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    • Thread Starter

    So there's this girl I really, really like. And she definitely knows I like her.

    About 2.5 months ago, she sent me this email basically saying "I just want to make sure that you don't like me in that way. Pleaaaaase don't like me, there are far more beautiful girls out there". And she said that she didn't want a relationship, wasn't ready for a boyfriend etc. And I wrote back to her basically sayign that I really liked her. And she thanked me for being honest.

    Since then, we've done a lot of one-on-one things together, but apparently according to one of her close friends, she thought we were only doing stuff as friends. (We hadn't done anything one-on-one before I sent her that message)

    She also said that she saw a boyfriend as a really really really close friend. (but as I said we've done lots of one-on-one stuff since then- and only since then. i.e.we hadn't done any one-on-one stuff before I told her how I felt.)

    Apparently, according to one of my friends, she fell in love with some guy like two years ago (and is over him now though), and since then, has been "waiting" until she meets "the perfect guy" - the guy she falls in love with.

    Note she hasn't gone out "on a date" with anyone ever. She hasn't kissed anyone or done anything like that at all.

    But as I said before, she wants to really know and be good friends with the guy before she goes out with them. So because she refuses to go out with any guy who asks her, because she doesn't think she likes them enough/doesnt think she knows them well enough, how is she ever supposed to meet this guy?

    Anyway the thing is I really like this girl. Apparently according to her friend she sees me as a "really good friend", and she also knows I like her. She likes hanging out with me one-on-one, she doesn't seem uncomfortable... (she didn't say explicitly to her friend that she saw me only as a friend, or that she wouldn't go out with me if I asked her.) She kind of implied it I think though, she said "he's a really, really good friend, but I hope I'm not leading him on". But then again, how many people would tell their friends that they liked another friend??

    I guess my question is 1) Do I have a chance? I mean, in spite of what she said, is there any chance that she might "like me" but just not be "in love with me". (and thus she doesn't want to take that risk.) And if so, is there any chance that I might be able to convince her into taking a chance and seeing where it goes? Because I'm just trying to understand how she can expect to fall in love with someone before even going out with them?

    ANd she is also adamant on not wanting to be in a relationship, she says she's afraid of hurting the guy/doesnt feel mature enough. She says this even to her girlfriends, so I don't think this is a "friendly rejection", I think its an excuse because she's afraid of taking the chance.

    Anyway 1) do you think I have a chance? 2) If so what do you think I should do? 3) I've written her a letter explaining why I like her, and why she shouldnt be afraid of a relationship etc. Do you think I should give it to her? And if so when? Should I give it more time, or just give it to her asap?

    you know what i can sort of understand her and its probably nothing to do with you!
    i think shes just still quite insecure with herself and so doesnt want to get attached to anyone as if shes scared of getting hurt. this might not be the case but if as youve said she hasnt been kissed etc then she probably is just nervous and doesnt feel ready to be intimate with anyone. theres nothing really you can do except just give her time and dont freak her out by beeing really sweet and nice....i know that sounds really odd but it could make her feel scared and anxious as to why someone is so keen! i dont know how it works but sometimes girls like these would rather a guy be a bit 'mean' to them to make them want them more...
    also if you go out clubbing with a larger group of friends and let her see you having fun dancing with other girls etc - not necessarily snogging them but it might make her realise its not that scary!

    btw this could be absolute terrible advice so just go with your guts! im sure more people here may have some better ideas!
    • Thread Starter

    that's the hard thing to know. Because she's never had a boyfriend. It's hard to know whether she, as you said, isnt ready, or whether she just doesnt like me at all in that way.....

    its hard to go with my guts because part of me is telling me to pull back a little but in essence to keep trying, and another part of me is telling me to just forget about her and move on,
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