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Asians and the whole system of finding finding a husband/wife Watch

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    well any girl who wants to follow the european system of marriage-before she says yeas i will explain first-get laid with guys hping that they are the rigth ones..few times you get pregnant .thats not a problem get it aborted and search again!!
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    (Original post by Haft_Hasht_Shish)
    Did he really say 'Best of Luck' at the end..? No, best of luck to YOU my brown brethren :cool:
    :lol: Yes he did. As if women would be fighting for him.
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    Asian culture just means people always make comments on other people.

    Just have to get used to it

    On a side note... my sister got engaged today

    It's annoying that I'm in London and couldn't be at the engagement thing
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    (Original post by DJkG.1)

    Yes it's radically different to how people do things in the West but it's just a different way of doing things. And the successful long-term marriages, nuclear homes and startlingly low divorce-rates must mean we are doing something right. :p:

    ummmmmmm NO!!!!!!!!!! In the asian culture, divorce is not an option or if you do get divorced,you will be shunned/dishourned by family or community,thats the reason why divorce is low, the question should be how many of them are happy

    It is really is ''Til Death Do Us Part'' :yep:
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    (Original post by grt)
    It all depends...

    I don't like the 'Western idea' too much where you basically start a relationship after having had a one night stand, being wasted. In reality, there are probably three kinds of how marriages are set up: a) love from the beginning, b) fighting loneliness and getting used to each other, c) it's being set up by family - and it can go either way. From an economical and social point of view, the latter usually makes most sense (especially in the less industrialised world).

    Keeping the usually strong family bonds in the Asian cultures in mind, it makes some sense that they give their opinion and even partially decide. In Western countries where families are quite fragile anyway, it just doesn't matter that much as it's unlikely that there will be much contact or even physical proximity (living together with parents etc.).
    That's an incredibly ignorant statement, 'western' people are quite capable of developing relationships without the aid of clubs and alcohol as much as asians are quite capable of developing relationships without their parents involvement/pressure.

    (Original post by DJkG.1)
    Meh, call the process brutal if you wish but it's how we do things.

    As long as the parties (ie. bride and groom) are informed of the possible choices, and and enthusiastic and willing to go ahead when a decision is made, I don't see the harm.

    Yes it's radically different to how people do things in the West but it's just a different way of doing things. And the successful long-term marriages, nuclear homes and startlingly low divorce-rates must mean we are doing something right.
    :p:
    From the reading posts here, i'm guessing it's generally because as much as asians keep whining about parents/relationships, they care way too much about what their parents, [asian] friends and family think to do anything that goes against the grain - where this loyalty comes from, I have no idea.

    For the guys who are concerned about the type of things OP mentioned - what happens if you just say 'no it's alright, i'm quite capable of sorting out my own love-life, thanks'?
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    Thank God I found my partner before my mum and dad started 'looking around' for me!
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    (Original post by Thrasymachus)
    From the reading posts here, i'm guessing it's generally because as much as asians keep whining about parents/relationships, they care way too much about what their parents, [asian] friends and family think to do anything that goes against the grain - where this loyalty comes from, I have no idea.
    It's a concept of loyalty that is rarely found in this country and other Western countries. It is not 'loyalty' as you term it, but more 'respect'.

    We tend to respect our family and friends (non-Asian too) more than the Western folk do. Not to change the subject too much, but in my opinion, this respect aspect came from the religions that were in Asia in the last 6-7 centuries. They mostly taught people to respect each other. It's just something that's carried on.

    Asia has always been more sophisticated than the West on the level of respect that people have :yep:
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    (Original post by Qaz25)
    It's a concept of loyalty that is rarely found in this country and other Western countries. It is not 'loyalty' as you term it, but more 'respect'.

    We tend to respect our family and friends (non-Asian too) more than the Western folk do. Not to change the subject too much, but in my opinion, this respect aspect came from the religions that were in Asia in the last 6-7 centuries. They mostly taught people to respect each other. It's just something that's carried on.

    Asia has always been more sophisticated than the West on the level of respect that people have :yep:
    True respect usually cuts both ways - being incredibly judgemental and controlling to the point where your children/family feel pressured into doing something they don't want to, in an effort to avoid being stigmatized/ostracised doesn't sound like a paticularly good model of respect. It doesn't even sounds like a healthy social situation.

    Criticizing others for not living their life like you want them to, instead of trusting (if not encouraging) them to make the important decisions in their life - that doesn't sound like respect to me.

    There is offering support and advice and there is simply expecting compliance, due to the pressure to comform to group expectations - the latter is what seems to be the case from what some asians have posted in this thread.
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    Even if it's brutal I think it's worth it. I think marriages of all cultures should have a Mehndi Party. :bhangra:
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    (Original post by miss_p)
    Is it not somewhat brutal?! Lol I'm talking about if your parents end up looking for someone 'suitable/nice' for you, instead of finding someone yourself...

    My brother turns 24 today and he doesn't even want to think about getting married yet. My mom wanted to know whether she should start looking for a nice girl for him yet, or not. He said no lol.

    But this brought up the topic of our cousin, who has set a date for her wedding this September. This is the 'brutal' part- my mom and brother were talking about her; my brother said she's not pretty, I said she is, my mom said she's not, she's just average. I really disagreed! I think she's pretty! I guess we just have different opinions of pretty.
    My mom was saying how her fiancee is better looking than her... so I'm expecting to see a really hot bloke. (Oh and btw, they were introduced through their parents... they're both nearly 30)

    But yeah... This happens with everyone who announces they're getting married- and not just in my family lol If the parents end up looking for someone, then omg it's just scrutiny! "She's a bit podgy... He's not really tall enough... What degree did she/he do?... What job has she/he got?..."

    It just made me think, if I'm not lucky enough to find someone who I fall in love with and want to marry, then some family could be scrutinizing me like that! Scary stuff...

    Thoughts?
    I totally understand what you are saying, it is the same with me except I don't wanna get married, so you can guess the "shame on the family" attitude. :cool:

    I have been to a couple of Asian weddings, when people were saying very negative stuff either about the groom or the bride, saying how they are too dark or the groom is better looking than the bride or vice-versa!

    Don't worry about what others will think of you, do what pleases you and makes YOU happy. Life is too short and make the most of it.

    Personally I DISLIKE my culture! :mad:
 
 
 
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