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Why Can't I Have A Male Best Friend?? watch

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    I've not had a best friend for a while now. Not since school and then last year I found someone that I could completely relate to and trust. We got along very well from my first day on the job. I now spend nearly all my free time with him and can't quite imagine not having him around.

    He's a little older than me (24) and is engaged and has a little girl. He lives with his fiancé and leads a very different life to me. We don't have a lot on common in those terms but we still get along so well. I can just be myself around him and he seems to like me just the way I am.

    However, everyone thinks we're a couple and it's bugging me. Whilst I was at work (I no longer work there) everyone thought we were a couple. Even when we're out everyone assumes we're together. WHY?? Don't girls have guy friends? I didn't think so much about it then but now it's bothering me.

    Whenever I go to his house his fiancé will quickly get her things and leave the house. I thought it was a little odd but didn't say anything. A few weeks ago though when I came down, it was snowing loads and she still wanted to go. She's always been very friendly to me but now I think it may all be an act and really she hates me.

    This week I went to one of his friend’s house. The guy began making horrible gestures and asking me if I like d***. He called me a slut and all sorts of other things. I got out of there quickly feeling sick and really sad. My friend and his fiancés other friends think the same as that guy or so I’ve heard. I tried avoiding him for two after that. I avoided his calls and texts but he kept calling and asking what he’d done wrong. I was so miserable and then when he came over to my house to call for me I couldn’t help talking to him again.
    So now everyone hates me. They think I'm sleeping with my friend even though we haven't done anything wrong. Even my friends at uni have been whispering behind my back which is making me avoid them.

    I don't understand why we can't just be friends?? I like him a lot but never would date him. It's never even crossed my mind and if it has I've found thought funny rather then something I'd actually consider. We're not like that. Why can’t people accept that we’re just friends?
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    beacuse most the time the lad likes the girl more then a m8...thats why.

    you can have proper male m8s who dont want to shag you but then you know they think your ugly and you dont want to hang around with people who think your ugly...hehe

    anyways.... best thing to do is ignore...and keep saying he's like a good brother to you.
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    ignore it and tell your friend what the problem is and maybe talk to his g/f. dont worry my best friend is a guy and (ive known him since school) but at the start of college people thought we were a couple...now they think we're brother and sister (we weirdly have the same surnames) you'll just have to ignore it as someone above said

    gd luck
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    (Original post by banter)
    beacuse most the time the lad likes the girl more then a m8...thats why.

    you can have proper male m8s who dont want to shag you but then you know they think your ugly and you dont want to hang around with people who think your ugly...hehe

    anyways.... best thing to do is ignore...and keep saying he's like a good brother to you.
    Well I don't think he thinks I'm ugly :p:
    He flirts a lot and I usually answer back in a sarcastic manner. He's always telling me how I'm beautiful, but maybe he's lying

    It's so hard to ignore though as everything now thinks I'm this big slut when I'm not
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I don't think he thinks I'm ugly :p:
    He flirts a lot and I usually answer back in a sarcastic manner. He's always telling me how I'm beautiful, but maybe he's lying

    It's so hard to ignore though as everything now thinks I'm this big slut when I'm not
    Well there's your reason. You've just admitted you both flirt with each other. Do you not think that people might pick up on that, and assume that you might be slightly lacking in morals to flirt with a recently engaged new father?
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Well there's your reason. You've just admitted you both flirt with each other. Do you not think that people might pick up on that, and assume that you might be slightly lacking in morals to flirt with a recently engaged new father?
    This.

    If I was in his fiancé's shoes I'd kill him. I'm not surprised she doesn't like you.
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    From what you've said, it's not like you've gone out and socialised THAT much tbh
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    Because Harry met Sally
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    There are many girls who have male friends/best friends, maybe people have seen the flirting between you and drawn conclusions?
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    I'd say my best friend is male, and there have been feelings between us in the past, but we got past that and are just friends. His girlfriend (who he's been with for 2 and a half years apart from a break) has got a problem with him talking to other girls, even those she actually knows in person, yet I've never met her or spoken to her and she trusts and even likes me when I was the reason he split up with her for a while (although I'm guessing she doesn't know this).

