Problems Coming out.

I've always been attracted to other guys.
I want to come out. I want to have a boyfriend.
But I don't think I could do it, because I've always wanted to be a Dad when I'm older and if I came out to my family it would turn their lives upside down. I don't act gay so it would be more of a shock as no one would be prepared for it.
My family is really close to me and I don't think they wouldn't be able to accept that I'm gay.
It's really troubling me, because I'm 20 and I just want to be myself.

Reply 1

Conor Tickner

8

It's hard, but if you want to be yourself and this is a part of you you can't deny, then don't hold back. Of course It'll be hard, of course it'll be a massive change for you, your friends and family etc. but things will settle down eventually, and you'll be more free to go out and meet with other people like you.

Reply 2

rv10

OP

Thanks, what you said helps.
I'm just scared of the immediate fallout.

Reply 3

keepa7

8

rv10

I've always been attracted to other guys.
I want to come out. I want to have a boyfriend.
But I don't think I could do it, because I've always wanted to be a Dad when I'm older and if I came out to my family it would turn their lives upside down. I don't act gay so it would be more of a shock as no one would be prepared for it.
My family is really close to me and I don't think they wouldn't be able to accept that I'm gay.
It's really troubling me, because I'm 20 and I just want to be myself.

There's always the possibility of adoption

Reply 4

loveisjustasong

14

OP, you can still be a dad. Is there no one in your fam who you think might understand?

Reply 5

rv10

OP

My brother might understand.
But one thing that is bugging me is that I've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend so I'm just basing this on my own feelings.
There are more guys that I think are hot than girls.
I could love a girl but I would love a guy more plus I would rather get into bed with him. :biggrin:

But I don't know because I havn't had a relationship with either sex.
I'm really confused. :s-smilie:

Reply 6

emanuel_arsenalfc

11

you can still be a dad, thats not even an issue at all..if you feel like u want to come out..do it..

Reply 7

paddyman4

14

I'm out (as bi) to everyone apart from my family. Not that they would kick me out or anything, I just think it would be an awkward conversation. If you're at uni you could just come out there, test the water, experiment a bit, work out your sexuality. The way I see it there's no point coming out to my family until I get a long-term boyfriend.

Reply 8

kamc

15

You can still be a dad OP.

Do you have any reason for feeling that your family won't accept you for being gay?

Reply 9

rv10

OP

Whenever something comes up about Homosexuals in my family, someone normally says somthing homophobic, I just stay silent and try and blend into the background. Its really awkward.

Reply 10

kamc

15

rv10

Whenever something comes up about Homosexuals in my family, someone normally says somthing homophobic, I just stay silent and try and blend into the background. Its really awkward.

Is it really hurtful comments or jokey comments?

Why don't you tell one person, you said your brother might understand, and come out to the rest of your family later on. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to tell them and by telling someone it'll help you work out your feelings and give you support for when you let everyone else know.
I'm sure your family will be supportive but it may take some getting used to for some family members, especially if it comes as a shock.

Reply 11

sweetnesspink

10

This is a difficult situation, but you'll never be yourself unless you're honest with your family.

You don't have to have had sex/been in a relationship to know your sexuality. Where do you see yourself in 10 years... in a relationship with a man or a woman? Who would you want to have sex with, a man or a woman? Don't let people tell you or make you believe that you just need to bang a girl to 'cure' or get over being gay.

I'm not going to lie, coming out is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. And you have to continue doing it your whole life when you meet new people but it is worth it for the relief you feel when you can just be yourself.

I still have friends/older family members that don't know and I can definitely feel a barrier there and it's horrible.

Good luck.

Reply 12

rv10

OP

Is it really hurtful comments or jokey comments?

