Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Ok so I am not exactly a mistress per se but I fear that I soon shall be....

    It's your basic love story: girl meets boy, girl thinks boy is single, girl engages in mild flirtations, continues to do so, girl discovers boy isnt single, gets really mad and stops speaking to him [then blogged about it as is my job], boy reads blog, boy apologises for flirtations and asks to remain friends, girl agrees as boy is funny, girl resists temptation for a few months, boy confesses feelings for girl, girl confesses feelings for guy, messy love triangel ensues but technically girl and guy are just friends and have done nothing wrong...yet

    Now I have given myself all the 'this is wrong, you will burn in hell speeches' but i figured if my made my shame public then someone would convince me to end this madness

    or tell me it was ok so my conscience would be free...ok maybe just the first one

    also now i really like him and I am sure common sense should tell me that the other woman never wins this battle SO again- feel free to tell me im crazy...only dont be too mean as i am really confused right now

    Also - all females in relationships please dont stone me or throw rotten fruit at me - i am usually a very pleasant and selfless person...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ezi-ray)
    Ok so I am not exactly a mistress per se but I fear that I soon shall be....

    It's your basic love story: girl meets boy, girl thinks boy is single, girl engages in mild flirtations, continues to do so, girl discovers boy isnt single, gets really mad and stops speaking to him [then blogged about it as is my job], boy reads blog, boy apologises for flirtations and asks to remain friends, girl agrees as boy is funny, girl resists temptation for a few months, boy confesses feelings for girl, girl confesses feelings for guy, messy love triangel ensues but technically girl and guy are just friends and have done nothing wrong...yet

    Now I have given myself all the 'this is wrong, you will burn in hell speeches' but i figured if my made my shame public then someone would convince me to end this madness

    or tell me it was ok so my conscience would be free...ok maybe just the first one

    also now i really like him and I am sure common sense should tell me that the other woman never wins this battle SO again- feel free to tell me im crazy...only dont be too mean as i am really confused right now

    Also - all females in relationships please dont stone me or throw rotten fruit at me - i am usually a very pleasant and selfless person...
    ...you are going to trust and "love" someone who is only with you by betraying the trust of someone else?

    All kinds of stupid...
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You know full well not to get involved. If he really liked you, he would dump his girlfriend and go out with you, knowing that he probably has a chance.

    Otherwise he is just playing silly games with both of you, and I would cut ties before it all ends in tears.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You already know what you should do, and it will probably be hard but its not fair on this other girl, or yourself, if you remain friends with him. I would break off all comunication with this guy.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If he really liked you that much then he'd have dumped his girlfriend and asked you out.

    Has he? No.

    So tell him to **** himself.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    hey if its just for fun, i say be careful...

    if he seriously wants you, he would end it with the other chick... as he hasn't yet, be careful as he is capable of doing the same back to you.

    iif you feel it could go further, and if you guys go further and then he breaks up with her, be cautious (but i always believe that no matter the situation, if you can find someone you like enough, anything is fine)-- "all is fair in love and war"

    But good luck anyway
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    dont want to throw things at you BUT ... i personally couldn't respect any man who would think me dim enough to put up with being a mistress, let alone boink him tbh. A man who would want to sneak around, using me inbetween times hes sleeping with his 'real' partner??? Surely if he thought anything of you he would have finished with whoever the other person is long before expecting you to get intimate? I think you have to have a pretty low opinion of yourself to accept the role of 2nd fiddle. I wouldn't settle for anything less than being the centre of my mans universe! you shouldnt either. Get someone who adores only you and wants the world to know it...thats my advice.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    He obviously doesn't like you enough to end his relationship. You're only good for being the other woman, not the actual girlfriend, the one he introduces to his friends and family. If he isn't going to give her trust and commitment what makes you think he will for you.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I hear what you are all saying and my conscience is telling me to stop, and also that he will never end things with his gf and i will be the dumbass who fell for it but alas we have grown too close in the past few months and ending the friendship wont work for me - now all i need is a full proof way of remaining his friend but ending the feelings....no? hmmmm

    The scary part is he wants to come stay with me for a weekend and saintly though I may be, i dont think i can sleep with him and just sleep sooooo im thinking no to the slumber party?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by under8ted)
    dont want to throw things at you BUT ... i personally couldn't respect any man who would think me dim enough to put up with being a mistress, let alone boink him tbh. A man who would want to sneak around, using me inbetween times hes sleeping with his 'real' partner??? Surely if he thought anything of you he would have finished with whoever the other person is long before expecting you to get intimate? I think you have to have a pretty low opinion of yourself to accept the role of 2nd fiddle. I wouldn't settle for anything less than being the centre of my mans universe! you shouldnt either. Get someone who adores only you and wants the world to know it...thats my advice.


    Also thank you for this, not so sure why your post got to me a lot more than what ive been telling myself but it really did - im going to speak to him and try and end this 'thing' - wish me luck as i shall need it
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Big no to the slumber party! This is one of those situations that you can politely refuse the offer, reminding him that he has a girlfriend, and she probably wouldn't be too happy about that.

    The approach you need, is to make sure that he knows full well where he stands - make it clear to him (and to yourself too) that you are only ever going to friends unless circumstances change and you are both single. If you go out together, invite other people along so that you aren't tempted... eventually the feelings you have will go away and you'll be able to enjoy a normal friendship.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    my best friend is male and we have been very close for YEARS! just before my wedding i found out from someone else that my friend had stronger feelings for me than I had realised. I didnt confront my close friend about this but it did make me value our friendship even more because we had shared beds, talked about our sex lives and been very cosy many many times but he had always ALWAYS refrained from trying anything on with me. He never let on or tried to disrespect me or my relationships. He never told me how he felt because when i was single he wasn't and vice versa. he had too much respect for me when i was dating others and too much respect for whoever he was dating to diss them in that regard. to me...that makes him a bloody fantastic bloke and tells me i have a very special friend who will always put my feelings in the highest regard. ive been married for 7 years now and he is still a very close friend. he is in a long term relationship and i suspect any feelings he did have for me are probably long dead so none of this is an issue really. i merely bring it up to highlight that a true friend wouldnt think so little of you to put you in this position. you are just as bad to think so little of his relationship too. be kind to yourself and get a decent fella. xx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    sorry it took me ages to write that so didnt see your post til after lol. its hard when we feel close to someone so i know it wont be easy but you have to remember you are worth more than this. best of luck xxx
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 3, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.