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Stupidly jealous of friend -help! watch

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    I am unfortunate enough to live with one of those girls who just always seems to have everything go their way, everyone loves them, clever, attractive etc and its actually really affecting my life.
    Every single time we go out I have to try unbelievably hard to look nice because it feels like such a competition. And she always wins so I always end up feeling awful for the rest of the night. She's one of those people who gives a generic 'oh it looks lovely' to anything I try on, despite sometimes not even having seen it and it feels so patronising when it obviously doesn't and she looks amazing. Sometimes I even feel like she is saying it on purpose because she wants me to look bad...
    I try really hard to watch what I eat but she just has so much willpower, its crazy. Whenever she has a salad or something for dinner I actually feel really angry with her for being so good. Ditto when she finds a nice outfit or look.

    We used to look quite similar so people always compare us and several people have said in the past that I'm a 'less hot version.' Its always in the back of my mind, ruining my confidence. She is naturally a lot more flirty and loud than me too so all the attention is always on her and I end up feeling like I don't exist
    I have tried to get her to help me feel a bit better, maybe showing me how to improve, make up tips etc but I think she loves the feeling of superiority and would rather just brush me off. I know this is mainly a problem with my mindset but I just don't know how to get out of it. Please don't tell me to 'man up' or something along those lines, believe me I have been trying!
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    You need to develop your own uniqueness instead of trying to turn yourself into another version of her. Everyone is different and has things about them that make them stand out. If you focus on trying to outpretty your friend then you will never be happy because there will always be someone better. just be the best version of you that there is and recognise what makes you special.
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    (Original post by Angrybanana)
    You need to develop your own uniqueness instead of trying to turn yourself into another version of her. Everyone is different and has things about them that make them stand out. If you focus on trying to outpretty your friend then you will never be happy because there will always be someone better. just be the best version of you that there is and recognise what makes you special.
    This!!!

    One of my mates who i grew up with was literally the more well off, the smarter, prettier, more popular, more confident version of me.
    It was especiallynoticable when we used togoclubbing together, guys would ONLY EVER come up to me to tell me how pretty my friend was and to ask if she was single. I was just passed off as the less hot kid sister of her, which was really depressing. I tried for a while to compete, which was totally pointless because she went toa grammar school and whilst she looked like a bikini model, (size 6 32E boobs), she is literally perfect...argg!!!! whilst i was the less intelligent, average girl. In the end i just saw it as, ok, so shes getting all the attention, how does she go about it, so i decided that i could at least learn from her rather than try and compete. Though over the last few years ive moved cities and gone to uni whereas she stayed home and worked. Funnily enough i ended up getting better grades then her which was very unexpected as she was the one in the good school and i was the girl in the botton sets. So now we've both got different lives, interests, hobbies, past times, etc so although she will always be miles prettier than me, tbh ive probably got a more cute look rather than sexy (i look back at photos of me "trying to be sexy" and they truely look dreadful, the whole short skirts no tights & corsets thing just isnt me...im more of a skinny leans & bright tee girl, I still have something to offer the world, im not simply trying to be her, im just being me which involves being myself and not trying to copy her.

    No matter how great you are, there will always be someone smarter &/or prettier, &/or better off. There will also be someone worse off, no matter how bad you think you are
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    I used to feel like that, my friend used to always get noticed whenever we used to go out, whatever time of day
    We don't hang out as much, cos we go to different colleges now, but even now, i'm still the friend who doesn't really get noticed, unless it's by some 40 year old pervert =/

    To be honest if i said that i didn't care anymore, i'd be lying, but i try to not let it bother than me
    I totally agree with what i like tea said though (Y)
    And Angrybanana!

    I'm still waiting for it to happen to me myself, but i do believe that someone will eventually like you for YOU, and it will probably happen unexpectedly
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    Thanks guys, all of your advice is great. Gah, I'm so frustrated with myself for even trying to compete, I know its so silly really. I just can't wait to leave uni now so I can get away from her and just be me!
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    hang out with people who appreciate you for you not people who only look as far as dress size and bra size. when you're with people with the same interests then you wont be thinking about appearance etc, so you will start to focus on your personality more, which im sure is great!!
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    this sounds sooo much like me it's unbelievable.

    I used to have a friend just like the one you describe, whenever we went out all the male attention was on her, she also used empty words like "lovely" and stuff. She was sickeningly feminine, girly and just generally attractive to the opposite sex. She seemed to be on top of the world despite the fact that she had an abusive friendship and was an anorexic in remission. I was so jealous of her at the time and I still am, but now we are not talking to each other anymore (I eventually lashed out on her, I couldn't stand it). The fact that she is academically more intelligent that me doesn't help either, we're still in the same class together and competing against each other all the time, it's not a nice feeling.

