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Make Or Break Relationship. Need Serious Advice :\ watch

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    My girlfriend has broke up with me for the second time, for another boy who she has previously had a 'past' with, and someone who had constantly fu**ed up our relationship, he would never get out of the picture.

    We had got back together about 3 weeks ago, and after telling me she would never put me through the trouble of our last breakup again, I was confident we would work things out and have a long lasting and extremely happy relationship.

    However, after a bad week of pathetic little squabbles over MSN and other minor problems (being nothing to do with our relationship), she asked to see me because she had some things to tell me, which she wasn't prepared to text. She told me she had feelings for that boy again, more than she had feelings for me, and that at a party the night before, she had a few drunken kisses with boys, however she said that she didn't have feelings for either of the boys she kissed.

    Fixed on not letting her go, i told her to trust me, and that i would give her space to have a good think about things, and that we'd speak in a weeks time (being this Sunday).

    My problem is;
    What do I say to her?
    Should I wait for her to come to me?
    What form of communication do I use?
    How do I go about expressing my feelings of depression and anxiety without freaking her out/putting her off?

    All advice is soooo very appreciated. I need all the help I can get. All my friends think it is a pathetic problem that me and this girl keep having, so I have nobody to turn to.

    She is extremely fragile. i.e i can confidently say i know her better than she knows herself, and she still goes to school whereas I go to sixth form. Her whole family adore me, and i will get shot for saying this, but i am better than that other boy in pretty much every sense. Also, last time we broke up, it was for the same reason, and she came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work with him, however from what i am hearing they are getting on like a house on fire, even though she said to me that she will never be able to let go of me.

    I do realize that letting go, and moving on is one logical and probably the best route, but before saying that can you please take into account that i absolutely adore this girl, and that i would do anything to make this work.

    Thanks in advance XXX
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    It sounds like the relationship is a wounded dog and you are walking through the desert together. If you keep trying to carry the wounded dog you both will die in the desert. You should kill the dog, eat it, and carry on alone.
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    You're right, moving on is absolutely the best and most logical choice.

    But if you really can't bring yourself to do this, at least make this the last chance you give her - any more and it just seems like you'd lose all your self-respect. As for what to say to her, I'd say make an ultimatum: normally I'm against banning people from talking to exes or whatever, but given the history, I would say you tell her that if you're going to carry on together she has to break off all contact with this guy. If she doesn't, things will still be confused and she'll probably just keep doing the same thing. Also make sure she realises how unfair it is that she's messing you around like this. Show some spine and tell her it's not cool.

    Honestly though, I think she sounds awful for you. Good luck either way.
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    hey

    well by looking at my username you can probably guess i damn well know what it's like to be crazy about someone and willing to do anything for them.

    what's this guy like though? is he a total arse and do you think he will screw her over?

    because there's no point forcing your gf to be in a relationship with you, but at the same time she either wants you or not.

    the fact she keeps coming back means she obviously loves you very much.

    but i think when you talk to her, ask her straight.
    if you want me in your life, i'll always be here, but if you don't and you're gonna keep messing me around like this, let me move on.

    and if she says ok fine, go, then leave her. and believe me, there's a likely chance that if things don't work out with this guy she'll come crawling back to you.

    but you have to judge how likely that is, depending on what this other guy is like.

    i'm in a relationship a bit like this too but to be honest; playing hard to get works :yes:

    good luck, hope it works out :console:
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    (Original post by explosions hurt)
    It sounds like the relationship is a wounded dog and you are walking through the desert together. If you keep trying to carry the wounded dog you both will die in the desert. You should kill the dog, eat it, and carry on alone.
    :withstupid:
    Best thing ever to be posted on this web site.
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    (Original post by FrancesO)
    I would say you tell her that if you're going to carry on together she has to break off all contact with this guy. If she doesn't, things will still be confused and she'll probably just keep doing the same thing.
    i have already made her do this. when we were together, i gave her a choice of the relationship or him, she refused to choose, and told him that i was making her do this. they are like best friends, and until they get over each other fully i will never have a chance with her

    otherwise thanks for the comment anyway, it's really helpful XXX
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    *sigh*
    I feel for you!
    I have been in this situation...almost exactly, however not from your point of view.
    It was very good of you to give her time to think about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if she came back unsure still.
    Even though it sounds bad that someone can want two people... it does happen and when you are faced with choosing one and losing one its ridiculously hard.
    You have the crap end of the stick... not having any say and playing the waiting game
    You need to remind her of all the good times you have had together and let her know low much you want her... with out sounding too desperate. But at the same time you can't force her to make choices, if you do you might push her away. Be there to talk to her and listen, even if its hard but at the same time don't be a walkover, don't let her mess you around and keep jumping from one guy to the other over and over again, its not fair on you to keep getting hurt when you have done nothing wrong.
    Talk to her face to face, it helps.
    I really hope this situation gets sorted out for you and you get what is best for you =)
    x
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    (Original post by awtaylor)
    i have already made her do this. when we were together, i gave her a choice of the relationship or him, she refused to choose, and told him that i was making her do this. they are like best friends, and until they get over each other fully i will never have a chance with her

    otherwise thanks for the comment anyway, it's really helpful XXX
    If she's refusing to let him go, that probably says it all really - although I know that's not what you want to hear. :o:
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    (Original post by x In Love Again x)
    hey

    well by looking at my username you can probably guess i damn well know what it's like to be crazy about someone and willing to do anything for them.

