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Im old, never had a life and don't know whether I'l cope with this

I don't know if I really am a freak or if Im making a mountain out of a molehill. Im 25 and have never had any proper friends and have always been the anxious type. I went to uni when I was 18/19 (after not speaking to anyone except 1 friend throughout college) and started getting very anxious on the bus on the way to lectures that Id turn back and go back home. At this point my parents were yelling everynight saying that I can't keep doing this and I went to the doctors, had councilling severel times about the anxiety.

Anyway one time I was on my back from lectures and fainted on the street because of period cramps. Id had enough and thought Id try a fresh start so changed courses but I still got really anxious thinking I was going to faint in lectures Im not sure if I brought it on myself or if was out of my control but councilling just made me feel worse I felt even more down cause I felt like a freak. Anyway Ive done scraps of work since then, getting anxious on and off and avoiding work basically Ive spent the last 4 years living with parents, sleeping till 3pm and being up all night on the internet. The only social thing Ive done is go football training 3 times a week but Im very quiet and haven't made friends with anyone Im just known as the quiet teammate/player.

I feel as though I could cope with life if I really push myself and Im starting uni again soon doing childrens nursing and have a 3 month contract to live in accomodation (I didn't want the full year cause im only 40 mins away from home and if I hate accomodation not much money will be lost). I still feel a bit unsure though Ive no idea if I'l cope or not really Ive never moved away from home (pathetic I know) but am hoping a few months living with other students might somehow make me more confident/less anxious. However this could work the other way I could hate it and find it too weird, come running back home and lose confidence.

So I just wanted some advice is what Im doing the best thing or will it be too much do you think after all these years living basically like a recluse? I know 25 is getting on and Im far from mature for my age as you will have guessed but then Ive never had any friends I can really connect with. Just wanted some advice :o:

Ive read stories about students getting too anxious and depressed because of the demands of university that they have to quit and Im thinking how on earth am I going to go on then. All my friends have their own houses, kids Im still living like a 14 year old which is my fault for being too much of a wimp to push through the anxiety I just don't think rationally. In fact last week I was crying at night (with the pressure of not having a life at my age) with plans to, trash the house run away and live in the wild somewhere. Most would say Im pathetic yes.

Reply 1

LittleBill

10

Anonymous

plans to, trash the house run away and live in the wild somewhere.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that made me laugh.

But on a more serious note, moving out might be just what you need. A change of scenery, a new beginning so to speak. All I can really suggest is you try and make a connection with the people you live with and hopefully that will really make the difference. I know that I made a tonne more friends at uni than I did in school. It's a real mixed bag.

Good luck OP.

Reply 2

damos92

Nah you aint old. You could live what you've lived, another 3 times potentially. Imagine all the things you could do and experience by then.

Reply 3

JellyBean123

11

You arent old! Three girls in the house next door to me are 25-26!

I think it was a smart decision with the three month contract, if you are unsure about living away from home. University is a really great experience, and try not to let your earlier bad experience put you off. Some people just arent ready for uni at 18/19.

And yes it can be hard to seem confident and make friends, but everyone is in the same boat, and you just have to put on a bit of a brave face and act confident for a week or two. Just be open and friendly, you'll find people you click with eventually.

And, even if you dont like it and end up dropping out, university just isnt for everyone. But at least give it a decent try.

Reply 4

WEB

12

i dont know how to solve your problem and i dont know much about you but maybe you should try to be more optimistic about your future. you are young, and you can do whatever you want with your life - it might be hard for you to go to uni but its at least worth the try. maybe try to get to the root of your anxiety - therapy/GP? anyway OP i wish you the best

Reply 5

Starless Eyes

jakeee

i dont give a toss about you, but nothing warrants writing an essay THAT long.

Don't read it and move on then.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

LittleBill

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that made me laugh.

But on a more serious note, moving out might be just what you need. A change of scenery, a new beginning so to speak. All I can really suggest is you try and make a connection with the people you live with and hopefully that will really make the difference. I know that I made a tonne more friends at uni than I did in school. It's a real mixed bag.

Good luck OP.

Thanks, I'l just go and see how things turn out :p:

Reply 7

ABeautifulMind

6

Since when was 25 old? Go see a councillor, move out, and get a hold of your life!

