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Death of a relative/close friend
Quite a depressing one.. sorry guys.. 
Well, the hospital told us today that its probably my grandma's last day, her heart is gettin weaker etc etc shes reached the age of 92. I wasn't really close to her, but the fact that shes dying obviously affects my dad and upsets me when i see him down.
I was just wondering if any of you had to deal with someone's death and how you coped with it?
Well, the hospital told us today that its probably my grandma's last day, her heart is gettin weaker etc etc shes reached the age of 92. I wasn't really close to her, but the fact that shes dying obviously affects my dad and upsets me when i see him down.
I was just wondering if any of you had to deal with someone's death and how you coped with it?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
My granddad died 3 and a half years ago, my great grandma a few months ago. Just spend as much time as possible with her whilst you can, try and support your dad, encourage him to talk about how he's feeling. Don't bottle it up, but remember your grandma would want you to be happy, and remember the good times you spent with her.
I'm so sorry to hear she's not well.
I'm so sorry to hear she's not well.
Reply 2
My dad died when I was 15 and my nan a year later. I have also lost two good frineds, one through a car accident when he was just twelve and one through suicide. Its hard to know how to cope but just accept support from and give support to those who are closest to you and in time it really does become easier. Im sorry to hear about your grandma xx
Reply 3
20
My sister died of cancer when i was 11. She was only 16 at the time. She died 2 weeks before my birthday. What a depressing birthday it was. But i just try and get on with things because moping about and just being depressed about everything wont change a thing. It would make things worse.
Reply 4
I've had to deal with 5 human deaths and I lost my dog just yesterday and we had had him so long that he felt like part of the family. Its not easy to cope with it at all. There are times even now that I remember the deaths and I cry about it and feel sad but you can't let it get to you cause it will just consume you forever.
I find that talking about it helps. When someone I know dies I end up talking about it with my parents and/or frinds for hours to get some of it out of my system. It hurts to talk but while your talking you go over the life of the now dead and see that they lived a happy life. I find that knowing that helps me. They wouldn't want you you to feel sad forever. They would want you to live your life just as they did when they were alive.
Even listening to music can help. Just make sure you don't listen to songs that will take the micky or anything though cause you'll just feel worse.
I'm really weird. Yesterday I watched Butterfly Effect and it's quite a depressing film. Many people die and so does a dog (not nice for me to see after my dog) but the message I got from the ending was very emotional for me. I feel that it was telling me that you can't change what happens in life. Things happen that you can't control and all you can do is feel the emotion that is caused by it and try to get on with the life we live.
I will say that while you still can spend time with your grandma you never know she could live longer than they think. Some people refuse to die when their bodies are giving up and end up living for a bit longer than people thought they should. Things like this bring the family and friend circle together. Use this togetherness as a coping method. It will take a long time to cope and will change a part of you but it's all a part of growing up and even more importantly it is a part of life.
Hope you are ok
. If you feel you need to talk just PM me or if you have MSN you can go to my profile and add my adi. Peace, love and feel better sweetie 
.
I find that talking about it helps. When someone I know dies I end up talking about it with my parents and/or frinds for hours to get some of it out of my system. It hurts to talk but while your talking you go over the life of the now dead and see that they lived a happy life. I find that knowing that helps me. They wouldn't want you you to feel sad forever. They would want you to live your life just as they did when they were alive.
Even listening to music can help. Just make sure you don't listen to songs that will take the micky or anything though cause you'll just feel worse.
I'm really weird. Yesterday I watched Butterfly Effect and it's quite a depressing film. Many people die and so does a dog (not nice for me to see after my dog) but the message I got from the ending was very emotional for me. I feel that it was telling me that you can't change what happens in life. Things happen that you can't control and all you can do is feel the emotion that is caused by it and try to get on with the life we live.
I will say that while you still can spend time with your grandma you never know she could live longer than they think. Some people refuse to die when their bodies are giving up and end up living for a bit longer than people thought they should. Things like this bring the family and friend circle together. Use this togetherness as a coping method. It will take a long time to cope and will change a part of you but it's all a part of growing up and even more importantly it is a part of life.
Hope you are ok
. If you feel you need to talk just PM me or if you have MSN you can go to my profile and add my adi. Peace, love and feel better sweetie .Reply 5
There isn't a set or easy way to deal with it. Each person has there own way and while these may come into conflict it is best if, within the family environment, these conflicts are minimised. Just do what feels right to you.
MB
MB
Reply 6
i great uncle passed away 14 months ago.. the funeral was pretty sad but i wasnt too upset when i heard the news. When i dog died however, the slightest thing set me off.
92 sounds a good innings, no-one should really complain when they have lasted so long and experienced so much.
I would love to die old and experienced everything possible than die young and be burried by my parents. That would just suck so much.
