing friends after telling you she'll see you, maybe you should ask her why?
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    Romantics will give me a kicking for this but it sounds like the hourglass is about to run out of sand on your relationship. Get in there first and stick her on the train to Dumpsville. Then get yourself back on the market
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    i know this will sound like a stupid advice but trust me it works and i know, what u have to do is like not ask to be with her for like a while then pretend to have plans with friends and all and when she asks to be with you first time she does just say im going to like town with friends and then she will try be with you more, its a psychological thing but really does help. coz my gf wasnt that hyped up to see me and i was but then i rpetend for few days to have plans which i did with friends instead then when i saw her next time she was more into me.
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    Dump her before she dumps you
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    Guys I honestly don't think she is gonna dump me or anything. When we do meet up we spend an awesome time together and we do love each other but things like these do worry me.
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    This is scary, exactly same position myself
    I personally dont see the point in being in a relationship where you only see each other a few hours a week!

    So its got to either change or the relationship will just fall into nothing
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    Please DON'T ignore her like somebody else suggested! Ignoring someone is a very cheap shot, and really should be avoided at all costs. Instead, I think you should do what other people have suggested and leave it for a bit. Just be very very busy, and show her you have a life outside of her. Nobody wants to be with someone with no life, and it might be a bit off-putting for her if she thinks you're waiting around to see her all the time! Show her that you have friends too! You shouldn't always have to make the effort
    • #4
    #4

    Guys guys guys, I was in EXACTLY the same position a few weeks ago.

    Unfortunately, it's very rare that a relationship will be completely balanced - in terms of how much you like eachother. In the vast majority of relationships, one person will like the other more than the other like them (for me and my current girldfriend of 8 months, i'm clearly the more 'clingy' of the two).

    As I said, I had this exact problem - of an apparent lack of interest/input from her, and it got me quite frustrated.

    But, I simply decided to try and do what she was doing, spending plenty of time with my friends, with myself, and generally not trying to contact her so much, and not being the first to text her each day etc.

    Over time, it became much easier to stop thinking so much about her, and now our relationship is so much healthier, and I know we're both much happier with things...
    As a result, we are seeing eachother more consistently and generally life is better!

    SO, basically... try and take a step back for a while, maybe for a week or two, and it'll do two things -
    Firstly it'll make you more comfortable NOT thinking about her and being annoyed at her so often
    Secondly, it's almost like you're playing hard to get, which, on a psychological level, generally makes them more interested


    Good luck!
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guys guys guys, I was in EXACTLY the same position a few weeks ago.

    Unfortunately, it's very rare that a relationship will be completely balanced - in terms of how much you like eachother. In the vast majority of relationships, one person will like the other more than the other like them (for me and my current girldfriend of 8 months, i'm clearly the more 'clingy' of the two).

    As I said, I had this exact problem - of an apparent lack of interest/input from her, and it got me quite frustrated.

    But, I simply decided to try and do what she was doing, spending plenty of time with my friends, with myself, and generally not trying to contact her so much, and not being the first to text her each day etc.

    Over time, it became much easier to stop thinking so much about her, and now our relationship is so much healthier, and I know we're both much happier with things...
    As a result, we are seeing eachother more consistently and generally life is better!

    SO, basically... try and take a step back for a while, maybe for a week or two, and it'll do two things -
    Firstly it'll make you more comfortable NOT thinking about her and being annoyed at her so often
    Secondly, it's almost like you're playing hard to get, which, on a psychological level, generally makes them more interested


    Good luck!
    Hmmm
    Its good advice, and got to agree im the more 'clingy' but I dont feel the need to see her every day, nor even speak to her every day.
    I just get really really irritated when she can't make time for me.
    And when we do spend time together its brilliant, but its never for that long! (like 4-5 hrs tops)
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    Sounds very much like she's on the verge of breaking up with you. Even if things seem good when you're with her, you dont know how she's feeling inside. If it's always you who plans meeting, and she is making no effort, that is a very bad sign, no matter how "busy" she says she is. Just wondering, how long has she been acting like this, has it always been like this or did it change at some point?
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    Guess in my case she has always been like that
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    (Original post by thatsjustit)
    Sounds very much like she's on the verge of breaking up with you. Even if things seem good when you're with her, you dont know how she's feeling inside. If it's always you who plans meeting, and she is making no effort, that is a very bad sign, no matter how "busy" she says she is. Just wondering, how long has she been acting like this, has it always been like this or did it change at some point?
    Well right at the beginning it was all new and different so it wasn't like that but I think we fell into this sort of routine where I'd be the one organising stuff. I mean I can admit that may be my fault that I've made her feel like I'll always be the one organising when we can meet.

    I mean, I just think she is genuinely more busy than I am which is fair enough but all I'm asking for is some more compromise.

    I will try and be more busy though for a week or two and see how that goes. Not ignoring her but not always having to initiate contact.
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    (Original post by thatsjustit)
    Sounds very much like she's on the verge of breaking up with you. Even if things seem good when you're with her, you dont know how she's feeling inside. If it's always you who plans meeting, and she is making no effort, that is a very bad sign, no matter how "busy" she says she is. Just wondering, how long has she been acting like this, has it always been like this or did it change at some point?
    This is 100% true. Sorry OP...
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    Busy is ******** in my opinion. Some people just like to feel important, but everyone has free time - 'cept most of us waste it on stupid stuff like the internet. My boyfriend's sometimes like, 'Oh, I'm so busy, got so much work to do' and then he'll just piss about on Facebook for an hour. Is your time together usually 'down-time' or do you do stuff, like go out for meals or whatever? Down-time might make her feel more relaxed when she's with you, but doing stuff might also give her that 'I'm busy and therefore important' feeling she seems to like.

    Once a week is pretty... infrequent. I don't like spending all my time with my boyfriend, but he lives close too and if I was only seeing him once a week I'd be pretty :hmmm:

    Maybe you're too 'available'. Start being busy and she might want you more, but then again that is playing games. But don't prioritise her if she won't prioritise you.
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    (Original post by elixira)
    Busy is ******** in my opinion. Some people just like to feel important, but everyone has free time - 'cept most of us waste it on stupid stuff like the internet. My boyfriend's sometimes like, 'Oh, I'm so busy, got so much work to do' and then he'll just piss about on Facebook for an hour. Is your time together usually 'down-time' or do you do stuff, like go out for meals or whatever? Down-time might make her feel more relaxed when she's with you, but doing stuff might also give her that 'I'm busy and therefore important' feeling she seems to like.

    Once a week is pretty... infrequent. I don't like spending all my time with my boyfriend, but he lives close too and if I was only seeing him once a week I'd be pretty :hmmm:

    Maybe you're too 'available'. Start being busy and she might want you more, but then again that is playing games. But don't prioritise her if she won't prioritise you.
    We usually end up going to her house and just end up staying in her bedroom. Talking or making out etc. We don't go out that often I must admit.
 
 
 
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