    what's this guy like though? is he a total arse and do you think he will screw her over?

    because there's no point forcing your gf to be in a relationship with you, but at the same time she either wants you or not.

    the fact she keeps coming back means she obviously loves you very much.

    but i think when you talk to her, ask her straight.
    if you want me in your life, i'll always be here, but if you don't and you're gonna keep messing me around like this, let me move on.

    and if she says ok fine, go, then leave her. and believe me, there's a likely chance that if things don't work out with this guy she'll come crawling back to you.

    but you have to judge how likely that is, depending on what this other guy is like.

    i'm in a relationship a bit like this too but to be honest; playing hard to get works :yes:

    good luck, hope it works out :console:
    haha, great post, thank you so much.
    basically, he is quite an intelligent guy i will give him that,
    however he does drugs,
    has a reputation of being a **** to everyone,
    is always in some sort of beef with other boys,
    he's a virgin, and quite inexperienced in relationships,
    he has told her that she is a worthless piece of s**t, and that she is a self centred c***, however she has always forgiven him,
    and this will sound mean but he is quite an ugly boy.

    it just hurts me even more that she would choose him over somebody who treats her so well
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    She's definitely playing you around I'm sure you can see that yourself. Move on.
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    Thing is, you need to make it clear what you want. A relationship is a two way street, so if she is not willing to put in as much time and care into it, why should you? I appreciate you love her or whatever, but surely you love yourself more to notice that you don't deserve this. Give her one more chance, and make SURE that she knows it's her last chance.

    It kinda sounds that she knows that she can have you just like that, because you love her so much, so she knows that she can go out, do whatever she wants and still come home to her thoughtful forgiving boyfriend, and quite frankly, you don't deserve that.
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    may i add that it was pretty much love at first sight when we met.
    this means that being friends after all of it would be extremely difficult, we both know that.
    also what to do i say to her to initiate some sort of meeting?

    sorry about all of these obvious questions haha, i just really don't want to make a mistake
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    (Original post by awtaylor)
    haha, great post, thank you so much.
    basically, he is quite an intelligent guy i will give him that,
    however he does drugs,
    has a reputation of being a **** to everyone,
    is always in some sort of beef with other boys,
    he's a virgin, and quite inexperienced in relationships,
    he has told her that she is a worthless piece of s**t, and that she is a self centred c***, however she has always forgiven him,
    and this will sound mean but he is quite an ugly boy.

    it just hurts me even more that she would choose him over somebody who treats her so well
    no probs :rolleyes:

    sounds like she has no idea what she's getting herself into

    you might have to play a bit of a waiting game if she leaves you,
    and wait for her to realise that this guy is no good for her.

    but when she does, she'll come back to you and YOU'LL be the one in control for once.

    and maybe, you would've moved on by then and will be able to reject HER..

    who knows.

    but yeah when you talk to her, if she promises not to mess you around, make sure she knows it's her LAST chance (even if inside you know its not )
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    You sound like a lovely guy, but she is not worth your time. She obviously doesn't respect herself or you - kissing two boys in one night that she doesn't even care about?

    It sounds like you've given her lots of chances. I know it's hard but you need to let go and move on. You'll find someone else who'll think you're amazing and treat you the same back.
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    Yeah but girls don't like it easy or nice when they are young, its treat 'em mean keep 'em keen.
    When they grow up and become women they realise its the nice guys who are best, but until that day and while your young, just be a **** and they'll be all over you!!
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    many of you have said to 'play the waiting game' and that if she doesn't want me at the moment, then leave her to it and she will come crawling back eventually.

    does this mean cutting contact completely? i have done this from Sunday and whilst it's been extremely stressful I have managed it.

    also she wrote a status saying 'GET OFF HIM' after reading another girl post that she's 'on her way over to my house' on my wall (bare in mind this girl is my FRIEND, and will never be anything more LOL). before you ask me whether i am sure it is aimed at me, her twin sister told me to look at her status. this obviously shows she is in denial about it all, but if this is the case then why isn't she coming back to me! it's so confusing...
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    awtaylor... may I offer you some advice. I don't have any idea of how you two interact and I am only getting your side of the story... however:

    Leave this girl immediately. When you talk to her, be honest. Tell her that over the recent months/years you feel as though you have not been respected appropriately (try and avoid finger pointing and using the word 'you' too much). Tell her that you are leaving her for your own reasons and don't dwell too much on trying to make her feel bad for what she has done. Keep your head up, be strong, clear, direct and short.

