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I've been so grumpy recently (long post, sorry) watch

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    Sorry- I know this kind of thread is quite generic on tsr and no-one really wants to read about it, but I feel like ranting and don't want to annoy the people I know in real life. :p: If anyone has advice, it would be great.

    To start with, I don't seem to have motivation anymore. I've always been a bit 'lost' but I always had things to look forward to, and I was quite content. I always planned to study medicine, but now I don't think that's the right career for me. There's no point in pretending to myself that I'm good enough to do it- even if I got the grades, I know I'd struggle at uni. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I hate school at the moment. It just seems so pointless and such a waste of time. I don't like 2 of the subjects I've chosen, and it's too late to change. All my free time is spent studying just to keep up in those two subjects. In school, it's just test after test and I hate it. I got straight A*s at gcse, and am expected to do well, but I really just hate going to school.

    I don't have friends, and haven't for a couple of years- there's a group I hang around with at school who are all nice, but I'm not really 'part of it' if that makes sense- it's quite clear, and I know I'd only be annoying them if I tried to be closer to them. For example, they openly discuss plans to meet up with each other at the weekends, and I'm never invited- it would be rude to just invite myself along- they go round and ask each person in the group if they're up for going out somewhere at the weekend, and always avoid asking me. I don't blame them for it- they're still nice, and they're accepting- all the other people in the year are in quite close 'cliques' that I just wouldn't fit into, so getting new friends at school isn't really an option. Any time I text someone from school, they seem to try and answer the question and no more, unwilling to continue the conversation. They just see me as 'that weird shy girl', which I suppose is true, but I wish they could see that I don't mean to be so shy. Most of the time, I barely ever talk- I always think of things I'm going to say, but just can't seem to say them- something comes over me and I get nervous and can't seem to speak. I have a job, and the same thing happens there. For the first couple of weeks, everyone was lovely to me- they thought the shyness was kinda cute and they kept talking to me and stuff, which was nice, but when they realised that I'm always shy and it wasn't just because I was new, they stopped trying, and just think I'm really weird. It takes A LOT of effort from me even to just start a simple conversation.

    I just keep getting frustrated. Studying literally takes over my life these days because I've nothing better to do. I've tried joining things like duke of ed and a running competition for charity but they don't seem to be helping- sport is quite a big part of it, and my mum gets worried when I exercise because she's convinced I have an eating disorder. I honestly don't. I eat properly, and am definitely a healthy weight, but she gets very paranoid over it because I eat less than my siblings. My family watches me constantly, especially at mealtimes. When I'm genuinely not hungry and don't feel like eating much, I get a huge lecture. The simple solution would be to eat more, but I don't want to- I don't want to put on weight- I hate the way I look as it is. I hate being around mirrors and I'm ugly compared to the girls at school. It sounds stupid- I'll be 17 in a couple of weeks and my mum kept telling me to go get a photo taken for a provisional license, and I kept refusing to go- she and my sister were getting really mad at me, saying it was silly that I didn't want to learn to drive, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them that the real reason I didn't want to get a license was because I didn't want to have a picture taken when I look so ugly. All I want to do is go and exercise, but if I do, it will only make my mum worried. I've tried talking to her, but it doesn't work. I hate being such a burden on everyone and I know I'm a nightmare to live with. The rest of my family is 'normal'- they're all happy and talkative and outgoing, and I know my mum just wants me to be more like my siblings. Homelife feels suffocating- I know they're only trying to help, but I can't stand getting watched all the time. I feel tempted to just leave but I don't have the guts to do that and I don't want to hurt them.

    I spend nearly all my time alone doing schoolwork, and I hate being this way. I've tried to be less shy, but it's not one of those things you can just 'stop'. People think I choose to be this way, but I really don't. I'm sick of pretending to be happy. I never tell anyone what's going on because I don't want to burden them anymore than I already am. It's getting too hard to fake a smile at the moment and I don't know what to do about it. It's not fair on the people I live with because I'm grumpy all the time these days. I'm scared I'll be this shy forever and that it won't be just a phase, and I don't want to spend the year and a half until uni just carrying on like this, being frustrated with everything.

