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Once you've had a boyfriend/girlfriend, does it get easier? watch

    • #2
    #2

    well i had my first relationship at 21, its been well over a year, and there has never been anyone on the horizon since. so, in my case, it hasn't got any easier. maybe i'l have my second boyfriend when im 31.
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    no, i'd say it's harder!

    i was with my ex for nearly four years, and i've been single for.. about four months now? it's not difficult to talk to/meet people, but i'm definitely much more wary than i probably otherwise would have been. i've kissed a few guys and had a little bit of a 'thing' with one in particular - but nothing emotional. :rolleyes:

    i think it's a personal thing though - i definitely learnt a lot from my last relationship which i'm sure will benefit me in my next one, but i just don't feel ready at the moment. i'm sure it would be simple enough to 'find a boyfriend' if i really wanted to, but i'm not sure how decent they'd be or whether i'd find someone i actually click with. i've sort of had my view on love etc. tainted so the next person i put my trust in is gonna have to be pretty special.
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    Because I'm 19 and a lifelong singleton and have never had a boyfriend, but imagine that when I do get one, after we break up I'll be able to get another one without spending another 7 years being single (I count this from aged 12-you're not single before then!)

    [/QUOTE]

    Why pessimistic?! you are thinking about breaking up with your boyfriend before even getting one. It would be better to think of having a nice partner for a durable relation, rather than making a list of break ups and the next please...:cool:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know it sounds like a silly question but I'm an optimistic virgin ( not this isn't one of those 'poor me I've never had a bf threads') and would like to know from others' experience if when they've had their first partner, have they found it easier after them to have more partners?
    Because I'm 19 and a lifelong singleton and have never had a boyfriend, but imagine that when I do get one, after we break up I'll be able to get another one without spending another 7 years being single (I count this from aged 12-you're not single before then!)

    Sorry if this post was incoherent but was just looking for answers!
    Are you the young lady who started the other thread that I rplied to about a similar topic. If you want to have a chat via facebook about this, because it is obviously bothering you, then you're welcome to. However don't feel you have to.

    Anyway I'd suggest that waiting and finding the right person is alot easier than getting a partner, breaking up then getting a new one, like practicing getting a partner or something. Look, someone out there will absolutely fall head over heals in love with you, so give them a chance to meet you before just getting with someone because you "feel you have to because its normal to do so".

    Take care, PM me if you want to chat, OK.
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    For me its a hell of a lot easier! when i met my first proper GF in my 1st year of uni it was like god touched me on the head and said "Look at you eh! ladies man" and gave me confidence x 10. Since her which was about 4 years ago now ive been through quite a few ladies in relationships and in casual flings etc as i know girls will like my sense of humor and my light hearted attitude.


    Once youve had a partner or 2 you realise whats good about you and what people like about you and then you focus on them and use that to succeed with the next girl, your always learning and with each success you gain more knowledge and confidence! Its not that hard attracting people of your similar level of attractiveness if you get a good dialouge going with them and you can talk or see each other often.

    But yeah anyways...id say DEFO yes. for me anywayssss x
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    (Original post by Tom.)
    To be honest once you've gone through the complication and general actions of meeting someone and getting to know them. Once you break up, it does get easier. After my first GF i found it easier to talk to other girls and get intimate with them and things. I've been single for 6 months or so, not long i know but it's my own choice and i'm not after a girlfriend but if i was, i'm sure i wouldnt find it difficult to talk to a girl or ask her out.

    Liar. You're a homosexual.
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    Yes, inevitably the more relationships you have, the better you become at succeeding in them.
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    Well, as long as you get over the breakup, I'd say it becomes easier.
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    I think that it can get harder because you will always compare the next person to your first BF. Also, if he is abusive/a cheat etc you may find it hard to trust men from thereon (I'm a man by the way, so I'm just speaking from what I've heard from other women).

    I always compare other girls to my first girlfriend, and though I've slept with a few women since I can't seem to bring myself to commit to them. None of them seem 'as good' as my first girlfriend. However, if she was a complete b***h, I would most likely be saying "wow this girl is a real improvement!"

    I've learnt from experience that you can't 'intellectualise' love and relationships, but must rather learn through empirical methods. I'm sure you will find someone you like one day, and don't try and wait too long.

    Sex is great (with the right person/people :P), so don't miss out for too long! Once you pop, you just can't stop lol!
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    I would really say it varies from person to person. You certainly learn from your mistakes (even if you only begin to see the negative bits of the relationship a very long time after you break up).

    I've been single for almost two years now. Since then I have gone to university, but... still not met anybody who blows me away. Your first love will influence how you perceive everyone else - sad but true. Sigh.
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    (Original post by x_LiNk_x)
    Yes, inevitably the more relationships you have, the better you become at succeeding in them.
    Not necessarily. Having more relationships can be a result of the person's inability to keep a stable relation for a long time.

    So I see it as a proof of failure rather than an reason for success in future relations..:cool:
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    (Original post by alijimi)
    Not necessarily. Having more relationships can be a result of the person's inability to keep a stable relation for a long time.

    So I see it as a proof of failure rather than an reason for success in future relations..:cool:
    You are not incorrect, alijimi.

    Perhaps the more relationships you have will enable you to overcome common complexities within the relationship, as opposed to someone who hasn't faces such problems before.

    Although the aforementioned thesis is not universally correct - more often than not it is favourable to be experienced.
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    (Original post by x_LiNk_x)
    You are not incorrect, alijimi.

    Perhaps the more relationships you have will enable you to overcome common complexities within the relationship, as opposed to someone who hasn't faces such problems before.

    Although the aforementioned thesis is not universally correct - more often than not it is favourable to be experienced.
    This "experienced" thing you are talking about, made people forget what a real relationship is. Nobody talks about loyalness and commitment any more. Every single problem became a reason to break up and changing partners nowadays is like changing T-shirts.

    Just see how many threads on TSR with girls saying: my boyfriend doesn't go down on me, or he's not satisfying me in bed, or he cums quickly, should I break up with him?? Guys saying: she doesn't give me blow job, or doesn't like anal sex, should I dump her. Or even a funny thread about breaking up because of the mother's underwear.

    When relations became based on just sex and underwears, then one can ask where is love, loyalness, commitment, devotion....obviously gone with the wind...
    • #3
    #3

    Its definetly alot easier. You will have learnt more about yourself, what you need from a person and just be a whole lot more relaxed. I remember going on first dates feeling soo sick with nerves that i couldnt eat and just thinking about it made me feel sick lol. That was 5 years ago, its soo much easier now, i have gone out with complete idiots and i now know what i want from a person. Try not to worry so much, i know that made things 100 times worse for me. Just relax and when it happens it happens.
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    It depends on the person I suppose, their experience from their last relationships and whether they're willing to go out and find a relationship, if you get me. I split up from my first one about two years ago and haven't had another boyfriend since, not because I'm pining after him of course but more because I don't go deliberately looking for someone to be with. With him, and I think with anybody I may meet in the future, it was a case of meeting through mutual friends, finding there was a spark and taking it from there. I don't think I could find that trawling through pubs or on the internet like some people I know might, possibly because I don't really mind whether I have a boyfriend or not so I've no real reason to try forcing that spark with everybody I fancy.
    On the other hand, I've got friends who go out of one relationship and can have another by the next month. I think after the first relationship you get a better idea of what you want in a person and in a relationship, so in that sense it's easier, but it helps if you're willing to go out and find someone and put yourself back into the relationship situation
 
 
 
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