    It does not matter if she says she will change or that she loves you because her actions speak far louder and far clearer than anything she is telling you.

    Whilst it will no doubt be very hard for you at first as you probably love her and seem sensitive (Don't worry I am not being critical as I too am very sensitive) - you will get over it and learn from it. You might ask "should I remain friends" - no... absolutely not. Given your history together this is a very bad idea.

    You need to respect yourself more, try not to be too dependent upon other people - especially girls and you will find that your future relationships are better and less 'emotional' in the negative sense.

    Whilst it may seem like I have a bit of a negative view on this, I don't. I just see things now that I wish I was able to see when I was a little younger/less experienced in relationships.

    Good luck!
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    I think she just likes the feeling of two guys "wanting" her. Even if you really want her back, completely ignore her. Don't be horrible to her, just don't talk to her.

    She'll soon be at your feet...
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    Don't play any waiting game at all; the best thing to do is just cut off contact completely. She has feelings for another guy, and this is obviously quite a problem - one that I don't think you'd easily be able to get over if you remained together. She has previously been unable to choose between the two of you, and that is quite telling as for how she feels about you. Even if you did stay together, what would happen after that? She would still have feelings for this guy, and your relationship would still be strained. You shouldn't ever think that anyone will ever come 'crawling back' to you, since it rarely happens (and it doesn't turn out well anyway). Also, to me, that status just sounds like she wants your attention. If she did want you (and I mean you, not your attention), she'd choose you and you wouldn't be having any problems with the other guy. As it is though, she probably just likes the idea of feeling wanted, and maybe is not taking the break seriously; you've already got back together once before - why shouldn't she think you wouldn't do it again?

    I know this is something you don't really want to do, but you should just let her go. Find someone who likes you, and only you. Good luck.
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    (Original post by awtaylor)
    My girlfriend has broke up with me for the second time, for another boy who she has previously had a 'past' with, and someone who had constantly fu**ed up our relationship, he would never get out of the picture.

    We had got back together about 3 weeks ago, and after telling me she would never put me through the trouble of our last breakup again, I was confident we would work things out and have a long lasting and extremely happy relationship.

    However, after a bad week of pathetic little squabbles over MSN and other minor problems (being nothing to do with our relationship), she asked to see me because she had some things to tell me, which she wasn't prepared to text. She told me she had feelings for that boy again, more than she had feelings for me, and that at a party the night before, she had a few drunken kisses with boys, however she said that she didn't have feelings for either of the boys she kissed.

    Fixed on not letting her go, i told her to trust me, and that i would give her space to have a good think about things, and that we'd speak in a weeks time (being this Sunday).

    My problem is;
    What do I say to her?
    Should I wait for her to come to me?
    What form of communication do I use?
    How do I go about expressing my feelings of depression and anxiety without freaking her out/putting her off?

    All advice is soooo very appreciated. I need all the help I can get. All my friends think it is a pathetic problem that me and this girl keep having, so I have nobody to turn to.

    She is extremely fragile. i.e i can confidently say i know her better than she knows herself, and she still goes to school whereas I go to sixth form. Her whole family adore me, and i will get shot for saying this, but i am better than that other boy in pretty much every sense. Also, last time we broke up, it was for the same reason, and she came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work with him, however from what i am hearing they are getting on like a house on fire, even though she said to me that she will never be able to let go of me.

    I do realize that letting go, and moving on is one logical and probably the best route, but before saying that can you please take into account that i absolutely adore this girl, and that i would do anything to make this work.

    Thanks in advance XXX

    hahahah dude.....life is a *****....dude..pls take this advice i am about to give you....give her some SPACE...BIG TIME...........look ....she has things to resolve within herself...... life is too precious to beg someone to love you.....if she can leave u then maybe she needs to see what she is loosing instead of forcing her to see what she is loosing...LET HER GO..PLS DUDE...i know u know that is the right thing to do....look ..keep urself busy......hang out with friends...talk on the phone to friends.....keep urself occupied....this will prevent u from calling her...look ....if she is meant for you, she will come back..........even if she calls you to take u back,play hard to get..becos u have to be sure she really wants u back....this is really ****** up and i get really pissed about stories like this...dude i know it is hard...but let her go....KEEP URSELF BUSY.......i am sure u are probably good looking....hang out and have fun being single..........but dont go ard messing with other girls....just keep urself occupied.........look... u cant beg anyone to love u....u worth someone to love u completely.......u dont beg for love.....common dude.....JUST LET HER GO...
 
 
 
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