    Sorry for complaining so much and acting like an attention seeker- I'm just confused. And sorry this is so long! Thanks very very much for reading.
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    Anyone? sorry
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    You sound like me; when I was in sixth form I hated it, I was bored of school and couldn't wait to get out, now I'm out I'm glad, I enjoy uni, although I wish the workload was less. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may want to get out of school but the best way to do this is by working through it and getting into university.
    With the friend thing, I'm unsure, sorry. Maybe someone else can advise on that, but honestly, sixth form is worth it, even if its only to get out of school in the end and be somewhere where you're doing what you love in a place you love
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    I had a similar hate for 6th form, i also had no interest in uni, so i spent 5 years working instead. at the end of that time i knew much better what i really wanted and that now provides my motivation for doing university, dont forget that you can always go back when you are older.

    good luck anyway, as for friends - people outside of the school environment always seemed more... friendly, to me! university and work

    <<edit>>
    working full time also gives you the option of getting out of the house. perhaps renting with students in your area at uni will provide a nice view port on uni life??

    you should finish 6th form as well as you can tho, dont give up on it!
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    Seems like you have lots of issues especially regarding your self-esteem. Whoever said school days are the happiest of your life was lying. They were the most miserable of mine so keep that in mind. Things WILL get better. Some things you can change, some you can't. Concentrate on those you can do something about. Get your damn photo taken and learn to drive. I'm sure you're not ugly but what does it matter for a provisional licence? Not as if people are going to see it. Keep studying but try and find something you would like to do at uni. I don't want to put you off medicine but it is ultra competitive and if you're not sure then it's possibly not the right choice for you. Remember you can re-invent yourself at uni and make a fresh start.
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    a detailed thread deserves a long reply (sorry)

    sounds like the terrible teens, you're just like i was, except the people at my 6th form were ones id known from a different high school and we'd been friends for years. we came to England when i was 3 and my parents were ridiculously careful about who i spoke to, who i heard, where I went. I had 2 babysitters, if they weren't available, my parents wouldn't leave, even growing up, when I was 7/8 id be invited to parties, sleep overs, play dates, trips to the park and i didn't do any of that unless my parents were available, but a teacher and a nurse aren't usually available so i never really got to know anybody outside school time, suffice to say i was very guarded as a child but at that age it didn't really matter because school was where i was at most of the time anyway i read books, watched tv and it never stopped me from being outgoing and inquisitive. However, as I grew up I started to realise that there was a lot I was missing, very slowly I managed to coax my parents into giving me more trust and lets say this was a feat for an 11 year old, finally I was on my own with other peoples parents in control and I made an effort with my friends and at the end of year 6 there were tears galore! but then we left primary school and I moved to a school way out of town and though we hardly ever saw, we stayed in touch. as a result of my sheltered childhood, firstly i took months to make friends, to be honest, i dont remember doing anything, it just happened and secondly, high school is a flood of crazy stuff!, is it just me or can you pretty much mooch years 7-9 and still leave y11 with straight A's?

    Then i moved to a sixth form even further from home, it was in Harrogate, North Yorkshire, and it was ridiculously competitive! Made no new friend for months, even my old friends who i still talked to seemed to be drifting away, and i realised id never learned to make friends, they had just happened to me before now, I was the booksy type, I couldn't tell you half of the current and interesting things happening at the time but I knew what a muggle was so much so that back in high school they nicknamed me dictionary and practically forced me to be the leader of anything remotely difficult in the inter-form competitions. what im saying is you have to try and make an impression, im sure when you're on your own you really come out of your shell like i did when i left 6th in the earlier months, you notice that away from the pressure of trying to keep up and trying to fit in you become a completely different person, when I first started high school i tried to be fearless even though i was terrified, the only one from my primary, and someone said hi, so i forced myself to have a conversation with them, we were 11 and now were 19 and would do anything for each other and yes, that does stretch to picking up your drunken mate and his lady-friend in the middle of a field in the middle of the countryside after their sixth form leavers ball. I spent my entire 6th being reminded of my gcse grades by teachers and how id started impeccably but wasnt reaching the standard, it was incredibly difficult for me to remain motivated, my 6th form was the type that only took B-A* students and if after AS you werent on or over par they'd ask you to leave! It felt like i was going round in circles but you have to talk to people, first start with someone you've known for a while, like your group of 'friends' who btw i think have just resigned to the fact that you probably will just say no if they ask you anywhere, my parents stopped letting me out again when i was 15 till 17 because they just assumed id become a drug addict and go get some randomer pregnant or get arrested, it was vital to their reputation that I was unmarked by society at, quote; "such a delicate and impressionable age" I think your friends are just trying not to offend you, mine knew what my parents were like and would try to do things at my place for my benefit, have you suggested that?

