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Friend taking advantage?

Hi guys, first post... yay!

Ok want some opinions/advice. Do you think this is wrong? (Sorry for the essay)

Basically, I have two friends from two different social groups that met through me in October. The guys not had a gf in over a year (we're in 2nd year of uni) and in my opinion doesnt like the girl at all and is just after some action. Anyway the girl is quite innocent (virgin) and I think likes him. Me and my two friends went out to a bar (this was way back in November about a month after they first met) and we ended up getting sperated and I talked to a few different friend (they were acting quite 'couply' as well). The guy ended up getting the girl really drunk, the drunkest she's ever been. We intended to go to a club after, they headed off and I followed with friends to find them lay on the pavement with the girl passed out. The girl had never thrown up from being drunk before, the guy had also thrown up but was in no where near as bad a state. She was slurring words and couldnt walk, he was pefectly fine. Anyway I couldnt leave my friend as she was so helped take care of her. She ended up throwing up for over an hour after we got her to my guy friends place. She then got in her sleeping bag and looked like she was going to sleep. I left them to go home thinking she was safe. Anyway I found out yesterday that after I left the girl started shivering uncontrolabvly. I think this may have been due to the drink since this was the first time she'd ever thrown up and had never drank that much before. The guy then got into her sleeping bag with her and started touching her (under her clothes). She didnt move and just sort of let him. I dont believe she was in any state to have stopped him even if she tried. They didnt kiss. It was mutual at all. The guy then ended up ejaculating.

Do you think the guy took advantage? How mad should I be. I blame myself as well cos I shudnt have trusted the guy. I should have known better. I dont think I shud have left him with her. Personally I put it at best as major taking advantage or at worst on the same path as rape.

My female friend claims he didnt take advantage, but I think she's trying to protect him. I think he's manipulating her and taking advatage of her innocence.

Its been a while since then and they both spend a LOT of time together. They still havent kissed and arent in a relationship but act like they are (like they hold hands and 'talk' like a couple).

I found out a similar thing happened again to what happened in novemeber a week ago. They were ment to go a club, the guy got the girl really drunk, she threw up (this is the 2nd time she's ever thrown up from alcohol and the guy didnt this time) and then he got in bed with her and started touching her. The second time I think she may have felt him back cos he moved her hand to touch him. I still view it as wrong. They didnt have sex.

Any thoughts/opinions?

I personally think I may cut off contact with the guy completely. I dont think I want to be associated with people like him. Is that an over reaction?

Thanks for reading!

Reply 1

LukeSkywalker

OP

Anyone, any thoughts? I just told my flatmate and he was equally as shocked as me...

Reply 2

pheebs101

OH my god!! yes that is taking advantage. that isn't right?!! tell the girl to get some sef-respect, and tell the guy to give her some respect! christ if he can only pull a girl when she's practically unconscious it's just pathetic. not sure if that even counts as pulling really

Reply 3

arminvanpite

14

Eurgh, what a creep! It I found out a friend of mine was doing that, I'd definitely be having a word.

I mean, a lot of girls will go for whatever a guy wants if they like them but know the guy doesn't want anything serious or something, but what he's doing is going too far. Stuff like this starts off small and builds into something much more serious...

Reply 4

Philosoraptor

18

I dunno - it all sort of depends on her. Does she like him but is too embarassed to do anything due to her inexperience and the only way she can feel comfortable to flirt is to get insanely drunk? Or is it more sinister - obviously the ejac thing is disgusting..

Reply 5

LukeSkywalker

OP

Philosoraptor

I dunno - it all sort of depends on her. Does she like him but is too embarassed to do anything due to her inexperience and the only way she can feel comfortable to flirt is to get insanely drunk? Or is it more sinister - obviously the ejac thing is disgusting..

I think she likes him but doesnt want a relationship with him because of a clash of religions. I think she genuinely believes he hasnt/isnt doing anything wrong. Shes really flirty with him even when sober. I've tried telling her that I think its wrong but she wont listen to me. I think he's got her wrapped round his little finger. She doesnt view it as sinister but I do...

I might tell one of her female friends cos I am genuinely concerned for her safety.

Reply 6

LukeSkywalker

OP

bloodredbeat

Stuff like this starts off small and builds into something much more serious...

Thats what im worried about, it started as them randomly holding hands (even though they werent going out) and i think he thinks he can get away with it now. It has progressed from like touching over underwear to touching under underwear. the problem is even though shes known me far longer she trusts him so much more and wont listen to me at all... i do genuinely fear it cud progress to rape, i wud have never thought he was capable of anything like that until i found this all out...

Reply 7

Flicker

13

It does sound like he's taking advantage as it's told but I also wonder if the girl
isn't telling the whole story and perhaps is initiating or at least not stopping things because she doesn't want to. Because if it was that bad the first time I don't understand why she'd put herself back in that situation unless she wanted to? I understand she was drunk but even so. Perhaps she wants to try things but is a bit embarassed to admit it?

Reply 8

LukeSkywalker

OP

Flicker

It does sound like he's taking advantage as it's told but I also wonder if the girl
isn't telling the whole story and perhaps is initiating or at least not stopping things because she doesn't want to. Because if it was that bad the first time I don't understand why she'd put herself back in that situation unless she wanted to? I understand she was drunk but even so. Perhaps she wants to try things but is a bit embarassed to admit it?

maybe, i cant be 100% sure exactly how drunk she was when this stuff happened... she definitely didnt initiate, but didnt stop it wen she probably cud have.

i dont think she views it as anything bad, but the idea of the guy getting her so drunk with the aim of doing this stuff is plain wrong imo

shes a virgin but has got to 2nd base with her ex-bf so i dont think she wanted to "try" it as such

Reply 9

Flicker

13

Ah ok I got the impression she had done nothing. Well if it had happened once and she was upset I would be more angry than in this situation - whereas here she seems to be happy with him and enjoying it. I'd maybe have a word with her about getting so drunk she doesn't know what's going on and to make sure she stays more in control, rather than having a go at him.

Reply 10

L-x

12

It's hard to interpet. If your feeling is right and the guy is deliberately making her drunk so he can get what he wants that's awful. On the other hand if she likes him but her religion means she's too inhibited form doing anything about it until she's drunk, so she's delibarately getting really drunk then they guy is in no way at fault (especially if she's also getting him drunk).

Friend taking advantage?

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