I have been wary about my boyfriend's ex for a while now and he recently told me that she text him the other day telling him that she loved him still and he was the only one for her, just after he told her he had a new GF. I had an inclination that she was still in love with him and when me and my BF were first getting together, I wasn't entirely sure that he was over her.
He was with his ex for almost 3 years and split up as he went to uni and they couldn't travel to see each other. He initially told me that he was going to hers to pick up some stuff that he left there when they were together and would see some friends while he was in the area as he doesn't live there anymore. This made me feel a bit uncomfortable giving what she had recently told him in response to him telling her he had a new girlfriend.
I am particularly uncomfortable about him seeing or talking to her for a number of reasons. For example, when we were first seeing each other, he used to talk about her and say he missed her. He also brings her up when we argue and says things like 'well my ex never used to mind/do that/get upset..' etc etc. When he showed me the text that she sent him telling him she still loved him, he deleted all the other texts leading to that text. He also saved a picture of her that she sent him by MMS that day on his phone and said that he just wanted to show his brother what she looked like now. We have been seeing each other for 5 months now and he has only just tole her that he has a girlfriend even though they spoke on many occasions since. He didn't tell me her name until recently and when he told me about the text she sent him, I asked her to text her and tell her that he had moved on (it wasn't worded harshly, he was very particular about that!) and was very reluctant about sending it and argued with me for hours! He then told me that he wouldn't go to the area she lives in if it makes me feel uncomfortable, but then rang me yestreday to tell me he was going up to the area in a few weeks for a few days to see some friends.
I just wanted to know whether people think I am being unreasonable in feeling upset about him going to that area. I trust him, but with her I feel that it is a different story, mainly because of the way he acted about her, e.g bringing her up in arguments, deleting texts etc. He reassures me that I am being ridiculous but I can't help feel upset!
Advice would be much appreciated and if you think I am being ridiculous please tell me as I am really trying to view the situation from other perspectives!
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My Boyfriend's Ex watch
- Thread Starter
- 07-02-2010 00:42
- 07-02-2010 14:02
(Bumped as this took a while to approve)
- 07-02-2010 14:21
You've got every right to be upset, if you do genuinely trust him and he's not the type to cheat/consider cheating, then put this down to him being a typically dense guy. Maybe have a proper talk with him about it so he realises how much it's upsetting you. I bet he wouldn't be happy about it if it was the other way around.
As for bringing his ex up and comparing her to you in arguments, that's out of line and would annoy me so much!
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 07-02-2010 16:12
I am particularly uncomfortable about him seeing or talking to her for a number of reasons. For example, when we were first seeing each other, he used to talk about her and say he missed her. He also brings her up when we argue and says things like 'well my ex never used to mind/do that/get upset..' etc etc.
Nothing else you've mentioned gives any obvious indication of there being feelings on his side. However, he should understand that no one wants to know about their partner's exs, and he's obviously told you too much stuff like telling you he missed her - what was he expecting you to feel, comforted??
How long was it between them breaking up and you two dating?