    I know your parents don't stop you going out but for your own confidence you could invite just a couple people to yours after you've got to know them, show them things you are good at and try to be relaxed because people sense tension they'll attempt to look past it but if you don't react and show them the real you, they just stop trying (the people at your work). to conclude, you need to find your confidence. Just sit down on your own and list ten things about yourself that you think could attract other people to you, then write five things that you like about the people you want to be better friends with then a, accentuate those ten things about yourself by being open and expressive, try to uncross your arms when people talk to you, look people in the face when they address you have an expression on your face, don't look scared, look interested (don't think about it too much because you might end up looking constipated and that'd be a personal FAIL that really wouldn't help your cause), even just being clear and confident when you answer your name in the register.

    People will notice this positive body language, no-one will notice your good characteristics if no-ones looking and that's what happens if you sit in the corner and say barely a word all day and b, find people in your own form that possess the five characteristics you wrote down next and whala! you have people you already like and that are regularly in your presence, these are the ones who will notice the change and may look to get to know you There will be times when your tutor has questions or tells jokes or there are notices from other students, pay attention, have an opinion, laugh if something is funny, if you work with them, try to be an active participant, don't be led but don't be overbearing because as much no-one respects a doormat and respect plays a large part in trust, no-one likes an arse! because when you trust people and they dont think you're an arse, you can be friends. try these ideas out and Im certain you'll be feeling much better soon. As for schoolwork, it comes a lot easier if you can relax more at school knowing there are people there you can talk to and ***** about teachers with because mates are the best stress relievers! trust me, I'll never forget the hours of free periods wasted on coffee, sausage sandwiches, lazing on the fields, maccyd's, trips to pizza hut and general nonsense! look at what you're missing! and the eating thing, all i can advise is stay a healthy weight and, if just for the benefit of your parents, eat less at school so your'e hungry when you get home, they dont know your eating habits and neither do i but they will feel better just seeing you put away a hearty meal once in a while! good luck and let me know how it goes ps. get your provisional already woman! no-one has a good license photo! half of my friends look drunk, fat, involuntarily institutionalised or totally unrecognisable on their photocards, mine looks like a drunken mugshot and that's all down to bad technology, not the way we actually look! plus, passing your driving test will make you feel like your walking on air! Again, im sure you'll leave this dark phase and please be happier!
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    (Original post by hammydodger09)
    a detailed thread deserves a long reply (sorry)

    sounds like the terrible teens, you're just like i was, except the people at my 6th form were ones id known from a different high school and we'd been friends for years. we came to England when i was 3 and my parents were ridiculously careful about who i spoke to, who i heard, where I went. I had 2 babysitters, if they weren't available, my parents wouldn't leave, even growing up, when I was 7/8 id be invited to parties, sleep overs, play dates, trips to the park and i didn't do any of that unless my parents were available, but a teacher and a nurse aren't usually available so i never really got to know anybody outside school time, suffice to say i was very guarded as a child but at that age it didn't really matter because school was where i was at most of the time anyway i read books, watched tv and it never stopped me from being outgoing and inquisitive. However, as I grew up I started to realise that there was a lot I was missing, very slowly I managed to coax my parents into giving me more trust and lets say this was a feat for an 11 year old, finally I was on my own with other peoples parents in control and I made an effort with my friends and at the end of year 6 there were tears galore! but then we left primary school and I moved to a school way out of town and though we hardly ever saw, we stayed in touch. as a result of my sheltered childhood, firstly i took months to make friends, to be honest, i dont remember doing anything, it just happened and secondly, high school is a flood of crazy stuff!, is it just me or can you pretty much mooch years 7-9 and still leave y11 with straight A's?