    I don't really know what I'm trying to say with this, I can't really give you any advise because my jealousy had desastrous consequences for our friendship, but I wouldn't apologise to my now arch-rival for anything in the world. I feel like she deserved what she got from me and I don't feel guilty.

    Hope this helped xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    this sounds sooo much like me it's unbelievable.

    I used to have a friend just like the one you describe, whenever we went out all the male attention was on her, she also used empty words like "lovely" and stuff. She was sickeningly feminine, girly and just generally attractive to the opposite sex. She seemed to be on top of the world despite the fact that she had an abusive friendship and was an anorexic in remission. I was so jealous of her at the time and I still am, but now we are not talking to each other anymore (I eventually lashed out on her, I couldn't stand it). The fact that she is academically more intelligent that me doesn't help either, we're still in the same class together and competing against each other all the time, it's not a nice feeling.

    I don't really know what I'm trying to say with this, I can't really give you any advise because my jealousy had desastrous consequences for our friendship, but I wouldn't apologise to my now arch-rival for anything in the world. I feel like she deserved what she got from me and I don't feel guilty.

    Hope this helped xxx
    my bad, I meant to say "abusive boyfriend" not abusive friendship.
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    YEah, one of my friends is a part time model, engaged to her gorgeous boyfriend and all the rest, but I don't rreally mind- ok, I'll always feel dumpy next to her, but I'm friends with her because I like her, not because I want to look good in comparison! But then she is the opposite of your friend- she loves to help choose outfits when we get ready and if she finds a great one that suits me she's always so happy and compliments me on it. Whereas you're friend sounds like a bit of a cow if she likes to flaunt her "superiority" over you- why not get some more friends who are nicer to be around? Then you won't be constantly compared, plus they might help boost your confidence just by being nice to you! And what I like Tea said was a good point too- if you develop your own style people are far less likely to compare the two of you to start of with
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    i'll bump this thread because i think it's good.

    bump.
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    (Original post by Holly Hiskey)
    you're friend sounds like a bit of a cow if she likes to flaunt her "superiority" over you-
    Exactly this! It wouldn't take anything away from her attractiveness to spend 2 seconds helping me decide if an outfit is appropriate etc. Its hardly asking for the moon, she just doesn't want me to find anything nice.

    I have tried to develop my own style to diverge from hers but its really difficult when I can't buy something or wear something I like, just because I know its exactly the kind of thing she wears. Just feels like she is winning in yet another area. I do see your point though and I guess I will just try to focus on the little things that are different about us! I've looked at some psychology websites about inferiority complexes and they make similar suggestions.

    To Anonymous #2 - horrible to hear you are suffering the same thing but I am grateful of your support! This jealousy thing is just so strange, I'm usually such a logical person and I know its crazy, I'm just so set in the thought pattern now that I just can't see her in any other way and my anger about it is making me so antisocial and unhappy.
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    this sounds like she loves the attention she gets from people even though its bringing you down.
    try looking up on the internet new styles and ideas.
    Being called a "less hot version" is lame you need to tell her how you feel and that is bringing you down, if shes not giving you advice when your buying new clothes or trying new styles then shes not realy a close friend at all like i said have a word tell her exactly what you feel and how its bringing you down!

    hope this helps )))) x
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    I can relate to having a friend who is rather incredible, which can easily make you feel somewhat rubbish in comparison. A good friend of mine is pretty similar to me in terms of personality- we have the same sense of humour and used to get similar grades. We don't look much like each other but she is very pretty, confident, popular and she always used to have loads of guys after her. Everyone loves her and that's hard to be around sometimes. I admit that in the past I did get moments of jealousy but the thing is that I like her as much as everyone else does, because she's lovely. We've always been great friends and it's important to feel happy for other people if they deserve it, which she does. Your friend doesn't sound like a particularly nice person but perhaps it's just your jealousy talking. There must be a reason why you are friends in the first place. Finally you should remember that the more you have in life, the more you have to lose. There's no saying that things won't go wrong for your friend and she could end up being as unlucky as anybody else. My friend was in an abusive relationship, she dropped out of uni and now she's on medication for depression. If you have everything on a plate then the only thing that can happen is things go wrong. I think it's better to achieve things gradually and to realise that you don't need to be another person to be happy. I'm happy with my life and if you really are secure in what you have and the value that other people place on you then someone else's present good luck shouldn't make you feel any less content.
 
 
 
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