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I can't be happy (without a girlfriend/being in a relationship)
Here's the situation;
I can't ever seem to be fully happy unless I am in a relationship with someone.
For whatever reason nothing else seems to make me as happy, and I struggle to find out how people can be happy being single. I know there are those who
would be like, "OMG single life is amazing, what are you complaining about?"
A few issues with the single life, for one I'm not a person who can just 'get someone' or nor do I want to have a ONS/flings.. as I can't just be 'oh that was fun, bye'
I miss the intimacy/the feeling of being wanted more than anything else.
I have stopped looking someone, but I can't seem to just be happy. University work bores me, work bores me, friends are nice to talk to .. but it's just not the same.
I mean I do "get on with life" but that seems to be it, I just can't engage myself in anything else. I can't find a hobby/past-time/career that 'rewards' me so much in terms of how it makes me feel. I just seem to be disinterested in most things and my mind is just distracted by that sense of loneliness and I hate it.
I've tried 'keeping myself busy' but that doesn't work either, because even when I am doing something I am thinking about it, or at best .. it's just distracting me from my problem, so .. I'd be engaged in work but then when I finish what I have to do, the thoughts come back or it works in the other direction that I become too engrossed in what it is I am doing and I just fixate myself on work and end up equally as unhappy.
I really don't know what to do.
I can't ever seem to be fully happy unless I am in a relationship with someone.
For whatever reason nothing else seems to make me as happy, and I struggle to find out how people can be happy being single. I know there are those who
would be like, "OMG single life is amazing, what are you complaining about?"
A few issues with the single life, for one I'm not a person who can just 'get someone' or nor do I want to have a ONS/flings.. as I can't just be 'oh that was fun, bye'
I miss the intimacy/the feeling of being wanted more than anything else.
I have stopped looking someone, but I can't seem to just be happy. University work bores me, work bores me, friends are nice to talk to .. but it's just not the same.
I mean I do "get on with life" but that seems to be it, I just can't engage myself in anything else. I can't find a hobby/past-time/career that 'rewards' me so much in terms of how it makes me feel. I just seem to be disinterested in most things and my mind is just distracted by that sense of loneliness and I hate it.
I've tried 'keeping myself busy' but that doesn't work either, because even when I am doing something I am thinking about it, or at best .. it's just distracting me from my problem, so .. I'd be engaged in work but then when I finish what I have to do, the thoughts come back or it works in the other direction that I become too engrossed in what it is I am doing and I just fixate myself on work and end up equally as unhappy.
I really don't know what to do.
Your neediness for attention and time with a girl will put her off if all of this comes across when you're in a relationship.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
dhokes
Maybe its easier said than done but learn to love yourself before you enter a relationship. Don't you have any ambitions in your life?
This is the problem.
I am doing stuff with my life, but the stuff doesn't actually make me as happy/doesn't "fill the void" so to speak.
*Star*Guitar*
Your neediness for attention and time with a girl will put her off if all of this comes across when you're in a relationship.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
I do but it's a bit of a complicated case in that, I spent most of my days on my 'other interests' so it's not like the girl would be my sole purpose for existence and interest in my life.
but those 'interests' just don't have the same effect on me?
Reue
Doesnt take a genius to figure out the solution to this problem. Prehaps start looking for a partner if thats what makes you happy...
It'd fix the problem sure, but there are a few obstacles in that, firstly in the "getting to know" stages, I can become "attached" very easily, and so I want to have constant contact with her, I don't keep contacting her because I realise this would annoy her/put her off so this thread is more of a "why do I get in that state of, I must talk to her else I'm a bit frumpy"
Also what happens if she leaves me? What do I do then? since "the thing that makes me happy" has gone?
that's what I am trying to fix but I don't know how, I don't want my gf to be "the thing that makes me happy" I want her to be "a thing"
very honest mate. keep searching mate. keep searching. its our inability to cope with our sadness which makes us unhappy. life is suffering. cope with it. if you need some gash to make you happy. fair play. dont know what to say apart from search mate. grow and define. deep stuff.
dhokes
What are your ambitions? Apart from being in a happy relationship.
see the world (parts of at least)
and I actually can't think of much besides that, I can but it'd make it obvious who I was and I want to be anon.
addtoexisting
very honest mate. keep searching mate. keep searching. its our inability to cope with our sadness which makes us unhappy. life is suffering. cope with it. if you need some gash to make you happy. fair play. dont know what to say apart from search mate. grow and define. deep stuff.
LOL
that's the funniest telegram I've ever read
Find a girl who needs a relationship to be happy. Then you won't be too needy or clingy for her. I always preferred to spend time in a relationship than hanging with friends, unfortunately I never met the 'guy', so ended up going through a few non serious relationships. Then finally I met my partner, he told me he just wanted somebody to love and be intimate with and that he felt empty without it. We've been together 3 years now and we see each other everyday, our lives revolve around each other. For some this might be too much, but I'm the happiest I've ever been. So yeh, maybe you could find somebody who feels the same?
Anonymous
I can't ever seem to be fully happy unless I am in a relationship with someone.
Not good. Whilst relationships are important, and perhaps vital to most at some point in their lives, you should still be able to feel 'happy' without one. It's called being comfortable with yourself. StarGuitar has already given some good advice, so I'd listen to her.*Star*Guitar*
Your neediness for attention and time with a girl will put her off if all of this comes across when you're in a relationship.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
I bet I'd struggle to find a girl who doesn't want a guy to have his own interests (its what makes being with that other person interesting!)
People in relationships still need a strong sense of self. Its how you prevent each other from suffucating the other in a relationship, and how you can appreciate the balance of your own time and the quality time you have together.
I think you should really try to not focus on this, but that at the end of the day is your choice.
At the end of the day, if being in a relationship really makes you happy. Be in one.
Meh. Not good. Whilst relationships are important, and perhaps vital to most at some point in their lives, you should still be able to feel 'happy' without one. It's called being comfortable with yourself. StarGuitar has already given some good advice, so I'd listen to her.
At the end of the day, if being in a relationship really makes you happy. Be in one.
Not good. Whilst relationships are important, and perhaps vital to most at some point in their lives, you should still be able to feel 'happy' without one. It's called being comfortable with yourself. StarGuitar has already given some good advice, so I'd listen to her.At the end of the day, if being in a relationship really makes you happy. Be in one.
there is someone on the horizon, just wished she didn't effect me so much in that I constantly think of her and we aren't even together yet.
I feel exactly the same. I have hobbies but they bore me without a partner. However when with the right partner I enjoy those hobbies and activities etc. I think the person who has asked this question also feels the same. They might have interests and hobbies but they enjoy them exponentially more when with the right partner.
I feel the exact same way. Honestly not many are like us. But I truly understand you. I’ve even chosen to be fwb with my toxic ex just to get the attention and cuddles even tho it was fake. It was like a drug to me, I craved it and then when I went home I was on the worst come down from the high. I just recently cut that off. And we work together lol. But hopefully when work is back to normal I can quit and never see him again. But there was a few months awhile after we broke up that I spent way more time hanging out with friends, going out, having fun, working, enjoying things I like to do, finding new hobbies, and just doing things that I like to do and want to do for myself, that I made so much progress in getting over him. I know the issue is no relationship=not happy, and it’s not easy to shift to, but you have to take care of your mental health, physical health (which is so important for overall happiness in my opinion), and doing things you like and for you!! I’m still figuring out how to love myself and to be enough for myself and I hope you come across the day that you are happy just with yourself. I believe in you.
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