    Then i moved to a sixth form even further from home, it was in Harrogate, North Yorkshire, and it was ridiculously competitive! Made no new friend for months, even my old friends who i still talked to seemed to be drifting away, and i realised id never learned to make friends, they had just happened to me before now, I was the booksy type, I couldn't tell you half of the current and interesting things happening at the time but I knew what a muggle was so much so that back in high school they nicknamed me dictionary and practically forced me to be the leader of anything remotely difficult in the inter-form competitions. what im saying is you have to try and make an impression, im sure when you're on your own you really come out of your shell like i did when i left 6th in the earlier months, you notice that away from the pressure of trying to keep up and trying to fit in you become a completely different person, when I first started high school i tried to be fearless even though i was terrified, the only one from my primary, and someone said hi, so i forced myself to have a conversation with them, we were 11 and now were 19 and would do anything for each other and yes, that does stretch to picking up your drunken mate and his lady-friend in the middle of a field in the middle of the countryside after their sixth form leavers ball. I spent my entire 6th being reminded of my gcse grades by teachers and how id started impeccably but wasnt reaching the standard, it was incredibly difficult for me to remain motivated, my 6th form was the type that only took B-A* students and if after AS you werent on or over par they'd ask you to leave! It felt like i was going round in circles but you have to talk to people, first start with someone you've known for a while, like your group of 'friends' who btw i think have just resigned to the fact that you probably will just say no if they ask you anywhere, my parents stopped letting me out again when i was 15 till 17 because they just assumed id become a drug addict and go get some randomer pregnant or get arrested, it was vital to their reputation that I was unmarked by society at, quote; "such a delicate and impressionable age" I think your friends are just trying not to offend you, mine knew what my parents were like and would try to do things at my place for my benefit, have you suggested that?

    I know your parents don't stop you going out but for your own confidence you could invite just a couple people to yours after you've got to know them, show them things you are good at and try to be relaxed because people sense tension they'll attempt to look past it but if you don't react and show them the real you, they just stop trying (the people at your work). to conclude, you need to find your confidence. Just sit down on your own and list ten things about yourself that you think could attract other people to you, then write five things that you like about the people you want to be better friends with then a, accentuate those ten things about yourself by being open and expressive, try to uncross your arms when people talk to you, look people in the face when they address you have an expression on your face, don't look scared, look interested (don't think about it too much because you might end up looking constipated and that'd be a personal FAIL that really wouldn't help your cause), even just being clear and confident when you answer your name in the register.

    People will notice this positive body language, no-one will notice your good characteristics if no-ones looking and that's what happens if you sit in the corner and say barely a word all day and b, find people in your own form that possess the five characteristics you wrote down next and whala! you have people you already like and that are regularly in your presence, these are the ones who will notice the change and may look to get to know you There will be times when your tutor has questions or tells jokes or there are notices from other students, pay attention, have an opinion, laugh if something is funny, if you work with them, try to be an active participant, don't be led but don't be overbearing because as much no-one respects a doormat and respect plays a large part in trust, no-one likes an arse! because when you trust people and they dont think you're an arse, you can be friends. try these ideas out and Im certain you'll be feeling much better soon. As for schoolwork, it comes a lot easier if you can relax more at school knowing there are people there you can talk to and ***** about teachers with because mates are the best stress relievers! trust me, I'll never forget the hours of free periods wasted on coffee, sausage sandwiches, lazing on the fields, maccyd's, trips to pizza hut and general nonsense! look at what you're missing! and the eating thing, all i can advise is stay a healthy weight and, if just for the benefit of your parents, eat less at school so your'e hungry when you get home, they dont know your eating habits and neither do i but they will feel better just seeing you put away a hearty meal once in a while! good luck and let me know how it goes ps. get your provisional already woman! no-one has a good license photo! half of my friends look drunk, fat, involuntarily institutionalised or totally unrecognisable on their photocards, mine looks like a drunken mugshot and that's all down to bad technology, not the way we actually look! plus, passing your driving test will make you feel like your walking on air! Again, im sure you'll leave this dark phase and please be happier!
    Wow. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you took the time to reply in such detail. It's really lovely, and it's made me feel a lot better already, to know that someone cared enough to help me in this way. Thank you very very much- your advice is great, and I'll definitely try it out.

    I did get the photo earlier tonight (rather reluctantly, admittedly) to avoid yet another argument with my mum. I could barely work the machine, so I'll liably be awful with a car, but anyway. :p:

    Thanks again- it really means a lot to me. And thanks to everyone else who replied too- you're all lovely
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    No problem, I hope its worked out for you!
 
 
 
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