92 sounds a good innings, no-one should really complain when they have lasted so long and experienced so much.
I would love to die old and experienced everything possible than die young and be burried by my parents. That would just suck so much.
Reply 7
16
The thing that I have found with death is that acceptence is the most important thing. You have to make your peace with it, otherwise the person can haunt you for years.
People have to be allowed to grieve, and everyone grieves in different ways and over different periods of time. For some people, it can literally take years to really get over a death, and that isn't abnormal or wrong. Its the process that you go through. Some people go to a priest to talk, while some go to a counsellor, and some spend time at the grave. If you feel that you're not getting over your grandmother's death properly, or it doesn't feel right to you, that is when you should seek help, maybe talking to your father about it.
Having someone to share in your grief is also very important, in my opinion. When my dad died, a priest came to visit (who had never even met my father), my sister was out of the country and my mum and dad had divorced when I was 2, so I felt very alone. To share in grief is, I think, a very healing thing, and it reassures the people involved that they aren't alone, and what they're feeling is normal.
Anyway, that's all I can say, really. I hope that you're ok, and that your dad is too.
People have to be allowed to grieve, and everyone grieves in different ways and over different periods of time. For some people, it can literally take years to really get over a death, and that isn't abnormal or wrong. Its the process that you go through. Some people go to a priest to talk, while some go to a counsellor, and some spend time at the grave. If you feel that you're not getting over your grandmother's death properly, or it doesn't feel right to you, that is when you should seek help, maybe talking to your father about it.
Having someone to share in your grief is also very important, in my opinion. When my dad died, a priest came to visit (who had never even met my father), my sister was out of the country and my mum and dad had divorced when I was 2, so I felt very alone. To share in grief is, I think, a very healing thing, and it reassures the people involved that they aren't alone, and what they're feeling is normal.
Anyway, that's all I can say, really. I hope that you're ok, and that your dad is too.
Reply 8
Last Novmber, my friend committed suicide. A month later, a teacher in school died in the Tsunami. Then a week later, our deputy's husband Dave Shaw died in Cape Town (you might have heard of it on the news).
My friend's death affected me the most and drove my eating disorders over the edge. I talked to my other friends who are also close to her a lot, and we all had a very hard time. After her funeral, I coped by writing a poem in memory of her. I was also very depressed before that so it didn't really help, and I eventually saw a councillor.
Try talking to people you trust and would understand you, or talk to a councillor if you feel you need to talk to someone who who would not judge you and would listen to you for as long as you want. And don't be afraid to cry - it's perfectly healthy.
My friend's death affected me the most and drove my eating disorders over the edge. I talked to my other friends who are also close to her a lot, and we all had a very hard time. After her funeral, I coped by writing a poem in memory of her. I was also very depressed before that so it didn't really help, and I eventually saw a councillor.
Try talking to people you trust and would understand you, or talk to a councillor if you feel you need to talk to someone who who would not judge you and would listen to you for as long as you want. And don't be afraid to cry - it's perfectly healthy.
Reply 9
8
My granny died just over a month ago three months after being told she was dying of cancer after months of checkups and blood tests saying nothing was wrong with her.
My advice is not to bottle it up because if you do it will come back with a vengeance, trust me I know.
Something may happen to lift your spirits a little though, some people say you will see a sign. It happened to me on the day of my granny's funeral, just after we pulled away from the church we reached a roundabout that came to a standstill apart from an old McBraynes bus which cut across in front of the hearse and led us down the road, another came up behind us. My granny was a conductress on these buses which made it all the more weird as these buses aren't that common anymore
Anyway I know it's hard but trust everyone when they say it will get better with time. Try to spend some time with her, you don't want to end up regretting anything. Sorry about the long boring post and personal story
My advice is not to bottle it up because if you do it will come back with a vengeance, trust me I know.
Something may happen to lift your spirits a little though, some people say you will see a sign. It happened to me on the day of my granny's funeral, just after we pulled away from the church we reached a roundabout that came to a standstill apart from an old McBraynes bus which cut across in front of the hearse and led us down the road, another came up behind us. My granny was a conductress on these buses which made it all the more weird as these buses aren't that common anymore
Anyway I know it's hard but trust everyone when they say it will get better with time. Try to spend some time with her, you don't want to end up regretting anything. Sorry about the long boring post and personal story
Reply 10
My father died when I was nine, and my grandad, who I was exceedingly close to, died a few months before him. My uncle also died just before, but I didn't really know him that well. None of them died of natural causes: heart attack, angina related heart problem, and lung cancer.
Time really is a healer, that's all I can say. Life goes on for those still living. It will be difficult to deal with in the beginning - obviously - but gradually you start to cherish the memories and remember what you had of them, as opposed to what you might have had of them.
