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    Basically there was this girl I liked and she liked me too and we were 'seeing' each other.
    It's a very long story, but basically...we were on the verge of going out, and then suddenly she changed her mind about 'pursuing' it.
    I knew all along that she said she had commitment issues when it comes to relationships, but I still just can't really understand that as much as I need to (However, she still happily seemed to lead me on as if it'd develop into to a relationship). She has been cheated on in the past and had boys just ditch her, but other than that...I'm not sure, she wouldn't really ever explain what she meant other than a few references to stress etc.

    Can anyone help out? Girls I guess...
    Thanks
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    Do I know you ?

    That sounds a lot like what I tend to do. I'm quite happy flirting away, leading guys on and even 'seeing' them.
    I always say that I dont do relationships, have major commitment issues etc. but let thing go on... until i suddenly realise that things might get serious, almost like a switch flicks. I then freak out majorly and end whatever it is thats going on between us.
    (although I cant really go by the claims of being cheated on in the past etc. so maybe i dont know you)
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    (Original post by Floob)
    Do I know you ?

    That sounds a lot like what I tend to do. I'm quite happy flirting away, leading guys on and even 'seeing' them.
    I always say that I dont do relationships, have major commitment issues etc. but let thing go on... until i suddenly realise that things might get serious, almost like a switch flicks. I then freak out majorly and end whatever it is thats going on between us.
    (although I cant really go by the claims of being cheated on in the past etc. so maybe i dont know you)
    Yep!
    OP, listen to her. We're scared and insecure inside.
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    But why?
    Don't you ever see it as cruel or unfair on the boy?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically there was this girl I liked and she liked me too and we were 'seeing' each other.
    It's a very long story, but basically...we were on the verge of going out, and then suddenly she changed her mind about 'pursuing' it.
    I knew all along that she said she had commitment issues when it comes to relationships, but I still just can't really understand that as much as I need to (However, she still happily seemed to lead me on as if it'd develop into to a relationship). She has been cheated on in the past and had boys just ditch her, but other than that...I'm not sure, she wouldn't really ever explain what she meant other than a few references to stress etc.

    Can anyone help out? Girls I guess...
    Thanks
    Aww. Sounds a little like me to be honest- I have huge commitment issues.

    I always thought though, that when the right guy came along, he'd stick around until I got over my fears of commitment...even if it took a while.

    Hope it works out for you...just know that just because she's reluctant to get involved in a relationship, doesn't mean that she doesn't like you...in fact she probably likes you a lot...cuz I try to runaway esp. when I really like the guy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But why?
    Don't you ever see it as cruel or unfair on the boy?
    People generally think about themselves first.
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    Sounds like me as well, I'm a complete commitmentphobe But it really doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with you I don't think, it's just because she knows that you want commitment and you're a decent person she probably didn't want to lie to you by going into a relationship and further hurting your feelings. It sucks that she gave you the impression of wanting to go into something more permanent, but if she's been cheated on in the past then that's going to come into it. I hope it works out for you, it doesn't sound like she doesn't like you but she has some of her own things to sort out before she gets into anything.
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    Maybe she wasn't really sure on you to begin with but found someone she was sure on. That could be why shes gone off you?
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    Thank you for the responses so far guys it's making me feel a little bit better.