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

moving away doesn't make a difference. trust me. i have social anxiety and i thought moving away would helpp but it didnt

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

moving away doesn't make a difference. trust me. i have social anxiety and i thought moving away would helpp but it didnt

hm didn't it help or give you more confidence in other ways? Im not sure I even have social anxiety its more like a phobia of commitment/feeling trapped/being away from home I guess.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

ABeautifulMind

Since when was 25 old? Go see a councillor, move out, and get a hold of your life!

Its old compared to confident 18 year olds :o:

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

hm didn't it help or give you more confidence in other ways? Im not sure I even have social anxiety its more like a phobia of commitment/feeling trapped/being away from home I guess.

University is not a magic cure, or some sort of eraser of problems past for people with anxiety disorders. Arguably, it can intensify the feelings - at least at first. I went to Uni at 21 after suffering from panic attacks, which prevented me from staying at Uni when i was 18. I still had those attacks, especially in the first few weeks, buti struggled through. Eventually the panic settled down, but i went through periods of depression and anxiety throughout my university life when stress got too much. Although University was a good experience regardless, i made a few good friends and excelled at my course. You also need to be realistic and accept that you're not suddenly going to be a normal functioning person overnight. It's going to be a life long battle, and we both have to step up to it. :smile:

Reply 12

Jim-ie

14

Use to have crippling anxiety, probably as bad as you, got rid of it a couple of years ago when I was 21, PM me if you want advice since I dont know who you are, itll take a lot more writing back and forth than I can possibly do at this hour.

I will say this; it will never fully go away, itll pop up the odd time, but there are ways to deal with it. For me it pops up after I socialise for long hours (i.e parties).

Reply 13

ABeautifulMind

6

Anonymous

Its old compared to confident 18 year olds :o:

But why compare yourself to 18 year olds? Live in the moment and realise that you are actually young, and appreciate the fact that you are trying to do something about your life now and not when your 40. 25 is still a baby, these should be the best years of your life! So some people have kids, so what? Some 25 year olds are out clubbing and don't plan to settle down till well into their 30's. Do what makes YOU happy.

EDIT: How about doing an Open University degree at home ( I currently am doing this) you can focus your attention on your studies and try socialising in situations you can be more confident in (say a hobby, a class at the gym etc) and build on the anxiety issues without interference on your education?

Reply 14

Dynamitri

14

LittleBill

But on a more serious note, moving out might be just what you need.

Quite unlikely, tbh. From my own experience I know that it's more often than not not in the slightest helpful. You move out, and do the same mistakes all over again.

Seriously - the only way to cope with this is just to face your inner demons and troubles. Running away from yourself ain't gon' get you anywhere. :yep:

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

You need to also let go of your missed youth. There's nothing you can possibly do to change how things worked out, but you can directly change the future - tomorrow, and the day after, and the decades after that. This may sound easier than it is - but you have to let go of your anger and regret or else you will never move on. Worrying about your age will make everything seem a lot harder than it is. It's just a number, a stupid number at that. Chase other numbers - phone numbers of friends, how much money you have in the bank or the cost of that holiday you've always wanted.

Reply 16

JJ2010

25 is not old!!! It might seem hard but try to relax. There are so many things to do with life. Just take each day at a time and with each day even if you're working or studying make sure you do things that make you happy. JJ

Reply 17

beautifulbigmacs

19

on the plus side, you're self aware in a way that you've identified the problem and on the plus side, that's a lot of power to you already.

I strongly recommend seeking long term counselling. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and what you're going through isn't unusual.

Ignore the age thing, life's not a race. I'm 21 and I still get over excited from doing things that most people have been comfortable doing for years but they're still quite new to me (i used to have social anxiety and was scared of all kinds of things and had all sorts of panic attacks and did a bit of self harm but now I'm gooooood)

I told you the above because if i can get out of a hole, and it was a pretty big one, you can too.

Know that you're not alone i what you're going through and although it may nto currently feel like it, what you're going through certainly doesn't have to be a forever thing. far from it.

you're still young and you've got a lot of fun to be had infront of you. Get the counselling, really emrbrace it and the the worlds your lobster (counselling helped me massively.

This may sound patronising in a way that doesn't work for you but i mean it in the best possible way when i tell you that people will envy you for enjoying the small things in life once you feel better: after not being able to get on a bus (for eg) with ease, once you're able to it's the best feeling in the world. You've got a lot of excitement ahead of you :smile:

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 18