    What I'm trying to say is it is possible to have a male best friend, you're obviously just comfortable with each other, which is the same with me, in that we flirt, play fight, argue, have intense/deep conversations and just generally enjoy each others company, but we're just friends. I'd say other people are the ones with the problem, it's them who are jumping to conclusions, but I would speak to his partner, and make it clear that it's nothing more.
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    I think the relationship between guys and girls is slightly different. But I know what you mean, whenever I've had close male friends, people have made big deals out of it usually insinuating that we're together or will be together soon or that we have feelings for each other.....though this was true, I'm pretty sure we do have feelings for each other and others agree but I don't think either of us would want to ruin the friendship and/or the dynamic within our group of friends.
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    You're basically ruining this relationship, which wouldn't be a big problem except that a child and marriage is involved. Yes you may think its petty and you deserve your rights to have a "friend" however it seems that its frowned upon by pretty much everyone except you and him, so you may as well pick up on the signs and realise its not the most functional friendship if everyone disagrees with it.

    The bottom line? Stop being a scumbag and get a new best friend, or if you can manage it, your own boyfriend.
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Well there's your reason. You've just admitted you both flirt with each other. Do you not think that people might pick up on that, and assume that you might be slightly lacking in morals to flirt with a recently engaged new father?
    It's harmless flirting; all my other male friends do it to me too. In fact they do it with everyone not just me.
    Also, I don't flirt back at all, I always respond in a sarcastic way. Anyway, a lot of his friends have never even seen me with him, how would they know if we'd been flirting. They all just assume I’m a slut.
    Just because I'm female they run to the conclusion that we can't just be friends. It's so stupid. I haven't done anything wrong.
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    (Original post by humz2)
    From what you've said, it's not like you've gone out and socialised THAT much tbh
    :confused: What does that mean?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :confused: What does that mean?
    It doesn't look like you've actually attempted to make friends, let alone male friends :holmes:
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    Oh dear, I wonder what people think of me.. all of my best friends at uni til christmas were Male!

    I have a few females in the mix now too, which is good. Though I do get questioned about if I'm waiting for X, or why I wasn't with Y :redface:
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    (Original post by humz2)
    It doesn't look like you've actually attempted to make friends, let alone male friends :holmes:
    Okay
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    (Original post by SacreBleu)
    You're basically ruining this relationship, which wouldn't be a big problem except that a child and marriage is involved. Yes you may think its petty and you deserve your rights to have a "friend" however it seems that its frowned upon by pretty much everyone except you and him, so you may as well pick up on the signs and realise its not the most functional friendship if everyone disagrees with it.

    The bottom line? Stop being a scumbag and get a new best friend, or if you can manage it, your own boyfriend.
    But I don't want a boyfriend. Why should I have to give up my friend just because other people have a one track mind?
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    (Original post by banter)
    beacuse most the time the lad likes the girl more then a m8...thats why.

    you can have proper male m8s who dont want to shag you but then you know they think your ugly and you dont want to hang around with people who think your ugly...hehe

    anyways.... best thing to do is ignore...and keep saying he's like a good brother to you.
    Charming.
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    I think you can have a male best friend, but it is hard. My old best mate was female and everyone used to say she liked me more than friends, including my ex and various other female friends, but i saw her as a sis. She categorically denied feeling that way towards me when i asked her straight.

    However after a year of being best mates we drifted a little because she wasnt too close with my guy group of mates and i saw more of them for a while. It then appeared to me that it was literally just me who didnt think she fancied me; this really scared me off and i hate to say it but me getting a bit weirded out about it has ruined how close we were. We're still mates and she just think we've drifted but it's deeper than that.

    So yes you can have a male best friend but you have to accept everyone jumps to conclusions and this can make it hard.
 
 
 
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