Its a bit of both, I just feel awkward. Sometimes if homophobic comments have been said and I've gone quiet I just get freaked out that someone notices.
Also when family say 'Why havn't you got a girlfriend?' etc I just end up lieing and making up excuses.
Its really great talking to people about this, I've never really spoken about my sexuality before to anyone. Again thanks for all of your comments. :smile:

Reply 13

x In Love Again x

rv10

My brother might understand.
But one thing that is bugging me is that I've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend so I'm just basing this on my own feelings.
There are more guys that I think are hot than girls.
I could love a girl but I would love a guy more plus I would rather get into bed with him. :biggrin:

But I don't know because I havn't had a relationship with either sex.
I'm really confused. :s-smilie:

its sounds like you're bi rather than gay
so you still need to experiment a bit to see whether you would rather spend the rest fo your life with a girl or a guy
but whatever you chose, it has to be YOUR decision and for you
because it's your life and you have to live it the way you want, with WHO you want.
if you can talk to your brother, maybe tell him that you're unsure about your feelings and your sexuality
try and meet other guys your age and see how you feel after your first sexual experience with one
as everyones saying, you can still DEFINATELY be a dad :yep:

so hopefully you'll get EVERYTHING you've ever wanted and find that perfect special someone
hopefully your parents will understand after a bit of time, but initially it will be a shock to them
but once they've realised that you're happier this way, they should accept it over time.
but it WILL take time so you'll have to be patient.
but for now, good luck sorting out your feelings and i'm sure either way (whether you think you're gay or not) you'll find someone who is perfect for you :yep:

Reply 14

rv10

OP

its sounds like you're bi rather than gay

I'm probably about 80% gay 20% straight. (If sexuality can be classed like that)
For the moment I'd like to be with a boyfriend, In the future who knows.

Reply 15

Maxy-Q.O.S

It's a shame that gays still have to go through this "coming out" process! If you are born with inclinations then why should you have to justify them to anyone? If this is the case then heterosexuals should have to "come out" too! And if your family doesn't like it then tough because that's where you got the genes from lol!

All the best chief!!

Reply 16

sweetnesspink

10

rv10

I'm probably about 80% gay 20% straight. (If sexuality can be classed like that)
For the moment I'd like to be with a boyfriend, In the future who knows.

Sexuality can be classed however you like! We don't all fit into neat boxes.

Have you ever heard of the Kinsey Scale? Click here!

I'm about the same percentage. I'd say I was a 4.5 on the Kinsey scalre. I describe myself as 'bi' but another person in the same situation might choose the term gay. Or queer which is all encompassing.

Remember that sexuality is a very personal thing. No two gay people are the same. Never try to fit yourself into society's view of you or you end up losing a part of yourself. I have people ask me all the time why I identify as bisexual when I've only ever slept with girls/had relationships with girls but it comes down to the fact that I AM attracted to men. even though I'm not actively pursuing that side of me. To identify as a lesbian would be denying the small part of me that gets butterflies everytime I see Johnny Depp or Zac Efron :wink:

Reply 17

sweetnesspink

10

Maxy-Q.O.S

It's a shame that gays still have to go through this "coming out" process! If you are born with inclinations then why should you have to justify them to anyone? If this is the case then heterosexuals should have to "come out" too!

Too true! It should be assumed that everyone is in some sort of middle ground until they 'come out' and tell everyone otherwise!

Reply 18

Maxy-Q.O.S

sweetnesspink

Too true! It should be assumed that everyone is in some sort of middle ground until they 'come out' and tell everyone otherwise!

Yeah it's sheer arrogance to assume that people are born straight because it puts people in the horrible position of having to "admit" to being gay! Admitting to something you are born with is ludicrous! That's like me admitting to having black hair or admitting that I'm 6ft tall!

Reply 19

bumbleboy

rv10

Whenever something comes up about Homosexuals in my family, someone normally says somthing homophobic, I just stay silent and try and blend into the background. Its really awkward.

It was the same with my family before i came out, I remember thinking it would be the end of everything when they found out.
The reality was much much easier, sure it takes time to adjust but in my experience the old saying the people who mind dont matter and the people who matter dont mind rings true.

For me saying the words out loud was the best thing I have ever done, its kinda like I hadnt fully accepted who I was until then, after I did I started living and iv not looked back.

When your ready tell people, not before. good luck

Problems Coming out.

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you