Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My boyfriend's sister seems to be involved with a 35 year old man.
    They are both part of an amateur theatre group and have been performing in a pantomime in the past week.

    About a month ago she changed her relationship status on facebook, but deleted the actual bit that appears on the wall that allows people to comment on it.

    A few weeks ago she didn't come home from college and by the evening everyone was obviously concerned as it was out of character. After asking some of her friends from college if they knew where she was, we were informed that she was probably with this guy.

    We then looked up this guys facebook profile. The picture is alarming in the sense that he looks dodgy.

    After discussion, we told my boyfriend's parents as we feel it is an issue, there is obviously something going on.

    Now we are wondering how to approach it and what to do. We can't mention it to her because we don't know how she'll react and if we mention it to him he'll obviously deny it. Advice please?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Girls these days, they all think theyve matured, simply tell the pedo to **** off and find someone his age group
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Tough one, because she's past the age of consent and you can't prove this guy has done anything "wrong" in the legal sense.

    If you mention it to her parents, there will obviously be huge repercussions for your boyfriend and his family. You run the risk of driving her further into his arms.

    I'd have a talk with her on the side personally, and talk the risks she's taking over with her. That's all you can really do without causing a massive outcry.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Her parents are already aware as his older sister told them. Thanks though
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    You said that she is a part of a amateur theatre group, did they get together before she was 16?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    There's really nothing that can be done to stop her seeing the guy if she's into him.

    The parents can try and force her to end it by grounding her/threatening to chuck her out etc, but that's it really.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by clair1987)
    You said that she is a part of a amateur theatre group, did they get together before she was 16?
    unlikely as she turned 16 in june, he does the set design.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Theres not a huge amount that you can do to stop them. They aren't breaking the law at all, it may be that you just have to let her get it out of her system.

    If her parents feel the need to intervene, they will, but I wouldn't get to involved - though your intentions are good, your boyfriends sister wont see it that way, and you don't want to spoil any kind of positive relationship you have with her.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    I actually wouldn't do anything if her parents know, if everyone starts kicking up a fuss then she'll just be pushed closer to him. It'll probably blow over and you can be there for her if she needs you.
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    PS Reviewer
    She is above the age of consent ergo it is her choice.

    You can voice your concerns, and probabaly should, but she has every right to tell you to mind your own business - and she may well do

    <3
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    She is 16.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I have a 19-year-old friend dating a 41-year-old guy. You've got to leave them to it, I guess. If it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    win
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Well, what do others say about this guy? It doesn't always mean what others know about him is the truth about him, but you should ask.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Even though she is 16, he sounds like a paedophile.
    She is still a child. Tell her she is being an idiot, ground her etc and the normal hard handed approach. And get the parents to meet the man and verbally destroy his perverted ass.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Ewwww. Why would a 35 year old date someone who's just finished her GCSEs?? I really don't get it.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    'I ain't saying she a gold-digga'

    (I mean I'm assuming he has a job, right, I mean why the hell else would you date someone THAT much older than you? wow)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Simply tell her: He is a pedo! That old dude needs to look elsewhere! Maybe a trip to the optometrist will help :facepalm:

    Just because it is legal, doesn't mean it makes sense
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mazty)
    Even though she is 16, he sounds like a paedophile.
    She is still a child. Tell her she is being an idiot, ground her etc and the normal hard handed approach. And get the parents to meet the man and verbally destroy his perverted ass.
    That's not going to help things, is it?

    There's no proof he's done anything wrong, even though it may sound as if he's up to no good. She's probably going through that "older man" stage - thinking that she's cool for getting with someone so much older. Might be worth pointing out he's old enough to be her father and that he's probably only after sex/the ability to brag he can still "get with" attractive young women.

    Having said this, a girl I went to school with got with her best friends father when she was 16 and he in his late 30s. They're engaged and are still together 4 years later, and sadly recently lost their first child.

    I'm not saying this man, or the girl, are acting responsibly; clearly, they're breaking social boundaries. But without evidence he's forcing her into a relationship, or that he has been with underage girls and "preys" on them - not a lot can be done.

    If her parents don't want to act on it, then the OP should leave well alone. The girl will probably realise this guy is a sleaze (if he is one, that is) later on.

    I'd give it the benefit of the doubt for the moment, and just express discomfort rather than fully condoning her actions as "wrong". It would just push them closer together overall.
    • #1
    #1

    If her parents know then I don't think it's your responsibility though obviously you want to be of help in any way possible.

    You say it's out of character, does she seem the type otherwise? If she isn't a rebel, she might be more responsive to being reasoned with - which is where you could come in. She might be more likely to listen to a girl closer to her age than to her parents/siblings. You could just explain to her without being patronising that at best he probably gets a thrill from the idea of ******* a 16 year old. You could offer to introduce her to some other boys you know who are closer to her in age. But don't intervene without telling your bf or his family.

    I've been in that situation before when I was 17 on my gap year, I got involved with several much older men. It went from having zero experience to everything in a matter of weeks. There was no one else my age, no one I knew to stop me and I wish someone had sat down and tried to talk me out of it because they were just using me. Though I probably wouldn't have listened to them anyway.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 7, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.