As this thread proves; everybody goes through some form of loss in their life. It's just part of living.
Time really is a healer, that's all I can say. Life goes on for those still living. It will be difficult to deal with in the beginning - obviously - but gradually you start to cherish the memories and remember what you had of them, as opposed to what you might have had of them.
As this thread proves; everybody goes through some form of loss in their life. It's just part of living.
Reply 11
My nan (Ann) died jan 2004 after battling cancer for 6 months, i just cried for days whilst trying to carry on with my life, college, work etc. Looking back I wish i had just taken time to deal with it. At the funeral i read a poem for my nan and i got about 3/4 of the way through before i broke down but im glad i tried because now i feel it gave me chance to honour the part she played in my life.
I know Iv mentioned it in a few threads in the last few days but a week ago my other nan (June) was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer that has already spread and if we are lucky she has a few months to live (possibly lengthened by chemo). This time around im gona do everything i can to be there for my nan (as i wasnt allowed to for Ann) and il be up there at the funeral come hell or high water becuase its the one way i can show how much she means to me after she is gone.
Bit of a blurb i know but in essence take time out to grieve, cry, scream, laugh at happy memories and make sure you say goodbye in the way that feels right for you cos you'll regret it if you dont.
I know Iv mentioned it in a few threads in the last few days but a week ago my other nan (June) was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer that has already spread and if we are lucky she has a few months to live (possibly lengthened by chemo). This time around im gona do everything i can to be there for my nan (as i wasnt allowed to for Ann) and il be up there at the funeral come hell or high water becuase its the one way i can show how much she means to me after she is gone.
Bit of a blurb i know but in essence take time out to grieve, cry, scream, laugh at happy memories and make sure you say goodbye in the way that feels right for you cos you'll regret it if you dont.
Reply 12
My dad died 4 months ago. You only cope because you have to. grieve all you need to, say goodbye. Do whatever you can to feel OK. Deal with it, and don't try and bury your emotion. Be open with eveyone. Do as much as you can to cope but don't expect too much of yourself. I can recommend some really great books, PM me for whatever you need and I'll try and support you.
Reply 13
13
girlpants
Quite a depressing one.. sorry guys..
Well, the hospital told us today that its probably my grandma's last day, her heart is gettin weaker etc etc shes reached the age of 92. I wasn't really close to her, but the fact that shes dying obviously affects my dad and upsets me when i see him down.
I was just wondering if any of you had to deal with someone's death and how you coped with it?
Well, the hospital told us today that its probably my grandma's last day, her heart is gettin weaker etc etc shes reached the age of 92. I wasn't really close to her, but the fact that shes dying obviously affects my dad and upsets me when i see him down.
I was just wondering if any of you had to deal with someone's death and how you coped with it?
My grandfather died from a stroke after having been completely disabeled for several years from a previous one. I did not know him at all since he was unable to speak for as long as I can remember but I can still remember how my mom burst into tears at the funeral. Theres not really much you can do about it to be honest. Only thing that sort of helps is to take it easy for some time and try to get by even tho you are sad.
Reply 14
9
wow, i dunno how some of you people handled your dad/best friend etc dying..
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
Reply 15
girlpants
wow, i dunno how some of you people handled your dad/best friend etc dying..
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
I am so, so sorry to hear that. But take comfort in the fact that your grandma isn't suffering anymore, and I'm sure wherever she is now, she's happy.
xoxoReply 16
13
girlpants
wow, i dunno how some of you people handled your dad/best friend etc dying..
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
AWww hun I'm sorry
Reply 17
I'm so sorry sweetheart. Remember, all emotions you feel are OK. Everything you will feel, anger, hysteria, depression, total grief, regret..everything will be normal. Please just do 2 things..make sure you sleep and eat, and make sure your family sleep and eat.
Reply 18
Yes I'm sure she is now resting in peace, without all the pain of living.Reply 19
13
girlpants
wow, i dunno how some of you people handled your dad/best friend etc dying..
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
For those people who had friends/relatives who were unfortunate with their battle with Cancer, i deeply sympathise..
my mum has had cancer twice, but she has fortunately beat it both times.
Well my grandma died bout 30mins ago.
My dad isnt a very emotional person, ive never seen him cry, and to be honest i know it sounds bad, but i dont want to. I hate seeing men cry... I'm the same, i dont really talk about what Im feeling i just tend to get on with things.. Thanx for all your sympathy and telling me about your experiences guys.
Lets just hope there is a heaven for my much loved Grandma...
x
Im sorry to hear that. Maybe it is some comfort that she had a family who loved her to the very end. Unfortunately thats a luxuary not all people get. You and your family has my condolences and in case you feel bad you know that we will all support you if you want to talk about it.
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