Now I've got a long and complicated story so I am going to try and some it up:
Im a Brit asian, 3 years ago I went of to university to study an analytical subject. During the time I left, me and my siblings knew of my dad cheating on my mom in secret, my mom was going through a very hectic period of depression; made her act like a right looney and she used to say things like I wish you died to me sometimes. Anyways anyways at university, I suffered from depression, going to a good university with other bright people, I had family problems to deal with and on top of that I had to deal with being gay and asian .
I came out in my second year of uni to my good mates there and things began to improve. In my third year I began it being very suicidel and I didnt want to carry on because i knew life would be so difficult in the future, however with the support of my friends and not wanting to let them down, I managed to gain my 2.1( from a 41% secodn year 1st semester-could you believe it). I graduated tried to keep my head above the water, returned back home, me mom had tablets that werre working wonders. Now I only had the problem with being unemployed and my brother and sister messing around with their lives, trying to be a gay man etc etc. Oh btw I fell in love with my friend, I shared everything with him, he in a way controlled me knowing how much i loved him, he loved me but not in tht way...recently Ive become cold to him and he continually asks why i dont text him etc etc as thoiught werre going out... he kissed me first on a night out, these feelings would have never awoken if he didnt do that.
A good few months down the line, I secured a good job, with good benefits, pay and all sorts. Its just a very difficult and demanding career option- actuarial, I have just started and the work is difficult and demanding and the idea of facing so many demanding exams is daunting. I hope I geet through it, a part of me wants to run away. I know I've done well with myself with all the problems etc, I have still struggled and managed to get a good job by the age of 21. Has anyone got any advice on what I should do?
I just wanted a rant and wanted to ask people how can I continue managing. I feel exhasuted and tired...lonely... I have soo many friends but now I am lonely and it makes me sad to omit that... if people see me they see me with a BIG smile but inside sometimes i feel sooo sad and empty
My eastenders style twisted life watch
- Thread Starter
- 06-02-2010 10:25
- 06-02-2010 12:51
by "eastenders style twisted life"
you mean you're a gay muslim?