    It 'ended' about 2 months ago (so yeah I'm still not over it as you can tell) and it probably won't really see the light of day again, but even after it ended she told me that she still likes me and stuff, which because I haven't really been in this situation before, it was hard for me to deal with because I wasn't particularly sure on the way she saw everything, no matter how hard she might've tried to explain it =/ so... unfortunately we did argue quite a bit and I can't help but feel that it could've been avoided if I could've understood this all a bit better. Also, she expected us to just be 'friends' straight after it all, which I just wouldn't have been able to deal with, at least not right away which is what she wanted, I needed time and space which she didn't really respect =/
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    (Original post by Spinnerette)
    Maybe she wasn't really sure on you to begin with but found someone she was sure on. That could be why shes gone off you?
    Oh no, definitely not that.
    Like I said it's a long story, but we first met at a time where she'd just finished with another boy who just left her (similar to what she did to me) and was very hurt by that, and of course I was quite aware of all of this (the boy happens to be one of my best friends) and then once we'd gotten to know each other, and established that we liked each other she'd tell me how much she liked me, I was the best she'd felt about herself since him, that she looked at me differently from any other boy etc. It may've been a long-term rebound to get over him, but I don't really think it was.
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    this sounds like what i do too. its not nice i know but i lead guys on and when they ask me out/or wanna get serious in anyway I back out. I don't exactly know why because it's not that i don't like them enough or that i want to see other people - i think it's just that relationships mean pressure, and i can't be bothered for that.

    Being in a relationship means that you constantly have to think about your partner and it always brings stress - i don't want this and i know its selfish but i prefer the chase, i just really don't care to follow through (sometimes because i'm scared too, and simply 'seeing' someone as opposed to being in a relationship with them lifts the weight of your shoulders a bit)
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    She also seemed to conclude with even 'seeing' someone means partial commitment, and again I was confused about that. I guess it is almost the same as going out with someone, but still. She mentioned how she'd be upset if I kissed another girl or something similar to that when I asked what she was so worried about.
    The way she did it though, for a while she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, which I was fine with and never pressured for (even though it was what I wanted), until we go to a point where she told me she was ready for a relationship - and that was totally unprovoked, I didn't say anything to make her say that, she just seemed to decide, she also said she was almost certain her feelings wouldn't change...but not to my surprise, they did, only just over a week later.
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    Can anyone else offer any insight? Thanks
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    Some more of my minor insights (I actually didn't realise that there were more commitment phobe girls out there)

    I never ever do this sort fo thing with the intention of hurting the guy involved.
    I am naturally quite flirty around guys and dont think anything of going for a few drinks with a guy mate. In my little world I dont even really notice that things are progressing and almost what could be termed as 'seeing eachother'. Because I don't think there's anything going on I tend to give the guy the wrong idea for far too long and appear to be happy to progress. My little self-defence against this is to make sure all male friends and guys I meet know that I don't do relationships and am a commitment freak. I then think I'm safe because I've told them and if they mis-interpret that then it's their own fault Apparently saying that you don't do relationships isn't enough as it doesn't actually seem to put guys off, just makes them think they can change that bit.
    Anyway everything is rosy in my world when I suddenly realise that the guy likes me way more than I like him (I probably do like him, but just as a really good friend, if I don't like someone I simply won't make the effort to get to know them). Then I freak out. It suddenly dawns on me that the guy wants something serious so rather than lead him along I end it at that point. This because I generally DON'T want to hurt him even more by prolonging things and leading him on. Funnily enough this is me attempting to think of the guy's feelings.

    This is all from my point of view drawing from several times when I have unintentionally ****** guys over. Hope at least some of it made sense
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    Everyone in this thread is awful.

    Including me, I'm a guy though so it's okay for me to play tiddlywinks with girls' hearts. Oh, my advice is to look to Kermit.
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    if she sed she may make your status as "seeing you" well it dosent mean you two are an item yet...
    its between m8s and seeing eachother, and she could end up fancying somebody else? there can be so many reasons other then commitment.

    sorry to hear that its turned into this, well if she cant make up her own mind, you never know, she might want to start seeing you propley. but please dont hang onto her like theres hope of that happening. try and move on but its hard.

    btw she probs didnt lead you on,beacuse shes oviusley intrested in you and loves you if you two were seeing eachother. she might not know how she feels about you pal.
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    I'm like that a lot. Most of the time when I realise that the guy wants a relationship and I don't I feel really bad.
    Honestly most of the time I don't think I'm good enough for them to waste their time and energy on a half arsed relationship with me!!
 
 
 
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